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Pluggers, 3/6/07

So I’ve been staring at this Pluggers for a while, trying to figure out how this little bathroom still life, in keeping with the mission statement for this feature, “celebrates” the plugger lifestyle. Here are the possibilities I’ve come up with:

• Pluggers
  • won’t put their toilet paper rolls on the little tube thingy because
    • they’re lazy.
    • simple gadgets like this are the devil’s work.
  • can’t put their toilet paper rolls on the little tube thingy because
    • it’s broken, but they’re too thrifty to spend money frivolously and buy a new one.
    • they’re ignorant and can’t figure it how to do it.
    • they’re freakish, unnatural human-animal hybrids, and their thick, nondextrous fingers prevent them from doing so.
• Pluggers may defecate in enormous quantity without warning at any given moment, and thus multiple rolls of toilet paper must be kept constantly at the ready.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 3/6/07

You know, if my surgeon were named “Dr. Allthumbs,” I might appreciate it if he brought in some specialists to assist.

I’m kind of weirded out by the layout of this hospital room; it looks like the fellow on the right, recovering from brain surgery, has turned his bed 90 degrees so as to improve his view of the flop-sweating. He needs the entertainment, as it seems his only reading material as an airline safety information card.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/6/07

NO, DAMMIT! IN ORDER TO CONVINCE US THAT A JOKE IS CUTE, YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY MAKE A CUTE JOKE! YOU CAN’T JUST HAVE THE CHARACTER THAT DIDN’T DELIVER THE JOKE SAY “CUTE”!

DAMMIT!

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Slylock Fox, 3/5/07

Wow, so Slylock Fox is keeping with its overall mystery theme, but seems to have moved from cutesy Encyclopedia Brown-type mysteries to late night Cinemax “erotic thriller”-type mysteries. This shift can probably be attributed to the hiring of the sexy Cassandra Cat, who featured in a previous disturbingly adult installment of the feature. What really ups the squik factor me, honestly, is not merely Cassandra’s bound state, or even the fact that she really was tied up by a “friend”; no, it’s Slylock and Max’s creepy, expressionless, voyeuristic stares. You sort of get the feeling that they’ve been halfway into that window for a while now.

By the way, I didn’t even notice the goldfish, thrashing around on the floor as it dies slowly, until I read the solution to the puzzle. So thanks for making me contemplate that little horror in the midst of this perversion, Mr. Omniscient Upside-Down Slylock Fox Narrator.

Herb and Jamaal, 3/5/07

I’m not sure what Herb’s expression in the final panel is supposed to indicate: that he’s reveling in squinty-eyed glee at his own lame internal joke, or that he’s taking a dump in his pants. Frankly, both scenarios would provide him with roughly equal amounts of dignity.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 3/5/07

I don’t really have a ton to say about today’s TDIET, except that “Richard Kahane” is none other than faithful reader and occasional commentor Obélix, who scores points for actually making his entry comics-related. Comics Curmudgeon readers have now supplied four or five TDIETs over the past year or so, which may say something about what percentage of this feature’s readership we make up.

Spider-Man, 3/5/07

Sadly, today’s thrilling remote control nabbing makes panel two the most exciting moment in Spider-Man in several weeks. Still, it’s nice to see that Brendan Fraser is still getting work.

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Apartment 3-G, 3/4/07

The final panel of Sunday’s Apartment 3-G — in which Margo, unfamiliar with normal human methods of showing emotion, does her best to illustrate adoration with closed eyes and pouty lips, while Eric recoils in disgust — is pretty much the best thing ever. It’s enough to almost make me ignore Katy’s blatant bit of pantomimed drug innuendo in the fifth panel. We’ll soon find that Eric is only capable of showing real tenderness to his blood relatives; he only chose Margo as a sexual partner because of her steely invulnerability to typical weaknesses like “feelings”, and thus he’s about to drop her like a hot potato.

Dennis the Menace, 3/4/07

Dennis’ level of menacing has hit a new low. By right, Dennis ought to be causing nightmares with malice aforethought, not suffering from them. But the last panel offers a clue to the lack of Menace: Dennis has clearly undergone some traumatic, Clockwork Orange-style de-menacing process. (The strip title in the first panel indicates that the techniques may have been derived from the CIA’s LSD-based mind control experiments from the 1960s.) Dennis knows that some essential bit of his soul has been killed, and he begs his father to reverse the procedure, or, failing that, to crack his skull open and be done with it.

Judge Parker, 3/4/07

Ah, wealthy suburban Americans, your wealthy suburban Americanism is showing! “Oh dear, my teenage daughter has a bag with several books in it; she can’t possibly take public transportation! I’ll call the butler, post-haste! This trip is totally helping her learn about life on her own.” Of course, like most of the 3.6 million people who choose to ride the Paris Metro every day rather than call for their manservant to come with the Bentley, Neddy and Abbey will inevitably be assaulted by punk rockers.

Incidentally, Neddy, they have these things called “backpacks” now that allow you to carry books more comfortably than that … whatever it is you have slung over your shoulder. Backpacks are even for sale in backwards, retail-starved cities like Paris.

Panels from Shoe, 3/4/07

The throwaway panels in Sunday’s Shoe brought me up short. Is that the bird version of Andy Warhol the Perfesser is talking to? So, if Andy Warhol were still alive today, he’d be doing public service announcements about the importance of staying in school? And he’d be a bird?

Also, this panel from Sunday’s Mark Trail was a little marvel of cruelty:

“Hey, kids! Did you know that the beach is covered with corpses? Rotting corpses?”