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Gil Thorp, 2/5/07

It’s good to see that the revolutionary struggle that Steve Luhm and Hadley V. Baxendale waged for gender equality two years ago has transformed Milford High athletics into a gender-blind paradise. Hadley and Steve may have left Milford behind for higher learning at Vassar (where they are pursuing degrees in Women’s Studies and Anthropology, respectively), but their legacy is felt as the boys prepare to go cheer on the Lady Mudlarks in a nurturing, mutually supportive environment. More troubling is the … precipitation … in the first panel. Is that confetti coming down in the middle of the game against New Thayer? Or … snow? Is it snowing indoors? My God, has the girls’ athletic program, in budgeting decisions forced by the ultra-liberal 9th Circuit Court of Appeals’ interpretation of Title IX, eaten up the resources that should by rights be used to patch the roof on the gym where manly competition takes place? DAMN YOU, FEMINAZIS! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Slylock Fox, 2/5/07

This edition of Slylock Fox presents an intriguing meeting of the realistic and the cartoonish, as the bowler-cap-and-shorts-wearing bright yellow Max Mouse peers nervously through the gloom at his much more lifelike feral counterpoint, who presumably spends less time aiding detective work and enjoying co-ed sleepovers with lady mice named “Melody” and more time eating garbage and being poisoned. Similarly pleasing and realistically drawn is the sinister, multitentacled furnace. As for the mystery itself, the solution is rather clever, though I imagine that whoever comes down to turn the furnace on will be less likely to provide clues to Slylock and Max to help them catch the thief and more likely to shriek and try to hit them with a broom.

B.C., 2/5/07

Ha! It’s funny because … there’s … a pit with a huge pile of … dismembered human legs. Or, um, parts of human legs, anyway. Um. Funny. Ha. Um.

Curtis, 2/5/07

Dear Curtis:

• Compton.
• Philly.
• The distance between the two.

Here to help.

The Family Circus, 2/5/07

Years later, renowned developer William Keane, a close friend to the Secretary of the Interior, stood on the ridgeline and watched the bulldozers do their work, transforming this part of the former Yellowstone National Park into the Estates at Yellowstone™. As the formerly rugged ground was graded into the smooth surfaces necessary to build the broad arterials, looping drives, and nestled cul de sacs that would define the geography of this exclusive suburban community, a small smile played across his lips, as if some ancient anger had finally been soothed.

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Apartment 3-G, 2/4/07

So I just spent a good chunk of time catching up on the various comics I missed while I was away, and I have to say that nothing was so disturbing as the bizarre turn of events in Apartment 3-G that saw Tommie falling into the arms of a pencil-mustached lothario out of the 1970s 1950s 1890s [Note: Historical records confirm that there has been no decade in recorded human history in which Neil’s clothes, haircut, and mustache would be considered fashionable and attractive. –Eds] Less traumatizing than Neil, who will soon cast aside Tommie like a used tissue, is Gary, aka “Boy Tommie.” Clearly this lookalike duo is destined for romance, at which point all of time and space will collapse into a black hole of bland mopiness from which nothing, not even fun, can escape.

I really thought for a minute that Tommie was supposed to be wearing a bolo tie, but it turns out that it’s just a Victorian locket or something. Still, she is looking rather Old Western, and not in a good way.

Before I conclude, I do want to cast a look back at a couple of gems from last week. I certainly don’t mean this as a disparagement of Uncle Lumpy’s fine job filling in, but it’s just that he doesn’t necessarily share all of my incomprehensible comics obsessions, one of which is old people having sex.

Judge Parker and Crankshaft, 2/1/07

It was too slow-moving and pointless to cover here, but I always thought there was something a little odd in the interaction between Rachel and her regular butler (who now seems to be locked in his sickroom, totally forgotten) in the weeks leading up to Abbey and Neddy’s arrival in Paris. I don’t even want to know about the twisted power dynamics that go on in a sexual relationship between an old gazillionare biddy and her manservant. I do know that I love Rachel’s expression in panel two. It says, “Yeah, that’s right, you sexy young mulleted whippersnapper, I’m eighty years old and dying of cancer, but I’ve been gettin’ me some hot servant tail for decades, while you can’t even bed your own husband by wearing something low-cut and getting him boozed up!”

Crankshaft’s face, meanwhile, bears the ashen expression of a lonely widower who is suddenly reminded that he hasn’t felt the intimate touch of another human being in decades. That’s Crankshaft for you, which mainly serves to provide comic relief for Funky Winkerbean.

Finally, yesterday’s Watch Your Head had an amusing take on Curtis.

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I spent part of my vacation urinating behind this filthy abandoned desert shack, and believe me, I wasn’t the first.

Hi everybody! I’m glad everyone had such a good time with Uncle Lumpy during my week away. I told our good avuncular stand-in, who was all chomping at the bit and posting comics just after midnight on the day they were published for much of the week, that I would start doing my duties again today (Sunday), except that the day sort of got away from me and now I don’t feel like it. So you’ll get Sunday (and Monday) comics tomorrow (Monday) at some point.

Yes, that’s right, it’s my first day back, and I’m already falling behind. You’ll take it and you’ll like it, people!

To soothe your ire, though, I do have this week’s comments of the week for you. First, the winner:

“Mary Worth: This calls for a second opinion, but where can I find a white doctor at this hour?” –Smacky

And some sweet, sweet runner-up action:

“You think Curtis’ dad’s day has gone badly? Just think about mine — I was unable to avoid reading Curtis today!” –reader-who-posts

“Why is Tommie getting kissed? Has the strip shifted into some alternate
universe? Because it’s kind of scary, and I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.” –Wocket

“Is holding hands in bed sweet or creepy and weird? I vote the latter. Though to be fair, everything a Patterson does is creepy and weird, including but not limited to: eating eggs, whistling and playing checkers.” –Plinko Commie

“Hello? One person gets money and props, while another person gets kicked in the teeth, and somehow that’s ‘even’ in the Foobiverse? What, are the Patternsons a single organism like ants or something?” –Sheilagh

“‘Canada is my mistress,’ declared Harvey Rood, ‘and Ontario is her shapely arse!'” –PeteMoss

“Michael’s first published line: ‘Dear Forum: I never thought it would happen to me…'” –Dave

“‘Beavers can be a real problem in some areas.’ Geez, Elrod must know he’s doing a crude Vagisil commercial.” –PeteMoss

“‘What makes you think I’m going to have more beavers?’ Well, after all, nobody can eat just one.” –Pozzo

“‘This is Tommie. She saw the play.’ That sort of sums up the redeeming qualities of our nearly invisible heroine. Gina might as well have said, ‘This is Tommie. She has pocket lint.'” –Coffeeclash

“I never saw any of Stalin’s cartoons, but I bet they sucked. Of course, no one was gonna tell him that.” –True Fable

“MossMoses raises the intriguing possibility that there is some sort of nested series of bullies in Curtis, each of which is named after the last one in the series. That is, “Onion” is named after `Onion’, and likewise there is a bully named after “Onion” named “`Onion”’. All of this raises the possibility of there being a level-zero bully, or ur-bully if you like, whose name is simply Onion. Of course, it may be that even Onion isn’t the ur-bully, and that he himself was named after some other bully who called himself Leek or something.” –Craigers

“Foob: Why does everyone go around in their socks? This whole comic strip smells like stinky feet.” –Ham Gravy

“Crankshaft: Actually, his blood type is O so very negative!” –Mibbitmaker

“(DT)GT: ‘But then she backslides like a class clown.’ Buh? Do class clowns have some sort of 12-step program or something?” –True Fable

“Whenever I see someone say the word ‘hope’ in Funky Winkerbean, I imagine some crusty old prospector leaping into town all crazy and excited, only to find out that his haul is nothing but Fool’s Hope. And then he dies of black lung.” –Rhekarid

“Exactly what does Curtis’s dad do anyway? I’ve always assumed he has some kind of classic comedy generic office job but upon closer examination of that enormous sculpted melon of his, he might be an Easter Island statue impersonator. Although I can’t imagine a gig like that pays enough to keep a guy in smokes.” –Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy

“Re: Sally Forth. Have no fear. There won’t be another comic strip character party/shindig. The birthday will just be Sally tossing back the bourbon and hurling out the obscenities. After all, that’s how I plan to ring in 40 this year.” –Ces

And of course, I’m never too busy to kiss some advertiser butt:

• Pixelgirl Shop Loves You!: Hot gifts for you & the ones you love!
• The Ultimate T-shirt: A feat of engineering! A wonder to behold! Not to be trifled with!

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

And! I must give EXTRA BIG thanks to everyone who participated in Uncle Lumpy’s (totally not suggested by me) bake sale! All the recipes look delicious, and everyone who sent in a donation to my tip jar will get a personal thank-you note from me tomorrow, promise.

Finally, we all really need to give “mad props” (as the kids in Curtis say) to Uncle Lumpy for his admirable fill-in curmudgeoning. This was the first time I’ve done anything like this in the 2+ year history of this site. The blog is my baby, and I was a little nervous about it, but I think it turned out to be a smashing success. So three cheers for our noble Uncle, who is more prompt than I! And more comics action and less jibber-jabber from me tomorrow, promise.