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The Phantom, 12/16/06

I’m not going to lie to you: I love love love the Phantom’s always awesome NEXT: boxes. They can be by turns catchy and taunting. This particular example raises the intriguing prospect of NEXT: boxes that consider the ancillary details of the situation being portrayed. Like if the big purple guy is secretly hitching a ride on a military helicopter to Rhodia, and we get NEXT: What’s the weather like there? Or if the Ghost Who Walks is punching out some ne’er-do-wells as faithful Devil looks on, and we’re confronted with NEXT: Heartworms!

This strip is well known for its love of the interrobang, but Denton’s administrative assistant is so startled by the sight of President Luaga’s muscular assertion of executive authority that she’s just plain bangobanging.

Herb and Jamaal, 12/16/06

You know, I’ve always thought of Herb and Jamaal as, if not B.C.-style theocratic or even Family Circus-style churchy, at least kind of church friendly. That was before today, when we saw that the seemingly friendly Rev. Croom is in fact a money-grubbing charlatan. I look forward to future installments, where the good Reverent is forced into a reparative therapy facility after being caught with a male prostitute and boatload of meth, and his flock mostly turns their back on Christ as a result.

Pluggers, 12/16/06

So, pluggers are Bloods, eh? That’s it, I’m joining the Crips.

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Hey all! I am running a bit behind on this weekend’s comics — probably won’t get to them until tonight — but here are your Comments of the Week to tide you over. First, the top choice:

“Ella is like the Main Street buildings at Disneyland, all cute and gingerbready and three-quarter scale.” –AppleGirl

And! Runners up!

“The creepiest thing about the 12/9 Family Circus is that the kids are in this cavernous white-walled room that is empty save for an ugly couch and one picture on the wall. Apparently the Keane family is living in my college apartment.” –NJP

“If only there were one solitary gay man in the Charterstone complex to Garanimal-tag Ian’s clothing so that he would know which shirt and jacket went with which pair of slacks. We’ve all wondered how he landed Toeby. Must’ve run over her seeing-eye dog.” –Dingo

“I’d really hate to think what Al Scaduto’s children are named.” –UnkleSam

“If Blondie ever Flapped in the ’20s, there would have been physics involved. Ugly, graduate school physics.” –Craig Shergold

“The coolest thing about that news story is that Tinsley is first described with the adjective ‘Hoosier.’ WTF? You midwesterners keep it real.” –Rusty

“I call bullsh**t on Luann! If I’m a real postman and a dog strolls up and starts up a trite conversation about Santa Claus, ol’ Puddles is getting a ‘special delivery’ of industrial mace by the third panel.” –Captain Blimey

“I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d freak the hell out if I came into my boss’s office and he was feverishly nailing a board. Look at the look on the poor old man’s face. It’s like his eyes are screaming.” –RoboMax: Agent of C.U.R.M.U.D.G.E.O.N

“I don’t like how smug Mark Trail looks in that last panel. It’s like he thinks he’s the king of Lost Forest or something, just for saving a beaver from death. What, Trail, you’re all modest and whatnot after punching out some guy but saving a beaver makes you all high and mighty? You sicken me.” –Mike P

“I must be getting soft or something, because I find Totally Got Laid Margo sweet, in a way. I’m sure it will all end in tears, but I am enjoying her totally over the top HOORAY LOVE high. It’s like she read a book about how to express joy over finding a partner you like a lot, and is following it to the letter.” –Sjofn

“I guess Denton prefers having the president punch him than the awful alternative: the Phantom hiding behind a horse.” –reader-who-posts

“Actually, I think Mark Trail is going to involve a lot of beavers, and Mark will go about punching all sorts of beaver. That is obviously not innuendo, as Mark Trail is repulsed by sex.” –dan b

“Yeah, and you gotta love that ‘sanctity of Charterstone life’ b.s. Those folks are a long, long way from fetuses.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Dennis: Saddle Shoes. Joey: Chuck Taylors. ¿Que es mas menacing?” –rafael

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Dennis the Menace, 12/15/06

I’m not sure why Dennis’ persistent and willfully non-menacing behavior makes me so mad, but it does, it does. Dennis, you had damn well be heading right for the aforementioned closet with the intention of sorting through all the presents, determining that most of them are “lame,” taking them back to the store where Mom bought them and exchanging them for cash, using that cash to buy the most powerful BB gun they’ll sell to a child, and then heading down to the overpass to shoot out the windshields of innocent motorists. That’s being a menace, by God.

By the way, if it’s December, any child with even the most basic concept of how numbers work knows exactly how many days there are left until Christmas. In America, that’s how most of us learn to subtract.

Mark Trail, 12/15/06

So is this it? Is Mark Trail just going to be all lonely, confused animals in the woods all the time now? Is it going to turn into Mutts? Is that it? No punching, just Mutts with a slightly broader species range of adorable creatures?

Rusty is looking more and more hideously deformed every day, and his front teeth are looking buckier and buckier. I’m beginning to think he’s caught beaver.

The Phantom, 12/15/06

Right, so, um, yesterday? When I said it would be awesome to see the president personally beat somebody up? Well, I was pretty much just joking. Turns out it actually makes me kind of uncomfortable. In President Luaga’s defense, though, Denton did take his glasses off in panel two, which totally means that he’s asking for it.

Family Circus, 12/15/06

“And Easter came before Halloween so that Zombie Jesus had a chance to get good and hungry for brains by October 31.”