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You’ve probably noticed the pictures of various cool, attractive people sporting Comics Curmudgeon gear in the sidebar just under the Amazon ad and thought to yourself, “I’d like to be one of those people, but I’m just not cool and/or attractive enough!” Well, here’s a shot in the arm for your self-esteem: you can be one of those people! All you have to do is (1) buy some Comics Curmudgeon gear, (2) take a picture of yourself wearing and/or drinking out of it, and (3) e-mail said picture to me. People have already taken step 1 in record numbers; those shirts and mugs should be arriving around now, so I order you to take steps 2 and 3 today!

As always, I lead by example. Check out my awesome new Margo Warhol t-shirt (art courtesy of David Willis):

“Hey, Josh,” you’re probably saying, “That’s pretty mercenary. Isn’t there some way for my picture to appear on this blog without me having to spend any money?” Of course there is. You could, say, pretend to be a cartoon character from a soap opera strip. Yes, the Finger Quotin’ Margo Lookalike Contest is over, but I want to emphasize that I am more than willing to give a platform to whatever wacko wants to pretend to be Margo Magee or the like. Why, here’s a picture recently sent to me by faithful reader MonkeyPants:

Now, you might be saying, “Hey, she’s not wearing a turtleneck!” But she used to work for King Features and actually edited Apartment 3-G for four years, so I think she knows a little bit more about what Margo would wear than you do.

I conclude this metapost by pointing out two more comics blogs that get more obsessive than even I could contemplate and focus their rage on a single strip: Permanent Monday, which is all about Garfield, and Dinette Set Deconstruction, which is about, well, the Dinette Set. Joy and Burl’s heads float quite creepily above the text in the latter.

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Mark Trail, 7/10/06

SAY, MARK! IT’S REALLY POLITE OF YOU AND RANGER RICK TO THINK OF US AND SHOUT YOUR DIALOGUE SO WE CAN HEAR IT! I’M ASSUMING THAT’S WHY YOU’RE YELLING WHILE YOU’RE TALKING, EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE ONLY INCHES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER UP IN THAT TREE! IT SORT OF MAKES ME FEEL UNGRATEFUL TO POINT OUT THAT THROUGH THE MAGIC OF CARTOONING, WE CAN “HEAR” YOU JUST FINE, EVEN THOUGH OUR PERSPECTIVE IS QUITE FAR AWAY FROM YOU! BUT REALLY, THANKS FOR BEING SO THOUGHTFUL!

OH, AND I THINK THE BEAR IS TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT HE’S GOING TO ENJOY KILLING AND EATING YOU WHEN YOU GET DOWN FROM THAT TREE, AS YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO EVENTUALLY! JUST A GUESS, THOUGH!

Those of you enraptured by Mark Trail’s giant talking animals (and who isn’t, really?) will enjoy this drinking game over at the Deadspin sports blog.

For Better Or For Worse, 7/10/06

I think I speak for everyone everywhere when I say that I hope this is (a) karmic retribution for the Pattersons Junior allowing their little squallers to run wild and disturb the peaceful Kelpforths in their quiet cigar-smoking repose and (b) the beginning of Mike’s slow descent into madness. I might point out that Deanna seems to have been able to sleep just fine through the tinkling and the tonkling, but not through her husband’s lunatic overreaction to it, yet miraculously she didn’t punch him in the throat or anything. I might also point out that Mrs. C. has problems of her own in regards to sleeping through fan noise (though for her it’s less TINKLE TONKLE TINKLE TONK and more CLICK CLICK WHIRRR); however, rather than wrapping the fan in scotch tape like some sort of crazy person, she just makes me turn it off.

The Lockhorns, 7/10/06

Sometimes the Lockorns is just so much about unadulterated mutual loathing that it takes my breath away. Look at the way they’re glaring at each other with undisguised contempt. Roast rage is on the menu every night at Casa Lockhorn, along with buttered bile and fried green hate.

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Judge Parker, 7/9/06

What I’m about to say here, combined with my earlier assertion that Randy Parker was flirting with his own stepmother (and, well, just about every other post I’ve ever written) will probably lead you to believe that I have a filthy, filthy mind, but I think that the sexual tension between Raju and Abbey is really palpable here. I mean, look at the eyes she’s giving him even before he proclaims that it gives him pleasure to “help.” Sophie is sent packing almost immediately thereafter, and Raju is about to discover that at least some women in America appreciate a guy with brains and don’t care so much about teeth.

Mary Worth, 7/9/06

Is it just me, or is Mary looking a little … tarted up in the last panel? I’m guessing this is supposed to be “Kelrast-cam,” showing just what it is that he sees that he likes so much.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/9/06

Mrs. C. has a theory about what exactly little Sarah is suffering from: Munchausen syndrome by proxy. Think about it: her parents are both medical pros with access to reams of incomprehensible medical mumbo-jumbo, and they have absolutely nothing in common except their daughter, and they only seem to pay attention to her when she’s sick. I’m just saying. Hopefully Abbey the Wonderdog will paw the DSM-IV open to the correct page in time!

Curtis, 7/9/06

OK, so there’s no sexy ladies in this strip, but I’d like to point out that the baby at the far right of the last panel’s Hieronymus Bosch-esque suburban hellscape is sitting in a puddle of his own urine. I recognize that this is not in any way a sexy lady equivalent, but I thought it worthy of mention. Also, I think “stickleback” sounds like an extremely obscure slur against some unidentifiable ethnic group. “Hey, stickleback! Why don’t you go back where you came from?“