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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/28/22

Oh my God, this Rex Morgan, M.D., plot really is going to be “Mud Mountain Murphy only pretended to have a catastrophic digestive situation so he could move up from opening act to headliner,” huh? Well, since Rex vaguely tried to offer Mud medical assistance, I look forward to him shutting down his clinic altogether after this. After all, how can he be sure that any patient who walks through the door isn’t just faking it to help their career in the entertainment business? And then Rex would have used a portion of his precious and limited reserves of human empathy for nothing. Better safe than sorry!

Dustin, 11/28/22

I guess when it comes down to it, none of us should be surprised that Dustin’s dad works at a law firm that specifically caters to real assholes who hate their kids, right?

Pluggers, 11/28/22

Look, everyone, it’s a drawing of a down-home, salt-of-the-earth dog-man guzzling laxative so he can shit himself thin! I dunno, man. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this one.

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Mary Worth, 11/27/22

Ah, this is the point in the Mary Worth storyline where all the characters have been chirpily telling each other how great everything is for weeks until we, the readers, want to die, but then we hit a sudden shocking twist: what if things … aren’t great? Aren’t great at all? What if there’s a certain someone from Zak’s past that’s he’s ben missing all these years? That would be quite a development! Remember, Zak used to have an age-appropriate friend group, but I guess they abandoned him when his dumb girlfriend started hanging around him all the time, so maybe it’s one of them? On the other hand, maybe it’s Wilbur. Wilbur and Zak used to hang out! Zak thinks Wilbur is pretty cool, which is deeply troubling!

Panels from Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/27/22

Wow, Loweezy looks genuinely distressed in the second throwaway panel here, doesn’t she? Please, Snuffy, you’ve got to get up and hunt! Your family has no money and is on the brink of starvation!

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Folks, today is what would’ve been Peanuts creator Charles Schulz’s 100th birthday! I feel pretty strongly that he was the best who ever did it in the newspaper comics world, and one of the great things he did was not hand off the strip to a child or assistant and create one more zombie lurching across the funny pages.

Anyway, most of the strips (zombie or otherwise) are celebrating Peanuts today, and most of those celebrations and great and heartfelt. But this website isn’t called the Comics Respecter, so for this Thanksgiving Saturday I’m going to bring you the two worst ones. Enjoy!

Marvin, 11/26/22

Feel like this is the very worst of the bunch. Ha ha, Marvin is talking about the comic strip Peanuts, but his friend has never heard of it and thinks he’s talking about peanuts, the food! And why would he have heard of the comic strip, anyway? It stopped running in papers years ago and these guys are literal babies. Honestly it’s pretty weird that Marvin knows about it. Anyway, that’s it, the third panel is just wasted, and we assume these two babies move onto some other conversational topic that they can both engage with on equal terms. Couldn’t even be bothered to wedge a poop joke in there. Sad!

Beetle Bailey, 11/26/22

Speaking of sad, before they did this strip, the team over at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC probably briefly contemplated what their lives would be like if all comics artists were as protective of their creations as Charles Schulz was. Or maybe they didn’t! Honestly, nothing that’s ever appeared in this strip implies that they’re real introspective over there. Either way, their vision for this assignment was “What the town where the entire Peanuts gang lives was washed away in a flood, with a terrified Snoopy the only survivor?”