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Dick Tracy, 8/8/06

The composition in this Dick Tracy cartoon is so striking — with the two lone figures crawling along the parapet of the Capitol dome, glowing in the dark night — that it seems a bit petty to note how spectacularly lame the dialogue is here. I’m particularly dissapointed in Detective Tracy’s choice of epithets: “Loser” seems a little, well, dude-ish to be coming out of the mouth of this hard-boiled agent. How about “terrorist scum”? Just a suggestion. Admittedly, from what we’ve seen of him so far, Al Kinda is kind of a loser, but that doesn’t mean you’re exempted from your responsibility to keep the patter snappy.

Also, note to Dick: “Chicken” usually consists of two people running towards each other, not one person running away from another person while they shoot at each other. Just FYI.

Gil Thorp, 8/8/06

As Ben Franklin goes all golf shark and starts bilking gambling addict Marty Moon out of his pathetic DJ salary, and Coach Brown feeds her charges the socially acceptable lie that real beauty is on the inside, Gil Thorp gets into its adrenaline-fueled groove, switching back and forth between plotlines willy-nilly. This might generate some excitement if either golf or gymnastics were interesting, but they aren’t so it doesn’t.

Archie, 8/8/06

I’m not one to get hot and bothered over the smuttiness of comics, but Betty’s shorts are, um, alarmingly short.

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Family Circus, 8/7/06

I’d like to think that little Jeffy is finally asserting himself violently, like a Frenchman whose honor has been insulted, while Billy is suddenly whining like a little baby Italian. But longtime readers of this feature know that Jeffy has neither the cojones to take on his brother’s sternum with his forehead nor the leg strength to take the flying leap depicted in the top half of this panel. The only logical conclusion is that he once again is a pawn in someone else’s game: presumably some other Keane who has a gripe with Billy (Mom? Dad? Dolly? Barfy?) has hurled Jeffy at the offending towhead.

Apartment 3-G, 8/7/06

Speaking of red cards, if Tommie doesn’t do something really dramatic tomorrow — I’m thinking suicide, or at least some sort of ritual cutting — then I’m citing her for drama. “Sorry, Professor, I wanted to ask if you’d watch Crossing Jordan with me last night … but now it’s too late! That is, at least until next Tuesday at 10 p.m., on NBC!”

By the way, panel two features a rare example of the King Features coloring monkeys actually making up for a defect in the original drawing. That cool cat Ari somehow lost his mustache between the first and second panels, making him look all too much more like Mary Worth’s Professor Ian “Chinbeard” Cameron. In an attempt to maintain facial hair continuity, the colorists didn’t daub his upper lip with “caucasian peach” in panel two, leaving him looking like he has one of those icky “got milk?” mustaches.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/7/06

Something about Rex’s bolded-italicized phrase in panel one makes me want to repeat it over and over again, Zippy the Pinhead style. It sounds like it could be a rhyming catchphrase from a Jesse Jackson speech. “Your life was an escalating deception … as you tried to create a dishonest perception! Now you need to make a whole-hearted correction!”

In a comment in an earlier post, faithful reader Laura noted that the little blurb at the top right of the first panel (“As Rex begins to walk away, Troy stops him!”) is, in her words, the “GAYEST. OMNISCIENT NARRATION BOX. EVER.”, which made me chuckle. What I’m wondering is how this so-called omniscient narration box failed to figure out that “Troy”‘s name is actually “Adam,” since everyone in the strip, up to and including Abbey the Wonder Dog, has by now been clued it.

The Middletons, 8/7/06

I suppose it’s strictly accurate to say that it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “rockin’ and rollin’.” Since nobody has actually used the phrase before, any meaning you attribute to it would be “new.”

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Hi kids! As I’ve mentioned in the past, I write a weekly feature on political cartoons for the political blog Wonkette. Well, Wonkette is a bit short-staffed at the moment, and, having proven my ability to operate blogging software and my lack of an office job that might frown on my blogging on company time, I’ve been drafted into guest-blogging for a few days this week. Since I don’t live in Washington, don’t have any real connection with politics or government, and don’t have cable, it will be interesting to see how this works out. If you have any tips that might make interesting posts on Wonkette, please send ’em to me.

Keep in mind that Wonkette is a political blog in a fairly loose sense: it’s interested not so much in thoughtful debate and policy analysis and more in mockery and perversion. Think less “McNeil-Lehrer News Hour” and more “The Daily Show.” So please don’t send me your impassioned 4,000-word treatise on health care reform or campaign finance law, or your detailed conspiracy theories. Did someone show up to testify at a House finance subcommittee meeting dressed as a chicken? Did a national office-holder or major political candidate make a bizarre or inadvertently hilarious statement in public, possibly when he or she didn’t realize that the microphone was on? Is there a major political sex scandal brewing, involving (this would be the Wonkette mother lode) sodomy? This is the sort of thing I want to know.