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Funky Winkerbean, 11/23/22

Oh my God, Mr. Davidson the janitor is some kind of near-immortal being, charged with subtly guiding the world under his care, just like the characters in the MCU movie Eternals (maybe? like all normal people, I did not see that movie or read the comics it was based on). Anyway, it turns out that despite his apparent old age, in the context of his own kind he’s just a beginner, which explains why the Funkyverse is so deeply fucked up.

Dick Tracy, 11/23/22

I guess the glory days of Dick Tracy really are behind us: instead of having his skull exploded by powerful magnets, Steelface just got mildly burned and then left the hospital in a huff over the substandard medical care they provided, and instead of being shot in the back for “resisting arrest” by Dick and his goons, he’s just going to learn through irony that stealing cars isn’t very nice, and so he’ll wind his stolen car ring up post-haste and move on to more socially productive pursuits.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/23/22

Oh wow, look at how mad Truck is! He’s beginning to suspect that Mud Mountain’s whole binge eating/onstage pants-shitting bit was just a ruse that successfully promoted him from opening act to headliner! This is why you never found stardom, Truck: you have to be willing to endure any humiliation, public or private, if it advances your career. You never had what it takes and you never will.

Pluggers, 11/23/22

A fun fact is that on more than one occasion I’ve started to take a shower and realized I still had my hearing aids on, which is a much more terrifying situation vis-a-vis replacement costs than the one in which this plugger finds himself. But it turns out they’re pretty hardy gadgets and they came through OK! Anyway, I have out-pluggered a Pluggers and now I need to go take a long shower (without my glasses or hearing aids on) to cry.

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Family Circus, 11/22/22

Back in 1996, Ma Keane got a kicky new hairstyle and it was such a big deal that it was the subject of feature stories in major newspapers. But in these fallen days, when comics are a neglected medium, there’s exactly zero buzz about Big Daddy Keane finally bleaching his hair platinum blond like he’s always wanted to. I think he looks great!

Funky Winkerbean, 11/22/22

Oh, god, it looks like we’re finally going to find out that the janitor has been putting cancer into the water all these years. IT WAS THE JANITOR! IT WAS THE JANITOR ALL ALONG! I mean, wouldn’t you try to kill off these freaks if you had the chance?

Beetle Bailey, 11/22/22

Anyone else briefly think Zero had frozen to death and get kinda sad while reading panel one? This is a hell of a way to find out that I care whether a Beetle Bailey character lives or dies!

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Gil Thorp, 11/21/22

Uh oh, it looks like the fall Gil Thorp storyline is tacking another important teen trend: the scourge of Advil addiction. Today’s kids think nothing about popping four “Vitamin I” caplets every two or three hours even though the label clearly says you should only do it four times a day. It’s been in Time and Newsweek! And you do not want to know what those sick freaks are doing with Icy Hot.

Family Circus, 11/21/22

I’m a little unnerved by the contrast between the big star being emitted by Billy’s foot, which generally indicates serious pain, and his dispassionate facial expression. “Hmm,” he seems to be thinking, “It appears that I’ve managed to injure one of my lesser extremities. Thank goodness I’ve hacked my neurological stack so that I’m receiving the relevant data from my pain receptors but am not distracted by it.”

Six Chix, 11/21/22

How’s everyone’s Thanksgiving shaping up? Have you got your dinner planned out? Are you sure you have enough pie for the w o o d   d e m o n s