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Funky Winkerbean, 3/10/22

Wow, in an extremely believable turn of events, Marianne has won an Academy Award for Best Actress, for her extremely cliched role as “wife who dies of cancer” in a movie nobody saw or liked or promoted! And, as is only appropriate, she begins her acceptance speech by thanking Lisa, who died of c– wait, what? She’s thanking her mother? UNACCEPTABLE! Under most circumstances, I don’t want to be confronted with Les’s smug face, but I do sort of want to see a smash cut to him watching at home mournfully, while Cayla smirks in the background.

Crankshaft, 3/10/22

Remember last month, when Crankshaft went to church to pray for a disaster-level snowstorm, which would snarl his town’s economy and possibly result in accidents and deaths, but would have the advantage of getting him time off of work? Well, I never followed up on that, but there was a big storm and they did cancel school, but he went in to work anyway because he didn’t bother to check, because he’s an idiot. What he took away from that experience, though, was that God would heed his call to heap pain and violence on others at his whim, and I think everyone in Centerville is going to be a lot worse off for it.

Rex Morgan, M.D. 3/10/22

Man, check out Rex’s expression in panel two! That’s the face of a man who knows that he’s supposed to feel joy at the prospect of a new adorable baby entering the world, and so he’s just going to tighten his cheeks has hard as he can and hope that’s the vibe he’s conveying.

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Family Circus, 3/9/21

In the interests of fairness and integrity, I will always admit it when a day’s Family Circus is one of the good ones, and folks … today is one of those days. My favorite thing here is the way that Billy is resting his arm on the couch; I suppose the intention is that he’s indicating the couch on which he’s offering to sleep, but I’d like to think that he’s actually so stunned by this bowl of candy, just left out there at a grabbing height, where anyone can get at it, that he’s staggered backwards and needs to hold himself up. If he can just maintain his composure until everyone goes to sleep, he can shove all of that candy down his gullet and then spend the night staring at the ceiling in the grips of the most delightful sugar mania.

Daddy Daze, 3/9/21

This Daddy Daze is also pretty good, to be honest. I’m still not convinced one way or the other on whether or not the Daddy Daze baby’s “ba”s represent real linguistic content, but that’s irrelevant to the fact that the Daddy Daze daddy has lost steam halfway through the process of putting on his shirt and is now just standing there with it covering his face, contemplating the fact that all of us are really just 100 pounds or so of rotting meat hanging off of our skeletons.

Dennis the Menace, 3/9/21

The best thing about this Dennis the Menace is that dinner at the Mitchell house tonight is that lumpy brown slurry that’s a comics visual shorthand for “Haw haw, wives/moms sure can’t cook, amiright fellas?” Not sure what Alice has added to it in order to make it palatable to her son this time — tons of sugar, or maybe alcohol?

Shoe, 3/9/21

“Look, I’m dying. I know I’m dying! I just don’t want to hear about it every time I go get the prescription for my boner pills renewed.”

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Rex Morgan, M.D, 3/8/22

Ha ha, so, the funny thing is that Rex and June did some asking around that made it pretty clear that they were in fact very open to the possibility that Sarah plagiarized the Doggo Twins from her erstwhile teacher and then had amnesia about it! One assumes that, had they not been saved by the intervention of a kindly jailhouse snitch, their next move in their bid to save their clinic would have been to hold a press conference disavowing any relationship with or knowledge of a person named “Sarah Morgan.” “Morgan is an extremely common name,” Rex would tell any TV reporter willing to film him saying it.

Pluggers, 3/8/22

Look, fine, we’ve been hinting at since this feature debuted in 1993, but we’re just going to come out and say it: pluggers are constipated. OK? The “plug” in “pluggers” comes from the fact that their colons are plugged up. Are you happy now? Are you????

Hi and Lois, 3/8/22

“Am I supposed to look on my phone? Also, is this thing in my hand that I’m waving around a phone? Is this what phones look like now? Remember when phones were attached to the wall by a cord?”