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Like the sands through the hourglass, so goes the COTW:

“I love how Harry’s expression changes between the first and final panels. ‘Jello shooters? I don’t know if a school organization should be promoting alcohol and — was that a pun? Ha ha, you sons of bitches, I’m in!’” –pugfuggly

Your runners up: also very funny!

“Oh, Wilbur. You’ll never understand people. Or animals. You suck!” –matt w

“Poor Thel! She can dream about a construction worker with a jackhammer and it has nothing to do with sex!” –Joe Blevins

“I hope this leads to a remake of ‘the boy who cried wolf’ where Wilbur actually dies but nobody believes it and they don’t even go to the funeral.” –Ronconi Riccardo, on Twitter

“‘I’m sure glad I’m on your staff!’ won the Least Erotic Dialogue award at the AVNs last year.” –nescio

“Even if Wilbur didn’t call, wouldn’t somebody who worked at the resort call the cruise line? ‘Hey, a disheveled guy in soaked clothes showed up here claiming he fell off one of our ships. Should we straighten out the liability or just quietly shoot him?’” –Alex Parker-Spencer-Driver

I’ll keep you from driving off a clef! Unlike our mutual friend and colleague Bull Bushka, who very recently drove off a cliff and died! Haha!” –jroggs

“Snuffy and Loweezy evidently haven’t mastered fork protocol past the ‘use as weapon’ stage.” –Pozzo

“Even if Snuffy could afford dental care or had insurance, there’s no way he’s going to let a hoity toity fluoride-touting ‘expert’ stick a drill in his mouth. It’s highly likely he also whittled those dentures himself.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘This is a partial prospectus we have prepared for you to peruse!’ is not how Hollywood people talk. Our Mr. Wallet is clearly getting scammed by a couple of Paper Moon-era con artists, who will trick him into thinking a film is being made about his life. A year from now, they’ll get him to pay $60 for tickets, popcorn, and candy to see what will turn out actually to be that disappointing Bruce Willis action movie. (Yes, the effort-versus-payout ratio of the scam is quite low, but no one in this strip is exactly a genius.)” –BigTed

“Mary gaslighting Estelle again and again and again is the most on the nose, yet subtle, Groundhog Day reference on the comics pages today.” –Where’s Rocky?

“A key concept in Nietzsche is the eternal return, the idea that an Übermensch should embrace with joy the fact that life repeats identical to itself forever. This strip shows that if you are still wedded to Platonism and Christianity like Hi, you will never be happy. Embrace nihilism!” –Ettorre

“I’ll just say this, ladies: everybody thinks Wilbur is already dead. Throw him down a well and blame his ghost if anyone thinks they saw him after the cruise liner. It may not work, but at least in jail there won’t be Wilbur.” –jerp+jump

“I was going to crack wise about the unhealthy codependence of keeping awful Wilbur around so they can bond about how awful he is, and then I realized that I read this strip and am now commenting on it with other people. Estelles all, the lot of us.” –matt w

“Dawn Weston: Old enough to carry on affairs with older men to re-enact her deep rooted daddy issues, too young to drink during the day and suppress them.” –Needless_Exposition

“We all know what Rex is thinking: Do I bring a cross claim against Sarah to indemnify us? I mean, it was her fault after all, it’s my money, and she is a pain in the ass.” –Lawyerbob

“DustinDad specifies that he ‘ended up driving‘ to get the food. This gratuitous information for the benefit of the unseen audience tipped her off that she was expected to help him set up a joke. It’s distasteful, but it pays the bills!” –Peanut Gallery

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Dustin, 2/4/22

“I mean, why would I stress about that? That whole thing is Dustin’s generation’s problem, and I don’t even like him! Anyway, if anyone needs me for the next hour, I’ll be in the bathroom, shitting.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/4/22

Wow, it’s kind of amazing that Rex and June spent so much endless and extremely uninteresting time musing about whether Sarah could emotionally handle the publicity and fame of being a big-shot author about a cat who’s also a cop, and yet apparently didn’t bother checking to see if the Morgan family could legally and financially handle it if she got sued. Was this guy their lawyer then? He’d better hope he wasn’t, because Rex in panel three definitely looks like he’s going to murder whatever lawyer fucked this up, right before he murders Kyle Vidpa.

Beetle Bailey, 2/4/22

Hey, remember in the ’90s, when potato chip companies tried to market chips made with a zero-calorie fat substitute called “Olestra” despite the fact that they had to put a label on the bags that said, in a phrase that I assume was the end product of a lot of hilarious back-and-forth with the FDA, that they caused “loose stools”? Frito Lay’s version of these chips were marketed under the WOW brand, something that just popped into my mind, probably for no reason.

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/3/22

Look, whatever, I’m perfectly fine with the idea of beleaguered band parents getting bombed while at their kids extracurricular events, and I’ll even allow that this concept + [TOPICAL PHRASE] makes for a perfectly adequate mid-week daily comics punchline. My problem is that all these people have at their table is a bunch of pamphlets. What, are they just selling instructions on how to make Jello shots? Where’s the vodka? Where are the huge bottles of vodka? Parents may or may not get drunk at the parades and sporting events they have to go to in order to support their children, I wouldn’t know, but they definitely get drunk at conventions like this one, so these people are leaving money on the table.

Mary Worth, 2/3/22

Have Dawn and Estelle ever interacted with one another, socially? Has Wilbur ever even bothered to introduce them? Or did they just awkwardly run into each other outside the bathroom of the Weston condo one morning and each of them had to explain to the other who they were?