“‘…And you won’t need a drink to do it!’ Has Mary ever even seen a Karaoke bar?” –Rosstifer
“Quick, Max! To the Slylock-mobile! You know, the lavender ATV I bought with taxpayer money! No, I don’t know where your special derby with the chin strap is! Next time, be like me and use bobby pins. They work, Max.” –Joe Blevins
“Wilbur [at staff pitch meeting]: ‘Picture it: The INCELebration of Wilbur: I Shouldn’t Be Single … But I Am!‘ [quivering jazzhands]” –2+2=7
“Ever seen a woman who’s had one too many shots of mustard gas to the face and a 3-year case of trench foot? Ha-chi-mama! Also, terrible shell shock, just … terrible.”–pugfuggly
“So, how many human skeletons in the next display, do you figure?” –nescio
“The use of boldface in Mary Worth is not always good or sensible; sometimes you wind up with weird emphasis like ‘People seem to have a good time here’ that makes Mary sound like a cop trying to figure out who’s carrying. But sometimes you get Wilbur angrily spitting out the phrase, ‘Yes, I see people who are happy’ and you can hear all the bitterness and misery heaped on one word, and it’s all worth it.” –Dan
“Today’s Mary Worth alone is far more exciting than a year of Rex Morgan. Hell, I’ll put my neck on the line and say the final panel is more exciting than two years of Rex Morgan, today’s fantastic ‘reading a note card’ action included.” –georgiabob
“‘Blue skies.’ Our old code for ‘all’s clear.’ Strange. ‘Clear sailing’… right, that means he wishes me well in the future. That’s nice. Wait, what’s this? ‘Many happy years to you and your bride?’ There’s a large force of enemy irregular troops bearing down on my left and right flanks?! Oh no!” –jroggs
“Sam’s going to take his service revolver down to the printing plant and see if he can’t get this supply chain thing figured out.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
“No, I’m fine, Sam. Thanks. I’m so happy, I couldn’t eat a thing! I just got an email saying that my order of Volume Six of Derby Dugan: The Geebus Years has just been delivered to my place. They say it’s been discontinued, and I got the very last one. I can’t wait to go home and read it on the toilet!” –made of wince
“You should show these strips if anyone not terminally online asks you to explain ‘subtweeting.’” –Ettorre
“Babies always come from the same place, Dolly. Lowered standards, too much booze, cowardly complacency, and finally fear of dying unloved and alone. Anyway, Mommy’s going to work on phase two of the process again.” –Voshkod
“My wife notes that Estelle is on a date with a man who may have access to tranquilizer darts, should Wilbur get too out of hand.” –richard8
“I’m not one for kink-shaming but I didn’t really need to know that Darryl is into erotic semaphore.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid
“Thus began the world’s first and only karaoke-based protection order. Wilbur is forbidden to sing within 1,000 feet of of schools, daycares, or basically anybody else.” –Dennis Jimenez
“Once could be just chance, but the fact Wilbur followed the falsetto-heavy ‘Cry Me a River’ with the high-pitched ‘Somebody That I Used to Know’ makes me think that actually he just has an extremely high, whiny voice. Update your headcanons accordingly.” –Schroduck
“You’ve gotta give Beetle Bailey props for playing the long game. Lulling readers into a false sense of security with a week of insipid and inane ‘gags’ only to drop a straight-up porn reference at the end of the week? That’s a baller move, son! ‘Welcome to the weekend, bitches!’ Respect.” –Doctor Moreau
“I appreciate that in Beetle Bailey’s army a male soldier can read a book called ‘Summer Romance’ without being immediately piled on by the rest of the camp. He should at least get a wet willy though for how this ‘smart’ guy is just sitting there holding the book backwards.” –Tabby Lavalamp
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