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The Lockhorns, 6/4/21

Having done this blog for many years, I can tell you that there is definitely a weekly rhythm to many of the comics. Hopefully if you’re a reader of this blog, you are aware of enough comics “inside baseball” knowledge that you know that individual comics aren’t each written the day before they’re published or anything like that. They’re submitted weeks in advance, in Monday-through-Saturday chunks (Sunday strips are submitted separately and have to be sent in even earlier). And while I’m sure most cartoonists don’t sit down and power through six comics in one sitting, as you get towards the end of the week you definitely start to get some “I’m almost done with this, fuck it” vibes. I feel strongly that today’s Lockhorns, where Leroy assures Loretta that alcoholism is fine, actually, and he’s not sure why it gets such a bad rap, fits that bill, and yet (because I contain multitudes) I also think it’s pretty great, because sometimes you want that energy on a Friday, you know?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/4/21

You know what absolutely has not been phoned in, though? Today’s Rex Morgan, M.D. Just a symphony of incredible facial expressions from two guys who know they’re not supposed to find their kids incredibly irritating and so they won’t say that they’re incredibly irritating but they absolutely find all their little antics insufferable and can’t wait until they’re off at college or whatever. “He can’t see the face I’m making, so he probably assumes I actually love my kid, even though every moment I spend with them is a chore,” both men are thinking.

Mary Worth, 6/4/21

You know what would really help out Rex and Buck? If there were like a pane of thick, soundproof glass between them and their kids, and there was a phone that ostensibly let you talk to the person on the other side, but the phone wasn’t attached to anything, so it didn’t work. Ideally it would be the kid on the jail side of the glass, of course.

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Blondie, 6/3/21

THING I LIKE ABOUT TODAY’S BLONDIE: The little anthropomorphic power-lifting mascot for Power Burger, holding aloft a barbell with hamburgers for weights! It’s simultaneously pretty cute and a little menacing, which is exactly the sweet spot you want for this.

THING I DISLIKE ABOUT TODAY’S BLONDIE: The fact Dagwood and Herb are just chowing down on their power burgers right there in the front seat of the car. Are there no tables inside Power Burger where they could enjoy their meal? Are there no parks or public spaces in their bleak exurb where they could enjoy a burger outside in the nice weather? Can they not even go home to eat? Are they ashamed?

Six Chix, 6/3/21

Hmm, I’m guessing this strip is taking the reasonable position that single-use plastics are, on the whole, bad for the environment and we should try to phase out their use. But if that was the aim, maybe they shouldn’t have made the single-use plastics look like a bunch of cool party guys, whereas the ecologically virtuous containers are a bunch of sourpusses? Just putting that out there!

Mary Worth, 6/3/21

Remember, folks, there are two different kinds of absent fathers in the world: fathers who are absent because they’re off doing virtuous things, like doctoring, in which case you’ll turn out fine, more or less, and fathers who are absent because they’re criminals, in which case you too will grow up to be a criminal. Sorry, criminality runs in your blood, I don’t make the rules!

What I do make, however, is requests to turn your attention to faithful reader Wander’s beloved Mary Worth and Me blog, where he and his wife have recreated Ashlee’s stunning photo shoot. If you’d like to be one of the “cool kids,” I request you do the same and send me the pics!

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Six Chix, 6/2/21

Sorry, folks, I can’t even deal with the ostensible joke here because of the bird’s use of “peeps” to refer to fellow birds, which is both not really related to the punchline of the strip and frankly too cute by half. There’s an old bit of comedy jargon that calls this sort of thing, where two unrelated jokes distract from each other, “putting a hat on a hat.” You should generally remove whichever one of the jokes is less funny, which I realize is hard to do in scenarios where neither is funny, but I think this strip is good evidence the leaving both in isn’t helping.

Gil Thorp, 6/2/21

Wait a minute, the library board isn’t an elective body or even appointed by elected officials, but is just a self-selecting oligarchy where current members choose new members based on their own self-serving and inscrutable criteria? That’s it, my mind’s totally changed on this whole library situation, Abel Brito needs to force his way onto this board by whatever means necessary and end this medieval institution by burning it to the ground.

Mary Worth, 6/2/21

Oh, sorry, it looks like before Ashlee sashays out of Drew’s life, expensive Rolex in hand, she’s going to get together with him for one last lunch for old time’s sake and absolutely roast him for his many personal failings.