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This week’s top comment? It’s right here and right now:

“I hope the duck cop in this town realizes how more effective superhero cosplayers are than Sherlock Holmes cosplayers when it comes to stopping crime. Not everything has to be a damn riddle.” –Flipper

And your runners up? Also funny, and hot ready for you!

“Wilbur, maybe you should try a new dating site … Have you heard of Plenty of Fish? Aw, no, stop weeping … it was too soon, I can see that now. How about Christian Mingle? You’d just have to avoid their logo … Okay, okay, I’m out. I’ll be back with some muffins, just take a shower or something. This place smells like a fish died in it, and I don’t think that’s even the reason why!” –BigTed

“Very good that the punchline(?) is that Dagwood’s son clearly got bored and left the couch after the first one of these and just left his father to sink into his standard depressive huddle. Great stuff.” –Veronica

“So Dagwood’s dream was to take existing IPs and put a different spin on them? That’s a little too on the nose coming from the writer of a legacy comic.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Can I ask how Marvin’s dad’s office is meant to work, if no-one knows what he does? Let’s say someone has some copy to be edited, or whatever. Do they just sit fuming at their desk wishing they had a copy editor? Is there some elaborate email redirect situation to disguise his identity? A Potemkin editorial office staffed by a scarecrow? Whatever it is, this doesn’t seem compliant with ISO 9001 standards for quality management.” –Schroduck

“‘After decades in your role, we’ve decided to promote you to copy editor’ is in and of itself pretty depressing, until you realize that if he’s not allowed to tell anyone, they’re definitely stiffing him on a raise.” –Dan

“The victim stares in wonder and awe, for the robber is masked. The caped crusader is masked. The cat is masked. The dog alone is not masked. He’s a dog, he doesn’t give a shit, he just likes beating up on cats.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“What’s the deal with the new kid trying to bully us? Why is he not succeeding? I mean we’re obvious dinguses and you just gave a list of reasons why you should be the school’s social pariah just the other day, so this should be like shooting fish in a barrel. What is that dude’s problem?!” –2+2=7

“Glad to see Paul and Abe work with Bob at Bob’s Barf Salon. Maybe they will be able to open up their own barf salons one day.” –KMD

“Blondie can’t fool us. This is a reprint of a strip from 1982 with VHS replaced by YouTube. In another 15 years it’ll be redone again with TikTok or Instagram, to tickle the nostalgia receptors of an as yet undiscovered fanbase.” –ValdVin

“I don’t want Meta forcing us to go through a bizarrely exaggerated series of mouth shapes of the kind animators use to sync mouth motion with speech. But iiiiiiit’s tOOOOOOOOOO layeeeeeeT.” –Peanut Gallery

“I’m really pulling for the end of this story to be that Stellan and Wilma have died like three hundred times from Wilbur’s neglect but up until now Dawn’s been there to replace the dead fish and stop her dad from spiraling into [waves arms] all this.” –Hazard Hostile, on BlueSky

“That horrible moment when you realise the second person on a list of people who need you alive is a fish, and the first was an exaggeration.” –Applemask

“Ever wonder why we have periodic E. coli outbreaks? Ever wonder why veggies are always the culprit? Turns out, there’s a weirdly corporate and possibly supernatural explanation!” –Victor Von

“‘We need to clean his potty chair. Can you go do it?’ I’m not sure where this conversation is taking place but I’m not surprised it’s as far away from Marvin as possible.” –Hibbleton

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Dustin, 6/7/24

“Dustin can’t get a date” is a running bit in Dustin that usually I hate because the strips on this theme inevitably happen with supposed zoomers Dustin and Fitch trying to pick up girls at a fern bar rather than each of them sitting alone in their darkened bedroom swiping through “the apps” with dead eyes. But in the bigger picture, I wonder exactly how deep we’re supposed to think Dustin’s romantic failure goes. Has he ever had a steady relationship? Had sex? Kissed anyone? And, of course, since Dustin is himself a fictional character, we must extend these questions to the creators of the strip itself, because it seems insane to me that in today’s strip this unfortunately young lady already has her hand resting on the crook of Dustin’ elbow. Why would you think someone who has agreed to a date minutes ago under duress would do this? Is this what they think a date is?

Marvin, 6/7/24

Hey, did you just get a promotion at work? Did you ever consider that this is basically the same thing as having to wipe piss and shit off of a plastic chair? Honestly, we talk so much about how gross Marvin is that I think we underrate the fact that it’s also very, very depressing.

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Kevin and Kell, 6/6/24

I know I don’t talk about Kevin and Kell, the comic strip about weird corporate furries, very often, but I can’t look at the wildly fucked up limb situation in panel three and not inflict it on you. How does he hold that phone? How does he walk? It’s troubling.

Mary Worth, 6/6/24

Mary has snapped and decided to end Wilbur’s reign of self-pity with violence. She will force him to love and respect himself, or kill him in the attempt.

Pluggers, 6/6/24

Pluggers exist in a sort of fog, unsure what day it is or where they’re going, and are driven forward only by the vague but unshakeable knowledge that they are in urgent need of medical attention.

Rhymes With Orange, 6/6/24

You ever wonder where the Jolly Green Giant takes a dump? If you guessed “right in the middle of some field, where everyone can see him,” well, congrats, sicko, it turns out you have a lot better handle on giant-shitting lore than I do.