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Slylock Fox, 2/15/21

Here’s my hot take on this supposed “crime”: who gives a shit about a little light fire alarm prankery? Yes, it’s annoying, and theoretically a waste of the fire department’s time, but you know what else is a waste of their time? Taking meticulous notes and pacing around trying to figure out who pulled the fire alarm in the first place, instead of just yelling at everybody and then getting back into the fire truck and taking off! And sure, Walter Weimaraner probably wasn’t actually bowling when the alarm went off, but let’s be honest: a guy hanging around a bowling alley in a double-breasted suit and fancy little boots, conspicuously not bowling, is probably up to no good anyway. Slick Smitty alone can see the truth, even if he needs to lie a bit to open our eyes to it!

Mary Worth, 2/15/21

Sometimes, when you’re feeling overwhelmed, the best incentive to get out of the house is that your house will be full of dog poop if you don’t. Saul and Eve are here to testify!

Dennis the Menace, 2/15/21

Honestly, I’m more concerned about the broken heart of whatever poor soul was supposed to be the recipient of that box of candy. Each scenario I come up with as to how Dennis and Joey got their grubby little hands on it is more menacing than the last!

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Hi and Lois, 2/14/21

Longtime readers of this blog know I’m a big fan of Hi and Lois taking “Thirsty” Thurston back to his roots as a desperate alcoholic, and having the Thurstons’ marriage (strife-filled, loveless) serve as a foil to the Flagstons’ (basically fine, I guess, as near as anyone can tell), which is the theme of today’s special Valentine’s Day strip. The main thing here of interest is that Irma just calls her husband “Thurston”; it kind of works for a wife to sarcastically call her husband who she’s mad at by his last name, but I suspect that some toiler at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC realized they didn’t actually know Thirsty’s real first name, couldn’t find any answers on the strip’s official King Features page or in its Wikipedia article, and found the pressure of adding a canonical element to the strip’s lore too much, so they just punted.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/14/21

Say, what if Snuffy had been dealt a hand full of hearts? That certainly would’ve been a good trigger for remembering it was Valentine’s Day, plus he might have to briefly struggle between demonstrating affection to his wife and winning a hand with a flush! I don’t really have a joke here, I’m just workshopping ways to make this strip better.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 2/14/21

Frankly, I want to know a lot less about Harry Ape’s bank-robbing activities and a lot more about his career as an Instagram influencer — or should I say apefluencer?

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The Lockhorns, 2/13/21

Based on their relatively modest tract home and Leroy’s rail commute and his Jets and Mets fandom, I’ve long assumed that the Lockhorns was an inhabitant of Long Island. However, today’s panel makes me think that perhaps they actually live in the part of New Jersey just across the river from Manhattan, as the Garden State is one of the few that have statewide elections in odd-numbered years; they could also live in New York City itself, which is gearing up for a mayoral campaign this year, although their suburban lifestyle woud only make this likely if they lived on Staten Island or maybe in outermost Queens. Anyway, the best thing going on here is that Loretta has made the mailman stand in the doorway while she assesses her mail in terms of what it means for her marriage, and his numb, resigned facial expression tells us that this is definitely not the first time this has happened.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/13/21

“What do you think the answer to that question is?” is a stereotypical bit of therapist-speak because much of the point of talk therapy is to get the patient to really self-reflect and understand their own mind and emotional state. I feel like when you’re a nutritionist, though, your job is really to just deliver straightforward information about what patients should and shouldn’t do? Just tell him not to eat an entire 1,600 calorie fast food meal in one sitting, lady! That’s what he’s paying you for!