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Crock, 6/9/24

Crock is a strip in perpetual reruns for obvious reasons, and today’s (“today’s”) strip is a delightful puzzle to try to figure out when exactly it was published. Honestly the list presented of things we’d all prefer to be shot to avoid is a testament to the long human lifespan, littered as it is with complaints both contemporary (Facebook) and outdated (boomboxes). If I had to guess, I’d peg this around 2009 or so, as social media started becoming unavoidable, the financial crisis had cratered many people’s IRAs, and health care and global warming were both issues the new presidential administration seemed poised to tackle. Old age, of course, will never go away as an object of fear and driver of those who would seek a more exciting death, but honestly trying to map all this out has only made it seem closer for me.

Six Chix, 6/9/24

OK, look, I know enough about modern mating rituals to know they happen on the apps, but as a happily monogamous married person, I don’t know much more than that. Do people use … hashtags, on the apps? Hashtags, the thing famously developed to make it easier to search on specific terms? Are people on the apps out there searching on “#annielikestocuddle”? People who want to cuddle, with other people named Annie, specifically?

Shoe, 6/9/24

Honestly rude of the Perfesser to blame the slovenly state of his home on his barely tolerated nephew/ward, when it’s quite clear that the mess is mostly his own doing. Very sad that, by design, the poor boy will keep getting the message that he’s an unwanted imposition right down to his uncle’s final moments.

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Dennis the Menace, 6/8/24

“Dennis shit-talks his mother’s cooking” isn’t my favorite trope in this strip, but I feel you at least have to respect the form: he should either be poking sullenly at his food, glowering at everyone, absolutely ruining the energy of the family meal, or he should be making some witty quip that emotionally devastates Alice while Henry barely conceals a smirk. But while the dialogue here works, the art is all off: Dennis looks extremely pleased by the high-nutrition meal that’s been prepared for him, and his parents are all smiles. This frankly is so un-menacing that it loops all the way around to menacing again because it’s so deeply uncanny.

Judge Parker, 6/8/24

OK, since I’m embracing being a cranky old man who hates change, I’m just going to say it: “eloping” is supposed to mean that you sneak off and get married without telling any of your friends and family, often without even being formally engaged first. But more and more people are just using it to mean “We’re going have a small wedding, actually, even though we told some people we were planning to have a big one at some point in the future,” and I hate it! The secrecy is the point! You don’t just wander in and announce it while your fiancee is in the middle of a Zoom call with her mother!

Blondie, 6/8/24

YES IT CERTAINLY IS ANNOYING WHEN A CHILD SHOWS UP AT YOUR HOUSE AND EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE DOING OTHER STUFF YOU’RE EXPECTED TO PAY ATTENTION TO THEM

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This week’s top comment? It’s right here and right now:

“I hope the duck cop in this town realizes how more effective superhero cosplayers are than Sherlock Holmes cosplayers when it comes to stopping crime. Not everything has to be a damn riddle.” –Flipper

And your runners up? Also funny, and hot ready for you!

“Wilbur, maybe you should try a new dating site … Have you heard of Plenty of Fish? Aw, no, stop weeping … it was too soon, I can see that now. How about Christian Mingle? You’d just have to avoid their logo … Okay, okay, I’m out. I’ll be back with some muffins, just take a shower or something. This place smells like a fish died in it, and I don’t think that’s even the reason why!” –BigTed

“Very good that the punchline(?) is that Dagwood’s son clearly got bored and left the couch after the first one of these and just left his father to sink into his standard depressive huddle. Great stuff.” –Veronica

“So Dagwood’s dream was to take existing IPs and put a different spin on them? That’s a little too on the nose coming from the writer of a legacy comic.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Can I ask how Marvin’s dad’s office is meant to work, if no-one knows what he does? Let’s say someone has some copy to be edited, or whatever. Do they just sit fuming at their desk wishing they had a copy editor? Is there some elaborate email redirect situation to disguise his identity? A Potemkin editorial office staffed by a scarecrow? Whatever it is, this doesn’t seem compliant with ISO 9001 standards for quality management.” –Schroduck

“‘After decades in your role, we’ve decided to promote you to copy editor’ is in and of itself pretty depressing, until you realize that if he’s not allowed to tell anyone, they’re definitely stiffing him on a raise.” –Dan

“The victim stares in wonder and awe, for the robber is masked. The caped crusader is masked. The cat is masked. The dog alone is not masked. He’s a dog, he doesn’t give a shit, he just likes beating up on cats.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“What’s the deal with the new kid trying to bully us? Why is he not succeeding? I mean we’re obvious dinguses and you just gave a list of reasons why you should be the school’s social pariah just the other day, so this should be like shooting fish in a barrel. What is that dude’s problem?!” –2+2=7

“Glad to see Paul and Abe work with Bob at Bob’s Barf Salon. Maybe they will be able to open up their own barf salons one day.” –KMD

“Blondie can’t fool us. This is a reprint of a strip from 1982 with VHS replaced by YouTube. In another 15 years it’ll be redone again with TikTok or Instagram, to tickle the nostalgia receptors of an as yet undiscovered fanbase.” –ValdVin

“I don’t want Meta forcing us to go through a bizarrely exaggerated series of mouth shapes of the kind animators use to sync mouth motion with speech. But iiiiiiit’s tOOOOOOOOOO layeeeeeeT.” –Peanut Gallery

“I’m really pulling for the end of this story to be that Stellan and Wilma have died like three hundred times from Wilbur’s neglect but up until now Dawn’s been there to replace the dead fish and stop her dad from spiraling into [waves arms] all this.” –Hazard Hostile, on BlueSky

“That horrible moment when you realise the second person on a list of people who need you alive is a fish, and the first was an exaggeration.” –Applemask

“Ever wonder why we have periodic E. coli outbreaks? Ever wonder why veggies are always the culprit? Turns out, there’s a weirdly corporate and possibly supernatural explanation!” –Victor Von

“‘We need to clean his potty chair. Can you go do it?’ I’m not sure where this conversation is taking place but I’m not surprised it’s as far away from Marvin as possible.” –Hibbleton

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