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Crankshaft, 3/12/20

QUICK RECAP ON WHAT’S UP IN CRANKSHAFT: Hannah did indeed end up giving birth in the Valentine when everyone was snowed in, and Crankshaft had apparently had to help someone give birth in a previous storyline years ago so he’s basically a midwife now, and he did it again and everyone is fine except Crankshaft then horribly threw out his back while shoveling them out of the theater. Anyway, as I’ve discussed previously, the orthographic conventions of Peanuts are burned very deeply into my brain, and I strongly associate “AUUUUUUUGH!!” with spiritual anguish, like Charlie Brown losing yet another baseball game, but I will also accept it as a signifier of intense physical pain, especially if that pain is afflicting Ed Crankshaft, one of the least likable protagonists in the comics pages, which is really saying something.

Mary Worth, 3/12/20

Jesus Christ Mary, will you stop relentlessly monitoring Dawn’s sexuality? God, she obliquely confesses just once that she’s thinking about sleeping with a married man and now you won’t get off her back. Let her live, Mary, let her live!

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Mark Trail, 3/11/20

Wow, some wild swings in tone happening here as the Mark Trail art, formerly wooden and repetitive, becomes mysteriously and surreally fluid. One of the gang of anti-orphan bullies suddenly becomes very intent on Rusty joining his clique, eyes bugging out derangedly as he makes his pitch. But as Rusty’s sly expression in panel three indicates, he would rather rule in hell than serve in heaven, by which I mean he’d rather be in a position of strength, hanging out with his dad and the world’s saddest orphan, than being at the bottom of the pecking order among the cool kids. Finally, Rusty will have his own Rusty!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/11/20

Oh my god, check it out, June is trying to get Tildy to slow down and think through her impulsive decision to move out of the Morgans’ house and shack up with her ex who she hasn’t seen in decades, and Rex is trying to physically restrain her. “Don’t you dare, June! Her bags are packed! Her bags are already packed, we’re so close!”

Gasoline Alley, 3/11/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because, like most service industry workers, Baleen doesn’t have any paid sick leave, so she has to choose between working while injured or infectious and financial ruin!

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Daddy Daze, 3/10/20

Ah, yes, what you’ve all been wondering about the Daddy Daze Daddy ever since I started covering this strip: since he lives in a weird insular world inhabited by only him and a preverbal infant onto whom he projects various insane motivations, what does he do when his ex-wife, with whom he shares custody, has the baby? Well, apparently he goes down to his local coffee shop and mopes with a local goth (?) who he’s friends with, or maybe it’s just some guy he sat down next to and started talking to, who can tell, really.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/10/20

“Could she be making a hasty choice that she’ll come to regret? That’s very possible, but I can’t emphasize enough that once she walks out the door, that will be very, very much cease to be my problem.”

Family Circus, 3/10/20

Hey, remember last week when Billy realized that his mom might capable of inspiring erotic thoughts? Weird how he’s been spending this week imagining various over-the-top ways his father could die. Probably a coincidence!

Judge Parker, 3/10/20

Oh God, has Toni become a blogger? Who knew she could stoop so low?