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Mary Worth, 10/10/19

OK, uh, Mary, remember how Wilbur just like, what, six months ago in strip time completely lost his mind in a jealous rage over his ex? His ex who he had dumped for his scam girlfriend (wait: have Wilbur and Estelle talked about their history of being scam victims yet????) and then became enraged when it turned out she had moved on? I’m not sure if Mary genuinely thinks those are just “endaring quirks” or if in fact is losing her interest in interfering in Estelle and Wilbur’s lives. It’s like she knows they aren’t right together but just wants them safely paired off so she can stop worrying about them. And that has me worried about Mary. When she’s lost her zest for meddling, that means something’s seriously wrong and she needs to be evaluated for depression or worse.

Mark Trail, 10/10/19

Oh, snap, it looks like our heroes were spending so much time making sure they weren’t attacked by fake, made-up animals that they forgot to guard against endangered but still very real animals! Thank goodness the Cryptozoology Department at whatever college gave Dr. Camel tenure picked up the tab for rental car insurance this time around, because otherwise Woods and Wildlife reporters on assignment would be taking a lot of Lyft rides in the future.

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/9/19

“Anyway, now that he’s dead, I feel more free to tell everyone what an asshole he was. That’s how this works, right?”

Family Circus, 10/9/19

MOMMY [with one leg out the window, under her breath with her eyes closed in frustration]: damn it damn it damn it damn it

Pluggers, 10/9/19

WOW SOUNDS LIKE PLUGGERS CAN’T DEAL WITH THE OVERWHELMING SET OF CONSUMER CHOICES GENERATED BY CONTEMPORARY CAPITALISM

WHY DON’T YOU GO BACK TO SOVIET RUSSIA AND WAIT IN LINE FOR SOME UNFLAVORED ICE MILK, YOU WEIRD OLD DOG-MAN

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/8/19

Hello, major media brands! Are you looking to increase awareness of your properties among hard-to-reach demographics, like shut-ins and the elderly? Consider in-story messaging within the King Features line of trusted continuity strips! We’ve already laid the groundwork by having Wilbur Weston, the comics’ most unappealing character, inform readers that streaming media services exist. And for a surprisingly reasonably partnership fee, mildly beloved Rex Morgan, M.D., character Mindy could actually say the name of your show while she remains immobile in bed for the next several weeks, rather than just hinting at its plot! Be sure to act now to accommodate comics publishing’s 12-18 week lead time so that your property gets name-checked just in time for it to “drop” (as the kids say) on streaming!

Mutts, 9/8/19

I know I almost never talk about Mutts on this site, but when the adorable lisping animals suddenly start contemplating the total genocide of the human race? As a human who doesn’t want to be genocided, that’s when I sit up and take notice.

The Phantom, 9/8/19

The Ghost-Who-Walks has kept the Deep Woods under his protection for hundreds of years! But can he defend against the newest, most deadly threat yet: gentrification?

Six Chix, 9/8/19

The world is burning, life is madness … should Six Chix get into piss stuff? Sure. Why not. Lol nothing matters!