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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/5/20

Well, it seems that Tildy has consented to meet up with her cheating ex-husband, and having assessed his financial health, she’s now giving his physical fitness a once-over as well. Is there anything more arousing you can hear from a former lover than a grudgingly approving assessment of your “ol’ bod”? Anyway, these two should be all over each other momentarily, which is good news for freeing up Rex and June’s spare bedroom in the long run if not for the next half hour or so, and isn’t that what’s really important here?

Mary Worth, 3/5/20

“Naked yoga!” says Dawn. “I didn’t even know that was a thing! Sounds, uh, embarrassing, and corny, and definitely not intriguing at all,” she continues, eyes as wide as dinner plates, trying hard to figure how much time she needs to let elapse before she can politely excuse herself and text her former professor/”just friend” Harlan with a cool new idea for their next private yoga session.

Family Circus, 3/5/20

Holy shit Billy why on earth would you say this

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Mark Trail, 3/4/20

Oh, huh, it turns out that Rusty hasn’t been kept away from the Forest Explorers for their protection, but for his, because they’re “bad kids” who are being taught a lesson by taking them out into nature and “get[ting] them involved.” Involved … in … something? Forest crimes, maybe? Is Geoff a modern-day Fagin, running a gang of backwoods child criminals? If so, we have to wonder if Rusty will narc them out to Mark or if, his mind and morals softened up by the cyberbullying filth of the comics pages, he decides to join them in their sinister schemes.

Marvin, 3/4/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because Jeff finds his own son unbearable, and now uses the child’s worst qualities as tools of revenge on a world he despises!

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Blondie, 3/3/20

So … if I’m understanding all the motion lines and stuff correctly, Herb is driving his car at full speed in reverse up the street, and everyone in the carpool is watching Dagwood run as fast as he can towards them, seemingly unable to stop despite the look of justified dread on his face? “It’s like our own Dag reality show!” says Herb, right before the rear bumper slams into Dagwood and shatters his pelvis.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/3/20

Shoutout to Funky Winkerbean for including a panel of an utterly dead-eyed janitor pushing his broom up the hallway as Harry natters on about squirrels. Apparently the “joke” of the strip, which is about how much of a squirrel’s frenetic survival-related activity ultimately goes for naught, wasn’t grim enough, so we needed to be reminded that someone in close proximity to our characters was well and truly miserable.

Mary Worth, 3/3/20

Jared Jared no you are being way too enthusiastic about this