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The Lockhorns, 8/7/19

I gotta say, I kind of respect the way today’s Lockhorns is bleak and depressing in a somewhat different register from the typical bleak and depressing scenarios it dishes out. Loretta stares heavy-lidded at the formless, off-yellow square she’s been knitting seemingly forever now. What is it? Why is she doing it? Does she have any goal in mind? Does she derive any pleasure from it, or conversely, would it make her even sadder to stop? None of these are questions she has answers for. She’s just knitting to pass the time. Leroy, crumple-mouthed, has a brief and unaccustomed flash of sympathy for his wife. He’d like to help soothe whatever formless emotion compels Loretta to keep knitting, but he knows that the emotional gulf between them is far too vast, now, and has been for years.

Mary Worth, 8/7/19

So far the Dawn-Hugo storyline has been relatively free from conflict, except for the fact that Hugo is kind of an asshole. Now we see the real engine for the summer’s drama unfolding: Hugo is eventually going to have to … go back to France! You know, if Hugo’s return to his homeland corresponds the point in the relationship where his assholitude starts to outweigh his hotness, these are two conflicts that could really cancel each other out and save everyone involved a whole lot of trouble.

Judge Parker, 8/7/19

Honestly, this would be a much more dramatic development if it were remotely possible to tell the icy, violent blondes of Judge Parker apart. That’s … not April, right? Probably Sam would recognize her, if she were April?

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Mark Trail, 8/6/19

“Also, what if your gun had one off on purpose? You know, if, while you were pointing your gun at us with your finger on the trigger and threatening to murder us if we didn’t follow your commands, you had deliberately shot us with the gun, like you said you would. That also would’ve been a terrible tragedy! Anyway, I guess we’re all going to walk through the desert together over the next few days and then get into your car, so I want you to reflect on all the ways doing things that would have been beneficial to you would have also been bad for us.”

Family Circus, 8/6/19

I’m not usually one to praise the Family Circus art, but seeing Big Daddy Keane’s whole body spasming in shock and surprise as a bucketful of ice-cold water cascades over his back, his glasses flying off his face, warmed my black, withered heart this morning. I’m a particular fan of PJ’s expression, which basically seems to be saying “Phase one of the experiment has yielded interesting results; let’s move on to phase two, shall we?”

Pluggers, 8/6/19

“Pluggers and their friends are all dying” is a perennial and beloved running gag in this strip, but you have to respect today’s take on it: if a plugger lives long enough, not only will all his friends die, but he’ll get to see all the cultural touchstones that tethered him to a wider society die off as well, only to be replaced by strange and alienating newcomers!

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Gil Thorp, 8/5/19

“Here’s what I’m thinking, Mr. Ballard. Why don’t you stop thinking of your job as determining the best and fairest set of rules for your school district and then making sure everyone follows those rules regardless of their status, and instead realizing what it really is: a means to grease the skids for people with enough power and influence to make life unpleasant for you if you don’t let them do what they want? Don’t worry, you won’t have to actually let anyone else bend the rules like this in the future, unless they also have a friend who’s a bored high-powered lawyer. Just do this one thing this one time and all your problems go away, probably!”

Hi and Lois, 8/5/19

Ha ha, it’s funny because Trixie views her place in the Flagston household as perpetually contingent, and worries she could be thrown in the trash at any time! Her parents do just ignore her for hours out of the day while she crawls around the house unsupervised, which might have something to do with it.

Dick Tracy, 8/5/19

Theater people??? Doing drugs???? UNHEARD OF