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Mark Trail, 8/6/19

“Also, what if your gun had one off on purpose? You know, if, while you were pointing your gun at us with your finger on the trigger and threatening to murder us if we didn’t follow your commands, you had deliberately shot us with the gun, like you said you would. That also would’ve been a terrible tragedy! Anyway, I guess we’re all going to walk through the desert together over the next few days and then get into your car, so I want you to reflect on all the ways doing things that would have been beneficial to you would have also been bad for us.”

Family Circus, 8/6/19

I’m not usually one to praise the Family Circus art, but seeing Big Daddy Keane’s whole body spasming in shock and surprise as a bucketful of ice-cold water cascades over his back, his glasses flying off his face, warmed my black, withered heart this morning. I’m a particular fan of PJ’s expression, which basically seems to be saying “Phase one of the experiment has yielded interesting results; let’s move on to phase two, shall we?”

Pluggers, 8/6/19

“Pluggers and their friends are all dying” is a perennial and beloved running gag in this strip, but you have to respect today’s take on it: if a plugger lives long enough, not only will all his friends die, but he’ll get to see all the cultural touchstones that tethered him to a wider society die off as well, only to be replaced by strange and alienating newcomers!

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Gil Thorp, 8/5/19

“Here’s what I’m thinking, Mr. Ballard. Why don’t you stop thinking of your job as determining the best and fairest set of rules for your school district and then making sure everyone follows those rules regardless of their status, and instead realizing what it really is: a means to grease the skids for people with enough power and influence to make life unpleasant for you if you don’t let them do what they want? Don’t worry, you won’t have to actually let anyone else bend the rules like this in the future, unless they also have a friend who’s a bored high-powered lawyer. Just do this one thing this one time and all your problems go away, probably!”

Hi and Lois, 8/5/19

Ha ha, it’s funny because Trixie views her place in the Flagston household as perpetually contingent, and worries she could be thrown in the trash at any time! Her parents do just ignore her for hours out of the day while she crawls around the house unsupervised, which might have something to do with it.

Dick Tracy, 8/5/19

Theater people??? Doing drugs???? UNHEARD OF

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Panel from The Lockhorns, 8/4/19

Since Leroy and Loretta have apparently been condemned to some hell-dimension where they’ll torture each other for all eternity, it’s not surprising that the sick burns they’ll lay on each other will eventually start getting increasingly baroque, and I’m here for it. Hyperinflation-based insults? Sure! “That’s the the b.-pengő note of suits,” Loretta says, looking Leroy up and down with contempt.

Mary Worth, 8/4/19

Wait, hold up! What form of water will Dawn be showing her skills off in next? A river? A lake? One of those infinity pool things? An underground sewer? Hugo hasn’t seen noting yet — but he’s never going to find out what’s in store for him if he keeps wasting time with all these makeouts!

Funky Winkerbean, 8/4/19

The title character, seeking medical care for his aging and decaying body, lets loose a sci-fi pop culture quip with no apparent context (is the chair he’s sitting in … supposed to be like Captain Kirk’s chair? is this cramped, crowded office supposed to be like the Enterprise’s bridge?) while ostensibly smiling but in a really angry-looking, aggressive way, basically daring anyone to question him; his interlocutor, stands staring dumbly at him looking crushed by the overall weight of life and his disappointment in it. I believe we’ve finally created the perfect Funky Winkerbean.