Post Content

Judge Parker, 8/8/19

Ooh, it looks like Judge Parker is dipping deep into its lore for this latest plot twist! Who is it just off-panel addressing Sam as “Samuel” so unctuously? Is it Rocky Ledge, Godiva’s on-again, off-again husband and Europa Aerospace’s CEO, who used to be an aw-shucks country music star (in addition to being the CEO of an aerospace company/green power colossos) but maybe is evil now? Is it Avery the Hollywood agent, who Sam accidentally helped become a drug lord? Is it … just April’s dad Norton, again? It’s probably Norton, isn’t it.

Dick Tracy, 8/8/19

God, look how angrily Dick is pursing his lips in panel three. “Yes, while the temptation is almost overwhelming to simply arrest the person adjacent to this crime whose family has criminals in it and throw them in jail forever without trial on account of their tainted blood, I suppose we must find … or perhaps manufacture … proof, because of the liberal Supreme Court’s meddling.”

The Phantom, 8/8/19

I know I haven’t really been keeping you up to date on the weekday Phantom, so, real quick: in his quest to rescue Imara Sahara, wife of the Nomad (the Phantom’s archnemesis!) and mother of Kadia (the Phantom’s daughter’s best friend!) from the Nomad’s seaside villa/heavily guarded terrorist compound, our hero has had to stay one step ahead of both American drone strikes and various Nomad henchmen trying to ensure his wife never escapes to spill her guts about his operations. Anyway, I particularly approve of the Ghost Who Walks’ technique to keep her calm during this ordeal: distract her with Wikipedia facts about the country where her daughter is staying. “Mawitaan is the third largest city in sub-Saharan Africa! It’s the center of a major sheep-herding region and sits atop valuable copper deposits!”

Funky Winkerbean, 8/8/19

In addition to being a very bad English teacher, Les is also the advisor to the school newspaper. Today we’re learning that many of the kids who work for the school newspaper are unfamiliar with the vocabulary of journalism, and this is … proof that young people are dumb and bad, and not an indictment of the man who’s supposed to be teaching them about journalism, somehow?

Post Content

The Lockhorns, 8/7/19

I gotta say, I kind of respect the way today’s Lockhorns is bleak and depressing in a somewhat different register from the typical bleak and depressing scenarios it dishes out. Loretta stares heavy-lidded at the formless, off-yellow square she’s been knitting seemingly forever now. What is it? Why is she doing it? Does she have any goal in mind? Does she derive any pleasure from it, or conversely, would it make her even sadder to stop? None of these are questions she has answers for. She’s just knitting to pass the time. Leroy, crumple-mouthed, has a brief and unaccustomed flash of sympathy for his wife. He’d like to help soothe whatever formless emotion compels Loretta to keep knitting, but he knows that the emotional gulf between them is far too vast, now, and has been for years.

Mary Worth, 8/7/19

So far the Dawn-Hugo storyline has been relatively free from conflict, except for the fact that Hugo is kind of an asshole. Now we see the real engine for the summer’s drama unfolding: Hugo is eventually going to have to … go back to France! You know, if Hugo’s return to his homeland corresponds the point in the relationship where his assholitude starts to outweigh his hotness, these are two conflicts that could really cancel each other out and save everyone involved a whole lot of trouble.

Judge Parker, 8/7/19

Honestly, this would be a much more dramatic development if it were remotely possible to tell the icy, violent blondes of Judge Parker apart. That’s … not April, right? Probably Sam would recognize her, if she were April?

Post Content

Mark Trail, 8/6/19

“Also, what if your gun had one off on purpose? You know, if, while you were pointing your gun at us with your finger on the trigger and threatening to murder us if we didn’t follow your commands, you had deliberately shot us with the gun, like you said you would. That also would’ve been a terrible tragedy! Anyway, I guess we’re all going to walk through the desert together over the next few days and then get into your car, so I want you to reflect on all the ways doing things that would have been beneficial to you would have also been bad for us.”

Family Circus, 8/6/19

I’m not usually one to praise the Family Circus art, but seeing Big Daddy Keane’s whole body spasming in shock and surprise as a bucketful of ice-cold water cascades over his back, his glasses flying off his face, warmed my black, withered heart this morning. I’m a particular fan of PJ’s expression, which basically seems to be saying “Phase one of the experiment has yielded interesting results; let’s move on to phase two, shall we?”

Pluggers, 8/6/19

“Pluggers and their friends are all dying” is a perennial and beloved running gag in this strip, but you have to respect today’s take on it: if a plugger lives long enough, not only will all his friends die, but he’ll get to see all the cultural touchstones that tethered him to a wider society die off as well, only to be replaced by strange and alienating newcomers!