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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/23/19

I know we all complain about how generally dull Rex Morgan has been since Woody Wilson retired as writer, but have we considered that maybe this is all at Rex’s request? Like, you try dealing with stripper subletters and MRSA epidemics and funeral brawls and helping your nanny defraud her stepson out of his inheritance, twice. You’d probably want a few years of low-stakes medical practice too! But hopefully for our sakes things are going to pick back up with a case of poisoning, or at least maybe factitious disorder, and a patient capable of producing a pissyface worth of Rex himself.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 6/23/19

Ha ha, check out the answer to this “mystery”: Slylock knows that no Great White shark could survive in a cage for three days, but he and Max still swam away, because they “didn’t want to take chances.” What’s the matter, Slylock? Not willing to stake your life on your endless supply of nature facts? Do you lack the courage of your convictions? I guess Weirdly is safe in his undersea hideout, with his probably but not definitely fake shark, to plot against us!

Pluggers, 6/23/19

I guess if you had asked me “Hey Josh, you wanna see a dead plugger,” I would’ve said “Sure, absolutely,” but it turns out that stumbling across the actual depiction of a plugger corpse in the funny pages actually unnerved and upset me. Sorry, everyone! I don’t want to see the dead body of some folksy animal-human hybrid abomination given the trappings of a decent funeral! Keep this business out of the paper, in my opinion!

Funky Winkerbean, 6/23/19

I’m no Ken Burns, but I would definitely start my Butter Brinkel research into finding out how Brinkel managed to make a career out of blatantly ripping off Buster Keaton.

Panel from Dennis the Menace, 6/23/19

The actual punchline was about video games or something, but I firmly believe that the absolute funniest image the comics will have to offer for 2019 will be a furious Mr. Wilson, having just been alerted by some article in the paper to the existence of people born after 1982, barking “Martha! You ever heard of these millennials?” at his wife while she brings him the cocktail that will hopefully spur his typical three-hour afternoon nap, when she can finally get some peace and quiet.

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Beetle Bailey, 6/22/19

Maybe I’m getting old and my brain is turning to pudding or whatever, but I genuinely enjoyed today’s Beetle Bailey! Mostly I like the contrast between Sarge and Otto’s faces. What exactly went down at this dog show? What did Otto think would go down? The phrase “Sarge took Otto to the dog show” doesn’t make it sound like Otto was formally entered in the competition, but perhaps Otto secretly hoped that he would be spotted in the stands by one of the judges, who would say “Who’s that? Why, it’s a dog in an army uniform! What a good boy! What a very good boy, indeed!” Instead a truly zany series of events occurred that left Otto furious and Sarge confused and a little sad.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/22/19

Wow, there’s a lot going on here when it comes to perceptions of the powers, purpose, and very nature of political authority. In the first panel, Snuffy bluntly demands that Sheriff Tait use his monopoly on legitimate violence in the Holler to expel outsiders: to our hillbilly, the demos to which the sheriff answers has the absolute right to control access to local territory and resources in favor of natives if competition for those resources gets too intense. The sheriff’s initial response might at first seem to indicate his loyalty to a code of abstract law — the outsiders have a right to be there, and nothing can be done unless they’ve actually committed a crime. But then, we see the cash in his hand and we learn the truth: Tait doesn’t truck with either modern legalism or traditional community-based exercises of power. He just sees the law and the state as a vehicle for his personal enrichment. Snuffy can’t help but be impressed.

Mark Trail, 6/22/19

Good news, everyone! Mark, Leola, and Doc are close to the mine! I guess they don’t need to find JJ and pull the map out from under his waterlogged corpse after all, and can just let the desert scavengers do their thing uninterrupted.

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Good morning, folks! Let’s greet the day with this comment of the week:

“You’re a plugger if you don’t know the name of a technology that is so ubiquitous that there are jokes about it in Pluggers.” –matt w

These runners up are also very funny!

“I defended myself by planking, as the Officer’s Manual instructs.” –Thomas Keith, on Facebook

“So I Googled ‘do frogs care for their young’ to determine if today’s Six Chix had any basis in reality (as one does), and found out that not only is the answer ‘in some cases, yes’ but the highlighted response focused on the strawberry poison frog, where not only does the father care for the eggs, he ‘pees on them to make sure they don’t lose their moisture.’ Fortunately Six Chix was unaware of that particular tidbit, which is really more the provenance of Mark Trail, or Marvin.” –TheDiva

“Sarge is being sincere, and his eyes are closed as he envisions the pitch. ‘Okay, so, you know in The Little Mermaid< ?i> when the fish broad saves the guy? Okay now what if instead of a mermaid, it’s a bear! It’s The Little Mermaid meets The Revenant. You smell that? That’s money you’re smelling!’” –Jenna

“To be fair, JJ and Leola are only making guest appearances, so it’s not in their contracts that they have to do homage to Barney Google. They get the day off.” –Myrtle

“Why are they thanking us? Did we somehow cause their continuation, or rather, fail to cause their cancellation? Are we all culpable?!” –JJ48

“The Six Chix cartoon just emphasizes how lost and alone Barney Google is. Were Barney a modern, his ‘Spark Plug’ might well be a self-driving electric car. But he’s not. Snuffy has been left behind by time but he still has all the rest of Hootin’ Holler that’s been left behind with him. But Barney is a city boy, a city boy from a city that no longer exists. He doesn’t belong in Hootin’ Holler and he doesn’t belong in the modern world. Even the Steampunk fad that might have allowed him to pass for an obsessive cosplayer is fading. As long as the strip exists he is doomed to lonely wandering. End his misery, please.” –Curtis Adams

“Ah yes, I too have friends, like my wife Cherry! And I like to greet her as well, I say things, ‘Hello, my wife Cherry!’ or ‘Happy birthday, my wife Cherry!’ [nods very comfortably] I understand friendship.” –Dan

“Jeff: ‘It will be good to catch up!’ Mary: ‘I have some news about Wilbur…’ Jeff: ‘I stand corrected.’” –nescio

“Remember when I had a cat, you found it too irritating, I had to get rid of it and Estelle took care of my unwanted liability? I have some news about Wilbur.” –Ettorre

“News about Wilbur? Hold the phone! …No really. Hold it. Like a normal person.” –grsblvnyk

“Don’t flatter yourself, Beetle. I’ve been annoyed with this strip for as long as I can remember.” –Peanut Gallery

“Silverdaters seems an odd choice of site for Wilbur, who’s never seemed quite that old. Perhaps he thought ‘silver’ referred not to the age bracket of its members, but rather was a general indicator of their quality. ‘I don’t deserve Golddaters,’ he thought, ‘but Silverdaters seems suitably low self-esteem.’” –Truckosaurus

“Actually, maybe leering-head guy was ogling Beetle. That’s always been his fantasy — a soldier-boy, who wears his Army hat to the beach! He left in disgust, though, once he saw those swim trunks.” –seismic-2

“From the art, it looks less like Beetle and Buxley switched places, and more like they were absorbed into each other, a sickening sound as flesh ate flesh and spat it out the other side. The thankfully missing middle panel would have shown the melded BeetleBuxley (BeeBux?) as parts writhed and passed to the other side. The third panel shows the transmogrification (as as side note, good job Chrome for recognizing the word ‘transmogrification’) nearly, but not quite, complete. An almost-Beetle addresses the audience, while a proto-Buxley continues to bud from his side. Well done bit of modern body horror for such an old strip.” –Voshkod

“Sure, Wilbur’s into sports… water sports, probably. Of course, Mary and Jeff also seem to be into water sports, but a totally different kind. Speedboating, that is. Possibly followed by motorboating? This story has gotten so long and boring that the characters would need a wide variety of kinks just to keep things lively.” –BigTed

“Horny and desperate are common interests, right?” –ZeroWolf

“‘Sports Nut‘ Wilbur, who hasn’t expressed interest in or knowledge of athletic competitions one single time since he gave up his sports writing job to pretend to be a woman for higher pay. ‘Crazy Catlady’ Estelle, who has zero interest in anything to do with cats other than taking care of the one that was recently forced into her hands as a favor for a neighbor. ‘Balanced Hobbyist’ Mary, who has compulsively baked 15 dozen muffins every single day for the last year and a half.” –jroggs

“Wilbur sure seems to get a lot of interest from the janes, if by ‘a lot,’ you mean ‘two,’ and by ‘interest’ you mean a sexless sham of a relationship.” –Sandy McGuire, on Facebook

“Sorry. With our crippling student loan debt, combined with skyrocketing rents, our only possessions are this chair and this broom. Banging on the ceiling is our only form of entertainment.” –GeoGreg

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