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Mary Worth, 5/12/19

Oh, man, check out that look of implacable determination on Mary’s face in the final panel. How dare someone break the heart of what’s-her-name, the lady who took Mary’s cat off her hands? “Arthur” will be reported, do you understand? He’ll be reported if Mary has to report him herself. And if the people she reports him to don’t take her seriously … well, then, she’s just going to have to ask to speak to their manager. Mary will stop at nothing.

The Phantom, 5/12/19

“They claimed to do these crimes to honor history!? A disgraceful argument, O Ghost Who Walks!”

“Ha-ha! I think they believed it, Guran. The criminal mind sets out to deceive others, but can be even more adept at deceiving itself! Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll head down to my treasure chambers, where my family has hoarded dozens of priceless historic artifacts that we’ve definitely acquired legitimately!”

Blondie, 5/12/19

It’s not clear what Blondie hates more: her family’s cooking, or foreigners.

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Dick Tracy, 5/11/19

Oh hey, turns out I got bored with Dick Tracy’ Minit Mystery when it suddenly became be less about municipal politics and more about a leftist radical cop killer for hire (?) who killed a lady cop and that led to the local police apparatus violently cracking down on all local organized crime in civil rights violating ways, but now it turns out that, oops, the real cop killer was the lady cop’s husband! “Oops,” says Dick, “I was so obsessed with gangsters that I forgot that 55 percent of women in the U.S. are killed by intimate partners, which you’d think would be a stat at the top of your mind if you’re a person who solves murders for a living. Anyway, sorry about all the organized crime prosecutions we screwed up, by arresting a bunch of gangsters without warrants for no good reason.”

Gil Thorp, 5/11/19

Oh, hey, turns out that once the softball team got super into having interests outside of school, everyone wanted to get in on the “having outside interests” action, which they dubbed as “being too cool for school,” for some reason. Anyway, today’s the day when this relatively harmless trend pivots to becoming the ideological core of a revolutionary vanguard party!

Mark Trail, 5/11/19

Oh, hey, turns out that buzzing sound in Mark Trail was, as I predicted, bees. Bees, everyone! Ha ha, Mark is running away from a bunch of bees!

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Hello everyone! A quick technical note: Last night I changed webhosting companies, moving my site to a server hosted by Digital Ocean. This all seemed to go very smoothly from my end, but if you are noticing any technical quirks on the site, please let me know via email (jfruh@jfruh.com). Thanks!

And now it is time, as it is every Friday, for your comment of the week!

“Look at the way those kids are dressed; Merlin didn’t just magic them up out of nothing, he abducted them from the modern era! And, in exchange for fifty families being thrown into endless mourning where they’ll never even get the closure of finding a body, those kids aren’t even going to be Hamlet’s ‘friends’ for long. Remembering how the unfortunate kid with bad BO was treated back when I was in middle school they are quickly going to turn on a boy who only bathes once a week.” –Cass

And your runners up! It is time for them as well!

“I shall sleep, which is a normal human behavior, as I am a normal human, and definitely not an android of some sort! …Initiate Trailbot Hibernation Subroutine” –Thomas Keith, on Facebook

Pluggers characters have names? This changes everything. And not for the better.” –Lee Sherman

“Doc’s on this trip because it was his idea and his map. JJ’s along for the ride because of his intimate knowledge of the area. Mark’s there to avoid having to sleep with Cherry. But can someone remind me why they let Leola come? I thought she was supposed to be the guide, but so far the only thing she’s led anyone to is an outdoorsman store. I know Mark and Doc are pretty rustic, but I think even they could manage a Google search.” –jroggs

“You know, for a guy who supposedly loves nature, Mark Trail sure prefers jammering away about contour lines on maps to watching the cool animal stuff that’s invariably happening like 10 feet away from him.” –Schroduck

The strained cleverness! The self-congratulations! The soggy goo they’re supposed to put in their mouths! Mason Jarre would find this all revolting if he weren’t using every molecule of his being to hold it together and not let on that he’s tripping balls.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I like to think today’s Dustin represents the sort of non sequitur the family is used to from their idiot son. Today it was ‘I should get a smaller checkbook,’ but it may as well have been ‘I like dogs’ or ‘Fish don’t have wings, except for flying fish, which I guess are birds.’” –Voshkod

“Oh, it’s the reader! He’s fallen asleep again! Heh … I see Doc’s already taking advantage of his chance to finally take a leak. Speaking of which.” –Old Man Muffaroo

“Pull back for a wide shot, and you’ll see that the house is abandoned. Mommy and the others are on vacation in Carlsbad Caverns right now, and they neglected to bring Jeffy. It’s like Home Alone except that the parents never realize their offspring is missing.” –Joe Blevins

“Radio silence? Estelle has been trying to contact Arther on her short-wave radio? Meanwhile, Arther sits by his cell phone, heartbroken, and says to his one-eyed, two-legged dog, Lucky, ‘Nothing but phone silence.’” –LXIX

“He said he would break up with me if I didn’t send him money, and by golly he did! He’s a man of his word, and I must have him back!” –JJ48

“Hi, Estelle — I spent the last three weeks looking for store-bought tuna casserole before realizing that’s not a thing, so I brought a HOME MADE tuna casserole for your cat and — what the HELL???” –DNH

“I’d like to think that in between panels one and two there was a good 15 minutes of complete silence between those two as the rest of the pizza was cooking, Dagwood staring intensely at the over door the entire time.” –pugfuggly

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