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Crankshaft, 3/26/18

Oh hey what’s up how are you feeling on a Monday morning are you emotionally prepared for Crankshaft’s daughter walking in on him surfing for cyberporn, right there at the desk in their home office??? Of course you aren’t, now here’s a closeup of what Ed Crankshaft’s face looks like when he finally finds some porn he likes:

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/26/18

Oh, I’m sorry, did you find that unpleasant? Do you want to purge the image from your mind? Here, here’s one to replace it: a beloved dog with all of its flesh peeled off its skull, exposing the glistening bone beneath, yet somehow still alive, his eyes goggling in unimaginable horror but his jaws, no longer attached to any muscles or tendons, unable to open, so he must remain silent for what presumably is the very short remainder of his life.

Six Chix, 3/26/18

Ha ha, after all that, today’s Six Chix, about a woman who keeps three children (possibly hers, possibly not) prisoner in her basement seems positively wholesome!

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Blondie, 3/25/18

I’m pretty much in awe of Blondie’s grim determination to constantly wedge in references to whatever noncontroversial current event is going to be happening when its strips are published, presumably weeks or months after they’re actually written. I hope that you, like the cast of Blondie, are enjoying “Final Four week,” the week-long celebration of the Final Four that we all know and love! I also hope that you’re in awe of Mr. Dithers’ ability to bounce a bound paper report up and down like a basketball, in violation of all laws of physics. People are gonna ask, “What’s the key indicator that what we’re seeing is some kind of ‘heightened reality,’ perhaps a hallucination or spirit vision?”, and most people are gonna go for Mr. Dithers’ six feet of vertical lift in the next-to-last panel, but for my money it’s him bouncing that unbounceable report, and by merely calling Dithers a “pretty decent dribbler” Dagwood is showing some profound disrespect.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/25/18

“Look, do you want everyone in this town dead of heart disease by 55 or not? I thought you were on board with the Montoni mission statement.”

Mary Worth, 3/25/18

Wait a minute … Wilbur is lonely and depressed, abandoned by his daughter and girlfriend, haunted by his many failures, and Mary is going to … take him to the top of a cliff … and have him contemplate his sad, broken life?

IT’S HAPPENING

IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING

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Gasoline Alley, 3/24/18

Ha ha! It’s funny because alcoholism is a serious condition that can ruin lives!

Pluggers, 3/24/18

Ha ha! It’s funny because a few European countries used to control much of the world, imposing their political systems and even new names on subject peoples, but that phase of history is over now and pluggers simply don’t care for this new state of affairs!

Mary Worth, 3/24/18

Ha ha! It’s funny because Wilbur and Mary have nobody to hang out with except each other, and they’re each trying to make the other think they’re happy about it!

The Lockhorns, 3/24/18

Ha ha! It’s funny because Leroy’s … dead? I’m pretty sure the implication here is that Leroy’s dead, guys.