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Hi and Lois, 9/29/17

I actually find the art in today’s second Hi and Lois panel perfect and exquisite. What could be a harsher contrast to the noble, silent, straight-trunked tree that’s been growing industriously in the yard for the past 16 years? Why, the average American teen: hunched over, shirt slovenly and wrinkled, hat turned to the side for no earthly reason, a long line of slobber dribbling down from his slack-jawed face as he gulps milk right from the carton in front of the fridge. It makes one question where we went wrong as a people, and also makes one look back approximately 1.6 billion years, when the plant and animal lineages diverged, to find the answer.

Blondie, 9/29/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because Blondie has a demanding full-time job, and yet is also expected to perform all the traditionally feminine domestic and emotional labor required to maintain a household!

Judge Parker, 9/29/17

CHANGE DOT ORG PETITION FOR JUDGE PARKER TO FOCUS ENTIRELY ON APRIL AND HER ANTI-CIA WOMEN’S PRISON GANG FROM HERE ON IN

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Family Circus, 9/28/17

I have no clear idea of what emotion Kittycat’s expression is supposed to denote, but it seems extremely sinister to me. “Ha ha, yes, I will keep purring, fool! For you shall seek but never find! There is no ‘it’ to discover! You’ll be pleasurably rubbing my fur with that stethoscope … forever! MU HA HA HA!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/28/17

Clearly the powers-that-be at Rex Morgan have introduced this hideous, just-out-of-frame “dog” to distract us from the true horror — that Fox News personality Sean Hannity has donned a blond wig and is moonlighting as “Sarah’s friend from school.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/28/17

Ahhhh, life in Hootin’ Holler: the cargo cult keeps updating, but these folks are still as far from being able to participate in advances of modern civilization as ever!

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Dick Tracy, 9/27/17

Hey, remember the Space Coupe? It was a charmingly retro spacecraft invented by Diet Smith that allowed Dick Tracy and his pals to travel to the moon, leading to the act of cross-species sex that brought adorable li’l Honeymoon Tracy into existence! Honeymoon was actually born within this space-travelling cylinder, so she has a unique right to wear that t-shirt, I suppose, though I can’t help but think about people who died horribly in it not that long ago!

Gasoline Alley, 9/27/17

Speaking of dying horribly, looks like Rufus is about to be involved in a fatal officer-involved shooting on the streets of Neo-Chicago! Presumably it will be easy to spin his impenetrable fake rustic dialect as resisting arrest in some way.

Judge Parker, 9/27/17

Oh my God, did a member of the Parker-Driver clan experience a consequence of some kind??? And it was for something she barely even did! (She and her arms dealer dad might’ve done a few light murders in the course of extracting herself from a CIA rogue op she probably should’ve noticed she had accidentally become a part of.) Anyway, three years in the clink in Parkerverse time will be the equivalent of … maybe 40, 50 years in real time? Enjoy reading the joyous strips featuring April’s release on your holo-pads in space, everybody!

Spider-Man, 9/27/17

Uhhhhh, Peter, she’s … already a widow? Uncle Ben? “With great power comes great responsibility?” Is any of this ringing a bell, Peter