Post Content

Family Circus, 10/1/17

Welp, it’s time for Billy to take over the strip again, and let’s see what he’s got to tell us! Animals and children are just climbing all over the furniture to get food, the baby’s crying inconsolably on the floor while Mommy ignores him and blathers on the phone, Dad’s out trying to fuck the blonde neighbor, and Dolly has managed to wander over to someone else’s house entirely, cheerfully talking about her family’s financial and medical situation in return for a little attention. I’m assuming this cartoon is being mailed directly to Child Protective Services.

Judge Parker, 10/1/17

“But … Sam! I’m horny now!”

Post Content

Six Chix, 9/30/17

I find crows a little uncanny, what with their keen intelligence and ability to recognize and remember human faces. So I’ve always been a little averse to learning too much about their ways, lest I freak myself out even more about them, but today’s Six Chix finally led me to fatefully Google “what do crows eat?” Because … what is that the crow is scarfing/ripping/tearing/shredding/mutilating in panel two there? Remember, the coloring is done by the syndicate — it doesn’t necessarily represent the artist’s intent. It sort of looks like a pile of leaves but then it also kind of looks like the gutted body of another bird, right? Those are little bird feed sticking up from the end of it on our right? As the nice bird-feeding lady looks on in horror? Anyway, turns out “crows eat frogs, lizards, insects and anything else they can catch and swallow. They’re also known to eat carrion.” After that, I decided I was ready to give in to full-on bird horror, so I Googled “will crows eat other crows,” but I only got as far as “Crows occasionally murder each other for reasons that mystify scientists” before I decided, you know what, I’m not actually emotionally prepared for this.

Dennis the Menace, 9/30/17

We joke a lot on this blog about the true meaning of menace when it comes to this strip, but really: is there anything creepier than someone — especially a child — doing something destructive and manifestly not in his own best interest, for impenetrable reasons of his own, with a smile on his face? At this point I’m just hoping that bucket is full of water that came out of the faucet, if you catch my drift.

Pluggers, 9/30/17

I feel like this panel is cheating by giving us a plugger definition not just in the caption but also in a word balloon? Anyway, you have to respect the fact that, no matter how many folksy aphorisms you jam into the text here, this panel still looks like a couple guys cruising for erotic e-stim play partners in the parking lot of the Dillard’s out on Route 78 that closed down in 2011.

Post Content

GUYS, I have to apologize, I know I have been behind on contacting people who gave to the fundraiser to thank them and get them their tote bag — it’s been a week, lemme tell you. You are all lovely, patient people, and I’ll be in touch next week, I promise!

Meanwhile, it’s that time of the month again, that time being a week before the first Friday of next month, and that means I get to remind you that my live LA comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening next week, and it’s gonna be hilarious!

Check out the Facebook event, if you know what’s good for you!

What’s good for everyone, of course, is the comment of the week:

“CARROT MUFFINS: NOT EVEN ONCE” –Windier E. Megatons, on Twitter

The runners up? Also truly great!

“Hell is dealing with Mary Worth while hungover.” –Jon Bennett, on Facebook

“The dog man of Pluggers must to go to dangerous lengths to find a portion of the utility pole that hasn’t been scent-marked by his fellows.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“I don’t think Crankshaft will find it that hard to choose a side. ‘Hey, kids! Let me drive you to school in my Taxi Scab!’” –Peanut Gallery

“So is Snuffy listing the various indicators of canine unhealth just for kicks, or is he building up to ‘…so what I’m sayin’ is, nobody would miss that dog an’ I ain’t been able to steal a chicken fer weeks.’” –Ekudamram

“[black and white images of Cookie moving through a parade crowd] What it all comes down to / Is that everything is going to be quite alright / ‘Cause I’ve got pork chops in my pocket / And shoulder hair that smells like cigarettes” –Dan

“Sure, Spidey, tell the woman who was saving your life for a few weeks to ‘Stay put’ while you go grab the guy who is cleverly managing to use the monster’s strength to break his chains. Looking forward to see how you take all the credit!” –matt w

“How is Honeymoon (really? Honeymoon?) going to be a cop when she appears to be a walking EMP generator. Every time her stupid antenna spark, she’ll kill radio comms. ‘This is Unit 10… [squelch] we have two… [squeal] with heavy weap… [crackle] at the [static] … up now!’ Of course, on the plus side, she’s her own taser.” –Voshkod

“The kid has a human on his leash, doesn’t he?” –nescio

“Social status in Hootin’ Holler is based on the quality of the trash your children play with.” –TheDiva

“Blondie has offered the daily sacrifice to Dagwood’s appetite. Will she be back before he finishes it and devours their children to satisfy the dark, cold void within him? Tune in Monday to find out!” –Dread

“‘I will come home to you and Charlotte,’ she says menacingly.” –Left Nut

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.