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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/25/18

As faithful readers of this blog know, Rex Morgan, M.D., has been a little light on the medical drama, unless you count sleep apnea and dehydration and people dying of cancer off-panel and then leaving their children with randos they knew in 1st grade as medical drama, which, I think it goes without saying, I don’t. Anyway, that’s why I’m excited that Justin, after having a negative reaction to his ham and cheese sandwich, apparently yacked it up onto the floor of the cafeteria, and now is just going to wander off while his friends stand around nervously wondering who’s going to clean up the puddle of barf, because I’m hoping said puddle of barf is swarming with whatever exotic and deadly virus he’s come down with and soon the whole school will be in a state of lockdown. If it just turns into a thing like the story in Stand By Me where one incident of vomiting sparks a chain reaction and everyone in the cafeteria ends up involuntarily puking on one another, that will also be acceptable.

Mary Worth, 2/25/18

Here, everybody, please enjoy the total humiliation of sex creep and “character” Ted Miller, who gets slapped, shoved, and ends up groveling on the floor, wearing one of Mary’s delicious and potentially lucrative muffins as a hat!

Crankshaft, 2/25/18

I’m pretty sure that the unspeakable Something from the basement that devoured Crankshaft and assumed his form is going to turn out to be much less of an asshole.

Beetle Bailey, 2/25/18

“This has to be dealt with,” said Rocky, after General Halftrack overthrew the U.S. government and began abrogating civil liberties. “The General thinks he can get away with anything!” Unfortunately, it turned out he could.

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/24/18

Man, I sometimes I feel like either Funky Winkerbean doesn’t understand the motivations and behavior of actual human beings, or I don’t? Why does Pete need Darin and his family to be his traveling companions? Pete and Darin live in California, so they probably aren’t driving all the way back to Ohio, and it’s not like Darin’s going to spring for Pete’s plane ticket. Pete went to high school in Westview and last we heard had a romantic interest in nearby Centerville, so it’s not even like it would be weird for him to travel there himself! All I can think of is that Pete is so cheap that he wants to split an Uber from the airport, which is weird but at least offers some vague explanation for the “joke” in the final panel.

Family Circus, 2/24/18

I gotta admit, the idea of someone literate just stone cold making up rules that aren’t actually in her culture’s preferred holy book and imposing them on someone illiterate is pretty funny! After further reflection, I also have to admit that this was probably pretty common behavior for, say, most of human history.

Mark Trail, 2/24/18

Ah ha, now we see where this Mark Trail plot is going! “Oh, you whiny libs don’t like the way the circus treats the animals, huh? Well, what if the circus just let the animals roam free in your neighborhood??? I bet you’d be in favor of a little animal cruelty then!!!!” I’m honestly excited to learn how Wilhelm the clown fits into this. “Oh, you whiny libs think clowns are scary and disturbing, huh? Well, in this case you’re right, this dude is a straight-up nightmare given flesh.”

Pluggers, 2/24/18

The pluggers were warned that the death panels were coming, so we had to make them extra subtle.

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Hey everybody! Next week is the first Friday of the month so you know what that means: my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is back! We had a month off and are coming back extremely refreshed with a great lineup, so this is a great month to come by if you are within driving distance of LA! Here is the Facebook event, which you should click on!

Ahem! And now with that business out of the way, here is your comment of the week!

“The sandwich could be so good that the only way Justin can increase his enjoyment of it is through autoerotic asphyxiation. He’s going about it all wrong, but sometimes when the moment seizes you you simply have to go with what feels right.” –Mike Podgor

And here is a fine collection of runners up!

“I wish this strip spent more time on Hagar’s time-traveling raids among 1930s high society.” –TheDiva

“Cherry: ‘I’d like to decorate the cabin a little.’ Mark: ‘Fine. Here’s something that could kill us all.’ And that’s the dynamic that makes this marriage work.” –Joe Blevins

“You know you’re a plugger if you have a fetish for fisting sneakers.” –nescio

“Finally, the reporters at The Daily Billionaire Simon Stagg Found Dead have the story they’ve been waiting so long for.” –pugfuggly

“I… don’t know if this is a ‘dramatic zoom on narrowed eyes while on the phone‘ action movie get-me-the-president kind of moment. But I also don’t want to discourage Mark from exploring an emotional range, even if it only goes from ‘bemused’ to ‘stern.’” –Dan

“So the first step in becoming a nationally recognized brand is to spend your weekends as the sad sample lady at the local market? At this rate, Mary’s timeline toward becoming a muffin millionaire is lagging far behind her life expectancy.” –BigTed

“The really sad thing is, this won’t be the first case of ‘dick grated off’ Doc Pritchart sees today!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“I don’t think Snuffy’s too concerned about the way he’s handling his dad. Black market organ sellers are remarkably unfussy, as are black market wig makers.” –Applemask

“There won’t be enough left of him to bury. But Mary is going to make Jeff dig a grave anyway.” –Kyle Beatty, on Facebook

“This stuff isn’t half bad, so I’m going to fork it through my chest wall directly into my aorta.” –lumaca morente

“I’m not sure why it amuses me so much to assume Hi is listening to ‘Sail Away’ by Enya, but it’s most the strip has entertained me in a decade so I’m going with it.” –Doctor Handsome

“But even though I just stayed home instead of going to the game in case I was needed to pitch relief, when I went to the ballpark the next day, I didn’t get fired! I kept on being a mediocre pitcher on a mediocre minor-league team, just the same! So literacy is over-rated, is what I’m saying.” –seismic-2

“Honestly the most menacing thing Dennis ever does is when he foretells the distant future of the 2010s from his eternal time-home of the 1950s. Can he see beyond to eternity?” –abadidea

“Which cloud contains the malware I wrote to identify compromising photos and upload them to 4chan? BTW, Margaret, did I every tell you how I gained su access to Azure and read your diary?” –Nekrotzar

I’m also a fan of this visual posted to Twitter by longtime faithful reader Dean Booth:

pic.twitter.com/CBJ6uqAbi0

— Dean Booth (@BoothDean) February 22, 2018

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