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Crock, 7/13/17

For whatever reason Crock has spent a surprising amount of time of late following the unlikely bond between Otis, a human boy, and Wadsworth, a bird that eats rotting flesh. Today, though, we learn the limits of trans-species friendship. Amongst his own kind, Wadsworth would no doubt say, “Wait, Crock feeds his men food that’s already begun to decay, making it perfectly suited for my species’ uniquely evolved digestive tract? Well sign me the heck up! I like eating putrid meat! When we go into combat and massacre our enemies, leaving their bloated corpses on the desert battlefield, that’ll just be another great opportunity for met to feed!” But he knows this is a delicate topic amongst humans, and so he becomes self-conscious about sharing his thoughts with his friend.

Beetle Bailey, 7/13/17

Say what you will about General Halftrack’s increasingly obvious mental impairments, but at least he knows that it’s better to plot a coup during ostensible recreation hours rather than at his actual HQ.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/12/17

“Well, how about the toast, then? With the crusts on, obviously — that’s where the nutrients are. Also, no butter or jam. Fats and sugars are the silent killers! But don’t worry, you can pair it with a piping lukewarm glass of tap water!”

Marvin, 7/12/17

Oh man, Dr. Dog is about to get some furious letters from Welsh corgis, along with some nuanced explainers on geographical nomenclature from the Unionist Irish wolfhound community.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/12/17

[Inside the offices of Conaco, LLC]

ASSISTANT: …oh, and there’s also that request from that comic strip artist to use your likeness in a ComicCon plotline.

CONAN O’BRIEN: Oh, right. Sure, say yes to that. It’ll be a good promo for the shows I’m going to be taping there.

ASSISTANT: So do you want them to sign something promising you won’t be portrayed in the comic strip as some kind of cartoonishly sexist boor?

CONAN O’BRIEN: What? Why … why would they even do that? That seems unnecessary. I’m sure it’ll be fine!

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Gasoline Alley, 7/11/17

Ugh, fine, I guess I will supply some cursory backstory on what’s going on in Gasoline Alley, which is that this freaky-lookin’ dude was briefly irritated by two children while fishing because they thought he was weird and scary looking, and probably we’re going to learn some valuable lessons about ugly hermits with hearts of gold and not judging a book by its cover and blah blah blah, but really today’s final panel makes it look like the guy is coolly examining the unconscious kid with his single eye, trying to determine how best to cook and eat him.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/11/17

I feel like the whole “Starbuck Jones is a movie!” thing has spiraled completely out of hand in Funky Winkerbean, as it started with our sad-sack comics-obsessed characters writing for a neglected comic book hero and now they’re giving a presentation at ComicCon as part of its multimillion-dollar marketing push. It would be like if Joe Shlabotnik got called up to the majors and batted .335 and Charlie Brown got hired as his personal assistant during his team’s undefeated playoff run? Anyway, mostly I’m featuring today’s strip to point out that that, in addition to suffering the general indignity of appearing in Funky Winkerbean, famously ginger Conan O’Brien has been transformed into a blond by the syndicate colorists, possibly because they can’t tell that he and Mason Jarre as supposed to be different people.

Family Circus, 7/11/17

Ha ha, yes Jeffy, it’s there to bury the evidence! (Specifically, the evidence that you or your siblings ever existed.)