Apartment 3-G, 3/16/15
This week’s Apartment 3-G is slightly more firmly grounded in reality than last week’s James Bond-ian insanity. I mean, a modern young woman in New York getting into making strawberry jam in her apartment? Sure! Lots of younger people are reclaiming the labor-intensive food prep processes of their grandparents’ era as a hobby! A young woman making strawberry jam and bringing it to her roommate’s rich dad in his fancy Manhattan hotel? Uh, sure, that could happen, I guess? I seem to remember during the Martin vs. Bobbie storyline that Bobbie was weirdly convinced that Martin was into Lu Ann, I think because they were hanging around with each other socially for some reason. A young woman making strawberry jam and bringing it to her roommate’s rich dad in his fancy Manhattan hotel while wearing a pink suit jacket over a white turtleneck? Look, I … I can’t explain everything, OK?
Family Circus, 3/16/15
Man, Mommy sure seems depressed about how excited Dolly is. “Mommy, everything in these diaries up until this has been straight-up garbage! When will I meet the man who will give my life meaning?”
Ha ha, that would be a derogatory thing to call a women’s restroom! Say, what are the female characters in this strip named, again?
“He doesn’t know the half of it! Why, the Battles of Lexington and Concord were fought by Massachusetts militiamen before I was appointed commander of the Continental Army; the Battle of Saratoga was fought by my subordinates while I was nowhere nearby; and the Treaty of Paris was negotiated by others who I had no authority over, since at that time I was only a military commander, not the chief executive! I don’t deserve to have these pennants hanging up in my office! They just make me feel like a big man! I’m a fraud!”
Man, wasn’t it great when Americans were united by utter terror of nuclear annihilation? There definitely weren’t any divisions here at home at all during that period! Thanks for reminding us of this gentler era, Caveman Poet!
Mark Trail, 2/22/15
Despite what this feature might’ve implied last week, you’re probably not being stalked by a terrifying grizzly bear right now. You are surrounded by insects in all directions, though! Horrible, horrible insects. Just look at them! They’re awful monsters.
Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/22/15
Hey, remember a couple weeks ago when it looked like there might be some kind of conflict in this storyline? Haha, well, never mind all that!
Mary Worth, 2/14/15
Say what you will about Mary Worth — say, for instance, that it has committed the worst kind of epigraphic sins, which is throwing up some blurge you found online and just putting “Author Unknown” at the end of it, because if you’re going to use this quote torn so far out of context that you can’t even tell who wrote it, what even is the point of using a quote at all, and anyway about five minutes of Googling would connect the quote with reasonable certainty to Germaine de Staël’s 1806 novel Corinne … wait, what was I getting at? Oh, right, Mary Worth. It has its problems! But you have to respect the fact that this whole Hanna’s-failing-vision-unexpectedly-finds-her-a-love-connection plot has been carefully timed to present us with a delightful Valentine’s Day treat: a storybook wedding! I’m assuming your storybooks include a bored government functionary mumbling vows off of a piece of paper while failing to make eye contact with you, and a bookcase full of dusty municipal codes that nobody’s looked at in years.
Meanwhile, over in B.C., Grog is going to … fuck a tumbleweed, I guess?
Hi and Lois, 2/14/15
Thank goodness Hi and Lois is here to show us what this day is really about: no-strings-attached sex between teenagers. Have a romantic weekend, everybody!