Funky Winkerbean, 2/27/16
Speaking of the Funkyverse’s transparent hatred for young people, the young people of Funky Winkerbean who work on the school newspaper/TV station are flagrantly violating ethics in high school journalism by picking a new staffer solely for his access to review copies of publications that their readers would probably enjoy seeing reviewed. Anyway, this is supposed to show that teens are terrible, I guess, but Les literally cringing in disgust in panel two is a delight for all Funky Winkerbean readers who hate Les (i.e., all Funky Winkerbean readers), which I think undercuts the message a little bit.
The Phantom, 2/27/16
I don’t have the time or energy to bring you up to speed on the political intrigue in process here, but I don’t think I need to in order for you to enjoy the phrase “Girok, you fool! We’re planning a revolution! Pick up!” Sure, Girok’s been knocked unconscious by the Ghost Who Opposes The Revolutionary Vanguard, but even if he hadn’t been, who makes phone calls any more, you know? Just send a text like a normal person, dude.
Mary Worth, 2/6/16
Uh oh, looks like Olive fell down and hurt herself! And now she looks … angry. You know, we’ve been having plenty of fun here watching Mary sexually reject dudes, but we shouldn’t lose sight of what this Olive story is really about, namely a little girl who talks to angels and can see the future. If there’s one thing movies have taught us about creepy children with mind powers, it’s this: they seem cheerful enough until they encounter a difficulty or obstacle that a normal person would take in stride, and then they get very angry indeed, generally with terrible consequences. The population of Midtown Manhattan seems to have dodged a bullet this time, though. Dude with the mustache is panel one in lucky his head didn’t explode, splattering goo everywhere, as a side effect of Olive’s rage.
The Phantom, 2/6/16
The Phantom is in the middle of a fairly dull story about teenage royal love that’s a sequel to one from six years ago, but I mostly want to point out that among the amenities of the Skull Cave is a Skull Hot Tub. I wonder if this is an ancient natural hot spring that’s formed a crater deep in this cavern over the centuries, or if the Ghost Who Walks just ordered a regular hot tub from Home Depot and had his interior designer “cave it up a bit.”
Pluggers know that, no matter what you say about the Nazis and the regimes that collaborated with them, they sure knew how to maintain law and order.
Mark Trail, 2/6/16
Meanwhile, over in Mark Trail, a thing exploded pretty dramatically. HAPPY WEEKEND EVERYBODY
The Phantom, 12/8/15
We’ve now got to the part of the Tales of the Young Phantom where the Phantom had to ditch his posh American boarding school and go back to Bangalla and take over for his dad, who presumably was horribly mangled in a battle on the river against bandits and/or hippos. My favorite part of this strip is that Guran, who normally lets it all hang out in garb well-suited to Bangalla’s tropical climate, has been forced to put on Western clothes to fit in, and looks extremely unhappy about it. What is that, a blue chambray shirt tucked into jeans? Looks like faithful reader lumaca morente’s guess that this was all happening the ’90s was spot on.
One of my very favorite Newspaper Spider-Man storylines was when J. Jonah Jameson finally started offering health insurance to freelancers and Peter had to go get a physical before he could get insurance (which I’m pretty sure was never a thing, even in the days when you could be excluded for pre-existing conditions) and he wore his Spider-Man outfit under his clothes but then panicked when he forgot that visiting the doctor sometimes involves getting naked. I don’t remember how this ended, but he was briefly transformed into “Gown Man” and at some point the doctor tried to patent his spider-blood (the relative blood of a … spider?). What I’m saying is that I have high hopes for more medical hijinx from the quack J. Jonah Jameson keeps on retainer to certify that injuries suffered by Bugle contractors don’t qualify for workman’s comp.
In other news, JJJ’s right hand in panel two is reaching … through his jacket? Or maybe over it, or around it? To drape it over his right shoulder? The less time spent thinking about this the better, honestly.
I’m not sure what the “EXIT” sign in panel one is supposed to signify. It’s pointing the way out of … this outdoor space where Francis is extolling his new girlfriend’s virtues? Sadly, if Momma thinks it’s an exit from this comic strip, she has another thing coming.
Gasoline Alley, 12/8/15
“Remember, kids, being one of the most famous writers in the world won’t do jack shit for you, financially! If you want to get rich, you’ve gotta do something really profitable, like patent valuable scrapbooking paraphernalia!”