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Comics archive! Family Circus

Looking forward to grabbing misdirected traffic to my site

Slylock Fox, 4/13/15

Once again, Slylock has used simple and fairly obvious animal science facts to catch a criminal! Frogs have no hair, you see, so any frog in a hair salon must by definition be a criminal on the lam! Frogs also must keep their skin moist in order to breathe through it, so any frog willing to sit under a hair dryer must be suicidal. The shoplifting, the bad behavior — they’re just a cry for help.

Mark Trail, 4/13/15

It’s a good thing your tree-bug problem happened to come to light in April, Wally, because the other 11 months a year the Department of Agriculture wouldn’t have done shit for you! It’s also a good thing that the purveyors of specialized pornography who previously owned the site let their domain registration lapse so this excellent URL could be used for socially constructive purposes.

Family Circus, 4/13/15

The sad facial expressions of the Keane parents are always my favorite things about the Family Circus. “Welp,” Big Daddy Keane thinks mournfully today, “looks like I raised a Communist.”

His only escape will be to create a “Chris Gaines”-style alternate personality

Judge Parker, 3/18/15

Guys, guys, guys, you might have thought that this Judge Parker storyline was about the sexual objectification of women, what with Neddy being urged to show off her hot bod and Godiva wearing, well, this. But! Did you know that men can be sexual objects too? Sure, all you young fellas dream of hitting it big in Nashville, but just having a catchy song isn’t enough! To be a country music superstar, you need to constantly make women believe you might be sexually available to them. And not just on TV or through your songwriting: you need to pay attention to individual superfans, an act of emotional labor that you will find far more draining that you can imagine. Flirting, smiling, suggesting: this is the dark side of country music. Enter that world at your moral peril.

Dennis the Menace, 3/18/15

Enforced heterosexuality is extremely menacing, Henry. Here’s looking forward to a mildly awkward dinner with Dennis and a husky, hairy guy named Ted someday!

Family Circus, 3/18/15

The Keane parents’ facial expression here is a thing of beauty to me. “When? When is he going to stop saying the darndest things? When?

Wearing white while making strawberry jam seems ill-advised

Apartment 3-G, 3/16/15

This week’s Apartment 3-G is slightly more firmly grounded in reality than last week’s James Bond-ian insanity. I mean, a modern young woman in New York getting into making strawberry jam in her apartment? Sure! Lots of younger people are reclaiming the labor-intensive food prep processes of their grandparents’ era as a hobby! A young woman making strawberry jam and bringing it to her roommate’s rich dad in his fancy Manhattan hotel? Uh, sure, that could happen, I guess? I seem to remember during the Martin vs. Bobbie storyline that Bobbie was weirdly convinced that Martin was into Lu Ann, I think because they were hanging around with each other socially for some reason. A young woman making strawberry jam and bringing it to her roommate’s rich dad in his fancy Manhattan hotel while wearing a pink suit jacket over a white turtleneck? Look, I … I can’t explain everything, OK?

Family Circus, 3/16/15

Man, Mommy sure seems depressed about how excited Dolly is. “Mommy, everything in these diaries up until this has been straight-up garbage! When will I meet the man who will give my life meaning?”

B.C., 3/16/15

Ha ha, that would be a derogatory thing to call a women’s restroom! Say, what are the female characters in this strip named, again?