How are you celebrating America’s Birthday, patriots?
Wizard of Id, 7/4/14
The Wizard of Id crew exists in some faux-medieval land far the bounty of American Freedom, yet its inhabitants are aware that the American experiment ought to mean an end to strife, and the discovery that we can join together with our former enemies to celebrate democracy.
In Crock, we see the jealousy that our national greatness arouses in others, as these cruel and cynical Frenchmen mockingly pantomime our Independence Day celebrations while imposing their colonial will in the North African desert.
Dennis the Menace, 7/4/14
Dennis imagines his future manic dictatorship, in which the special nature of this day’s celebration is lost in a ceaseless barrage of explosions, each gaudier and louder than the last, driving all rational thought from everyone’s mind until they can no longer think straight enough to resist his menacing tyranny.
Family Circus, 7/4/14
The Keane Kids represent contemporary Americans’ total ignorance of our nation’s Founding: they don’t know or don’t care that the nitrate-salt tubes and sugar-filled buns they eagerly cram down their greedy maws would have filled our first generation of political leaders with mingled terror and disgust.
Beetle Bailey, 7/4/14
Finally, Beetle Bailey reminds you to ring, not bong. Don’t do drugs, kids!
Hagar the Horrible, 7/1/14
Here’s a problem I sometimes have with my critical approach to Hagar the Horrible: my instinct in making jokes about it is to contrast the low-stakes domestic humor that drives most of the strip’s gags with the actual nightmarish bloodbath that was Viking society — and yet that contrast also sometimes seems to be the intended reading of the strip, and I feel that’s happening more and more often. Take Lucky Eddie, for instance: one of the core things that’s “funny” about him is that he’s a little too gentle to be a Viking warrior. So today, Hagar is having him kill an adorable rabbit that’s begging for its life, in hope of snuffing out that spark of human kindness within him and making him more effective at the murder and slaving that makes up the core of his job. This is one of the most traumatizing Hagar the Horribles I’ve read in years, is what I’m saying.
Wizard of Id, 7/1/14
Hey, remember when 300 was a popular movie, seven years ago? And there were lots of ripped mostly naked dudes in it? And remember when the 300 sequel came out, four months ago, and it was significantly less popular? Anyway, this is what the Wizard of Id creative team thinks an attractive muscular torso looks like, I guess.
Dennis the Menace, 7/1/14
Dennis is passive-aggressively slut-shaming Joey’s dog! I dub this … pretty menacing.
Mary Worth, 6/22/14
Oops, here’s the real sad story behind Olive’s neglectful parents: they don’t have time to figure out how important li’l Olive’s visions are because they’re too busy having sex! Mary’s passive-aggressive criticism of this will be amazing.
Judge Parker, 6/22/14
Speaking of having sex, everyone in Judge Parker is about to have sex! I’d say this is survival sex, that the adrenaline that was pumping through everyone’s veins during the near-violet confrontation with the Gardia brother has left them all in a heightened and aroused state, but let’s be real: these are Spencer-Drivers-Parkers. They were never in any danger and they knew it.
Panels from Dennis the Menace, 6/22/14
I think … Dennis just taunted his dad for neglecting his mother, sexually? Not sexy at all, actually, but extremely menacing.