Mary Worth, 5/25/16
“Look, it’s not physical at all! It’s spiritual. Like, the first time we did yoga together in his tiny little apartment, I knew he was my ‘guru,’ which means ‘teacher’ in Hindi, a language neither of us speak. So we’re not having sex, but I am a blind devotee to his every whim! Would I die for him? You bet! Kill for him? Absolutely! Have sex with him? Definitely! Have I been having sex with him already? Yeah, for like three weeks now! Wait, did I say that last part out loud?”
Dennis the Menace, 5/25/16
“How much blood must I wade through, father? How much carnage before the world is purified?”
I have very mixed feelings about this caption/cartoon combination. In general, I sneer at shortcuts that allow the artist to pair up an extremely generic cartoon that can be endlessly reused, such as “Chicken Lady dyspeptically looks at a calendar while talking on a landline,” with an extremely specific caption, such as “Chicken Lady has gone past whatever the equivalent of menopause is for monstrous human-avian hybrids.” In this case, though, I’m pretty glad that we haven’t been presented with a visual depiction of, say, Chicken Lady about to get it on with her spouse and gleefully announcing that contraception won’t be necessary, or, conversely, Chicken Lady weeping sadly to herself because she can never have children.
Dennis the Menace, 5/18/16
“Get it, wreck-creation? Like they’re creating wrecks? Wuh-recks. It’s a silent w. I realize now I should’ve thought this through better.”
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/18/16
I’m so excited to casually drop the phrase “Mistopher Drama” into everyday conversation that I’m almost willing to overlook the fact that the plot of this strip is basically “The Boy Who Cried Child Abuse.”
Judge Parker, 5/15/16
Honestly, I could take or leave Rocky and Godiva talking increasingly explicitly about all the make-up sex they’re going to have, and have very soon, but I could look at Neddy and Abbey feeling increasingly uncomfortable as they stand awkwardly nearby and listen to them all day. It is now clear that steak is an integral part of Rocky and Godiva’s mating ritual. Neddy looks a little sad that the hardhat she had made with Godiva’s name on it isn’t.
Panel from Slylock Fox, 5/15/16
Oh hey what’s up, just a store that sells animals in a world where animals are sapient, nothing to recoil from in absolute horror here!
Panels from Dennis the Menace, 5/15/16
Mr. Wilson, perhaps unsurprisingly given his utter helplessness to maintain peace and quiet in his own home, is very keen to decide who lives and who dies.