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Crock, 12/5/24

If these two guys have names, I don’t know what they are — the Wikipedia Crock article just calls them “the men of Outpost 5,” and they don’t merit a mention on the official King Features Crock character list — but their deal basically is that the guy on the right is always reading letters aloud about life in his hillbilly home town back in France (?). Anyway, I find today’s bit actually kind of heartening. The guy on the left generally looks uninterested during these recitations, but it’s clear he’s been paying attention. He knows the lore!

Gil Thorp, 12/5/24

“Coach, let me rephrase that. It’s cool that you decided to come back from your extended sick leave and all, but I get the feeling you’re only doing it to engage in psychological gamesmanship against your hated rival and not because you’re interested in molding a new generation of student-athletes or anything like that. I’m just a teenager who wants to play football! I don’t think I should be going out there! I’m not equipped for the emotional complexity of this whole scene!”

Gearhead Gertie, 12/5/24

Some might say that having two near-identical drawings in this cartoon is “lazy,” but I think it really hammers home Gertie’s emotional state. Her beloved NASCAR is in danger due to internal conflict, and she’s not exactly sure who to blame or how it’s going to end — maybe if she stays very still and just vaguely shit-talks the legal system, everything will work out for the best.

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Crock, 11/26/24

The thing that’s great about this Crock strip (and that’s a phrase I never thought I’d write) is that Barlow is covered with feathers, which I’m pretty sure means that Crock’s Thanksgiving turkey was still alive when he stole — and, presumably, ate — it. The image of a near-feral Barlow, crazed with hunger or some other form of madness, tearing the poor turkey limb from limb heedless of Crock’s punishment or basic human decency — well, it’s a grim yet wonderful one, and for even suggesting it I’m willing to forgive the strip for not showing his uniform stained with the blood we all know should be there.

Beetle Bailey, 11/26/24

Hello, Beetle Bailey fans. Were you worried that this realistic, grounded strip was going to present you with an absurd situation, like a dog that can read? Well, don’t worry too much: Otto, who is a dog and who walks on his hind legs, wears clothes, is fully capable of understanding and thinking in human language, is interested in astrology, and knows that the markings on a newspaper encode human language — which, to repeat, he’s fully capable of understanding — can’t read. He does remember things people say to him word for word, but he can’t read.

Mary Worth, 11/26/24

Well it looks like another invitee to Mary’s cancelled Thanksgiving dinner is not even slightly sad that Mary’s Thanksgiving dinner got cancelled, and does not intend to bring Mary something nice or check in on her to see if she’s feeling better later this week! Dawn will probably be spending most of the rest of the month taking the lyrics of “Defying Gravity” and really holding space with that and feeling power in that, so honestly Mary’s better off not seeing too much of her until that whole thing blows over.

Gasoline Alley, 11/26/24

Look, I get that the deal with cursèd objects is that they use their sinister powers to compel hapless victims to pass them from person to person so they can wreak havoc, but I do like how blasé Gertie is about it here. “Sorry Jones, they’re not here, they’re gasping for air as the last of their oxygen runs out. You want this doll? She’s inhabited by a demon from the depths of hell and her very existence is an affront to God. Give it to Ava Luna if you see her!”

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Gasoline Alley, 11/18/24

Is that really true, Arty? Have today’s children seen a lot about Mars on TV? Is there actually a lot of Mars content out there, on television, a medium that today’s grade-school children are definitely watching? Are America’s 8-year-olds into the Apple TV+ show For All Mankind, the only actual current show with Mars content that I can think of? Seriously, are they watching that? Are 8-year-olds watching it and not me, even though, as an alt-history sci-fi show created by Ron Moore of Star Trek/Battlestar Galactica fame, it was basically created to specifically cater to my personal tastes? Are the 8-year-olds really this far ahead of me on this? I gotta watch that show, is what I’m saying. Feel like I should finish The Expanse first (I KNOW), but I’m gonna get to it soon enough.

Hi and Lois, 11/18/24

I realize it can be hard to tell with me when I’m talking through multiple layers of irony, so I need to be very clear: Hi and Lois now does strips that are mostly “funny without having punchlines in a traditional sense” and I really love it. It’s great! This strip is great! “I don’t think Lois likes me.” “What makes you say that?” “Oh, well, I was kind of taking liberties by looking for something to eat in your fridge and she really bit my head off. Didn’t hold back at all, and was actually pretty mean about it. Look at her face, you can tell she’s still pissed!”

Alice, 11/18/24

I honestly find the cold, hooded expression with which Alice is regarding her inner child pretty distressing. “Wounded, eh? Well, who do you think wounded you? The same one who’s now going to kill you off once and for all!” [produces huge knife that’s somehow able to stab metaphors]

Crock, 11/18/24

I guess the first panel here is a relic of the days when newspapers would sometimes have some column inches to fill so they’d do an interview with a local weirdo and/or the PR person for an obscure trade group and produce features like “Camels for dinner? Not so far-fetched, experts say”. But I honestly prefer the idea that our Legionnaire is reading a French-language newspaper sold to the local occupation troops, and the banner headline is “FLN SIEGE OF ORAN POCKET HOLDS; STARVATION IMMINENT”.