Six Chix, 11/24/14
All the turkeys are trying to get out of town this week! That’s because it’s almost Thanksgiving, and they’re justifiably terrified that they’re going to be killed and eaten.
But none of them ever imagined that, after they were killed but before they were eaten, Dagwood Bumstead might sexually fetishize their corpse.
Better Half, 11/24/14
As a financial advisor, it’s tough to keep coming up with “fun” ways to say “Welp, looks like you’re gonna die in poverty!”
“Constipated? Ha ha, it’s funny because Marvin has no problems making bowel movements! You can tell because he always smells like feces! Ha ha!”
Hey, remember when Guther and Rosa decided to move to Peru for, uh, some reason? I had been thinking it was in order to do something noble but now we see that they’re just working in an extremely boring-looking call center.
Funky Winkerbean, 11/24/14
“We’ve swapped something you might actually want for something you definitely won’t!”
Mary Worth, 11/24/14
“My daughter? Oh, I definitely don’t love her. If I did, I’d have talked about her up top, when I was telling you about people I loved.”
Having lived in Los Angeles for nearly three months, I can assure you that panel two’s depiction of a Hollywood producer is 100% accurate.
Better Half, 10/19/14
Once again, the Sunday Better Half panels offer variations on a theme! Let’s see: marital whimsy, marital whimsy, marital whimsy, marital whimsy, OH MY GOD STANLEY AND HARRIET ARE DROWNING IN DEBT AND GOING BANKRUPT, THIS IS TERRIBLE, THEY CAN’T EVEN AFFORD LEGAL REPRESENTATION, WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO
Mary Worth, 10/19/14
Haha, never mind, Mary’s not going to marry Hanna off, she’s just going to put her in a home, as I originally predicted. Sorry, Hanna, but when you signed that Charterstone lease you gave Mary power of medical attorney! Should’ve read the fine print!
Funky Winkerbean, 10/19/14
In case you were wondering if Les still spends every day in dread of the looming spectre of death: Les still spends every day in dread of the looming spectre of death.
Better Half, 10/12/14
Like the Lockhorns, the Better Half just churns out a bunch of individual panels to fill its extra allotment of Sunday space. Unlike the Lockhorns, the Better Half attempts to link the panels together; they never create any coherent storyline, but rather present disconnected moments that circle around a few linked themes like some kind of avant garde non-narrative film. The sense of psychic dislocation this produces is really ramped up today, as all the jokes center on teeth, and dirty teeth, and tiny magical beings who come to you in the dead of night while your spouse is asleep and want to take your teeth.
Mark Trail, 10/12/14
“There are thousands of kinds of snakes, they are everywhere, and lots of them are poisonous and one kind can just straight up strangle a crocodile, as depicted in this nightmarish drawing. Also, about a third of people have this weird, irrational fear of them for some reason!”
Welp, looks like the Hobbes family is about to be conquered and enslaved, assuming they survive the devastating diseases against which they have no immunity! Everyone is right to look horrified, in other words.