Here’s an amazing fact that maybe you’re smarter than me and it’s not news to you but maybe it will blow your mind as much as it did mine — I think maybe Ryan North’s Twitter feed is where I heard it but I’m not 100% sure. But, anyway: have you ever noticed that nowhere in the Humpty Dumpty rhyme does it mention that Humpty Dumpty is an enormous man-egg? It’s true! It’s not clear from the rhyme’s history whether he was always meant to be an egg — perhaps it was originally a riddle with his eggish nature as the answer as to why he couldn’t be reassembled. Wikipedia says that “the rhyme is no longer posed as a riddle, since the answer is now so well known.” Humpty-as-egg is such a well-known bit of pop culture, in fact, that Heathcliff and his friends have named their new eggcore band “Dumpty,” which nicely fits into the narrow space between whimsically surreal and thuddingly stupid where Heathcliff has found its sweet spot.
Better Half, 8/12/14
Stanley and Harriet yearn for the days when healthy electronic pizza will be a thing. Until then, they’ll just keep on eating enormous blobs of chocolate-chip cookie dough, I guess.
Funky Winkerbean, 8/12/14
Les has finally figured out that probably nobody wants to see a movie of Lisa’s Story and definitely nobody wants to see a comic version of the story of how Lisa’s Story got made into a movie, so he’s now kicked us into a mildly more interesting fantasy sequence instead.
Apartment 3-G, 7/28/14
I’m back everybody! Isn’t it great when come back from a long time away and discover that literally nothing has changed? Tommie and Carol are wearing the same clothes they were wearing two weeks ago, and are still just standing around talking about nothing of any interest to anyone! The two of them cruelly drove away beloved non-Tommie non-Carol character “Tina” and since then it’s just been the two of them yammering away in an otherwise empty universe. Oh, were you excited by the prospect of what excitement an appearance from “Doc Wheeler” might’ve brought to the strip? Hate to break it to you, but there isn’t any “Doc Wheeler.” We sure didn’t see him on panel. Probably Tommie formed some straw into a vaguely man-shaped pile and said “Look! It’s Doc Wheeler!” and Carol said “Hey there, ‘Big Wheel!’” and then they both laughed and laughed for way, way longer than they should have.
Judge Parker, 7/28/14
Meanwhile, all sorts of things happened in Judge Parker, the main thing being that Neddy has finally come into her own as a Spencer-Driver. Balancing the books of her “Made In The USA” clothing line on the backs of the Social Security and Medicare trust funds and/or old people’s desperation? Heading down to the factory she owns to smugly watch the elderly try to operate machinery and thread needles with trembling, arthritic hands? Abbey’s right: she should’ve told Sam this sooner. He’d eat that shit up.
Better Half, 7/28/14
Also, the Better Half continued its slow and steady migration from “slightly less hateful Lockhorns knockoff” to “full-on surreal horror-nightmare.” I’m reading “spliced a pig gene with the DNA of an aerobics instructor” as meaning an aerobics instructor got some genetic material from a pig and not vice-versa, which means that the Better Half takes place in a dystopian future where even a small amount of artificially engineered DNA in a human’s genome makes that human an un-person who can be killed, cooked, and eaten without fear of legal or social repercussions.
Deep down, pluggers know that their supposedly non-ideological knee-jerk “they’re all crooks!” attitude towards elected officials is a cop-out.
Slylock Fox, 6/23/14
OK, sorry, yes, Patty Opossum put her ring in the soup, blah blah, but I really can’t get past the fact that Patty wants her soup in … a bag? I mean, I get what the implication is, but all I can visualize is the snooty French waiter-dog just straight-up pouring that whole bowl into a paper bag and making a sloshy, oozy, mess, which will soon burst open, leaving a huge soup-puddle, and a diamond ring sitting right in the middle of it. Slylock and Max know what’s coming, and are leaning forward is silent anticipation.
Better Half, 6/23/14
Better Half update: Stanley’s descent into madness continues as he takes the phrase “you’re your own worst enemy” far too literally.
Family Circus, 6/23/14
Ha ha, Billy, your mom is just throwing some generic “Flakies” at you before she gets in her car and drives away forever. Do you really think there’ going to be a lunch? Sucker!