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Comics archive!
April, 2008
Dick Tracy, 4/30/08
Yes, you might say poetic justice, if in fact there were any poetic justice in the situation whatsoever. I suppose Cole Lector was rich, but it’s not as if Dab Stract or the police are going to be handing over his money and geegaws to the poor now that he’s been killed. In fact, the whole notion of redistribution of wealth ought to make Dick so righteously angry that he’d grab that Red bow out of Dab Stract’s hands and break it over his knee, just like he would snap that Commie Robin Hood’s spine, if he could lay his hands on him. The only possible answer is that Dick is not in fact listening to a word Dab Stract or anyone else is saying, and is just interjecting random tough-guy bon mots whenever he becomes vaguely aware that there’s a lull in the conversation. It would explain a lot about the disjointed dialogue in this strip.
Crankshaft, 4/30/08
Ha ha! Crankshaft’s an angry old man that nobody likes, and he’s about to be stung all over his face by bees! Oh, it doesn’t take much to warm the cockles of my black, black heart.
Family Circus, 4/30/08
“Well, there has to be some reason. For starters, it would help if I liked you.”
Luann, 4/29/08
You know what? I like Gunther. You know, he’s dorky, and he’s even got some hobbies (like sewing) don’t seem cool even to other dorks, but he also seems totally comfortable with who he is, something I wish that my dorky high school self could have been. His little speech to Luann in panel two is both eminently sensible and very sweet.
…and then, of course, he pulls out the horrifying fetishistic pig head. You just know there’s a ball gag behind that snout. Next come the handcuffs.
Slylock Fox, 4/29/08
Yeah, laugh it up, birds! You know, poor Baldy McMustache has a dull office job that crushes his soul, and the only thing that keeps him going is his hobby watching the beautiful birds as they fly and sing in his yard. Maybe he just wanted to make the yard a little more inviting for you, to give a little something back for the hours of happiness he’s gotten from bird-watching. Sure, he doesn’t have particularly good carpentry skills, but it’s the thought that counts! The least you could do is coo politely. But no, you just have to humiliate him in front of his kid. Well, I hope you like poisoned birdseed, you ungrateful feathered bastards, because you’d better believe that’s what’s going into the feeder tomorrow morning.
Judge Parker, 4/29/08
I don’t mean to take anything away from No-Legged Steve’s awesome lawyering skills, but it’s easy to do a week’s worth of work in a day when you had your morning coffee a month ago. In fact, by my reckoning, Steve could have actually done four times as much legal eaglin’ as he actually pulled off! Way to go, slacker.
Do you like comments? Do you want to hear this week’s top offerings? Then this post is for you, my friend. Here’s #1:
“If I had to pick a job best suited for chronic masturbators, ‘worldwide-sporting-event-organizing travel agent’ probably wouldn’t even make the top ten. But hey, if that’s his fantasy, he should go ahead and grab it with both hands. Or one hand. Or whatever. I don’t need to know the details, dude.” –Trilobite
And the runners-up:
“RE: Earth Day strips. The only recycling these strips inspire in me is recycling a bit of my dinner up into my mouth.” –Hank
“Parents who practice to Friedmanian monetarist notions of macroeconomics have children who practice Friedmanian monetarist notions of macroeconomics.” –Lolsworth
“Wait, is Mark supposed to be in a seedy motel room? Double wait, what the hell did that call interrupt?” –skullcrusherjones
“Sturdevant has the hots for Ada because she has no chin, which is the only kind of girl he’s physically able to kiss.” –The Spectacular Spider-Brick
“I’ll say one thing for Mary Worth — in the months since I started reading it, it hasn’t attempted to educate me about anything except meddling.” –Poteet
“The sheer delight on Lu Ann’s face will vanish as soon as she discovers that he is not going to pull a quarter from behind her ear.” –Gabacho
“HOLY CRAP there is a male in A3G who I can tell apart from all the other males in A3G, what is this madness.” –terrene
“I like how we never see the rack on which Abbey is putting away the plates. Because another rack would just be redundant.” –RaJ
And it’s also the time when we give a big thanks to everyone who put a bit of scratch in my tip jar this week, and when we thank our fabulous advertisers:
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Marvin, 4/28/08
There have been a lot of subtle changes in Marvin — little tweaks to the artwork, for instance, and the move from thought balloons to word balloons. These might just be presaging a much more momentous shift, in which the strip will cease to be about a droll baby and his droll dogs and cranky grandparents, and instead will focus on toddler Marvin’s Child’s Play-style killing spree. Is the comics page ready for a baby bathed in blood spouting droll witticisms about murder and carnage? Since such material will be replacing urination jokes and dog urination jokes and, God help us, Belly Laffs, I’d say the answer is a hearty “yes”!
Dick Tracy, 4/28/08
So, it looks like the criminal and bizarre Dab Stract, whose face was shrouded in shadow when we last met him, is hideously deformed? For some reason? Just like Cole Lector was also hideously deformed? For some reason? I’m beginning to suspect that the creators of Dick Tracy have a thing for hideous deformities. For some reason.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/28/08
Actually, the medical inquiry was just a cover. No, thrifty Loweezy has recently discovered the Internet and has started supplementing Snuffy’s paltry moonshinin’ and chicken-stealin’ income with a for-pay Website, www.HotSleepingHillbillies.com, which caters to a very specific kind of fetishist. By the excited look on the doctor’s face in the second panel, you can tell that he’s a charter member of the VIP club.
Judge Parker, 4/27/08
Well, it’s been a few months since Sophie stopped being a pantsuit-wearing prematurely aged prepubescent and became a belly-baring tweenage fashion plate, and, heck, I guess that’s the sort of thing you expect from a girl that age. What’s much sadder is her transformation from a borderline-Asperger case, tethered to her laptop and constantly crunching climate change data, to someone who has fully bought into junior high’s draconian rules of social conformity. “Hey, Mr. Dickens is a weirdo! And everyone knows that people who deviate even slightly from the norm don’t deserve privacy or civil rights!”
Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/27/08
We can already see the contours of the upcoming Rex Morgan storyline: the noble bureaucrats of the public health department versus the hate-filled harridans whose children died in an epidemic. “He must have been talking to the Wagners before their son even died!” Why, the Wagners probably deliberately infected their child with MRSA as part of an elaborate scheme to get a sweet financial settlement from the flush-with-cash county government! Monsters! Monsters with dead children!
Panel from Mary Worth, 4/27/08
“But she doesn’t deserve to see your hideous deformed and lumpy face, so please wear this paper bag, dear.”
Crock, 4/26/08
It’s a tough life, being a French Foreign Legionnaire stationed in the restive North African colonies, but there are compensations: for instance, sometimes local women will just walk up to you and hand you substantial quantities of hashish. Figowitz looks at the drugs dubiously, obviously raised on a strict moral diet of “just say non.” C’mon, Figowitz, you know what they say: when in Oran, get as high as a kite as often as possible.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/26/08
Looks like our heroes in Rex Morgan, M.D., are going to be facing both medical and legal drama! They seem to be in trouble, but a close look at panel two should alleviate any worries you have about their chances: I wouldn’t be so scared of a lawyer who can’t spell “subpoena.”
Apartment 3-G, 4/26/08
“Watch me make my pants disappear!”
