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I know, I try to keep my metapost material confined to the COTW post, but there are a couple of items that CAN’T WAIT! Well, one of them literally can’t wait, and the other one is just funny.

First, the one that literally can’t wait. Remember that Shortpacked Funky Winkerbean spoof I linked to a few days back? Well, now you can own the original art! Bid for it on eBay! Bidding ends tomorrow!

Not that I want to know what you’ll be doing with a drawing of Les and Cayla gettin’ it on while Ghost Lisa watches. It’s your life, pervert.

Also! Faithful reader Marisa wrote me with something intriguing:

I work in the back room of a major corporate bookstore, and you can imagine my surprise when I found Spider-Man Versus Electro… the children’s book staring up at me from the bottom of a box. I thumbed through it and even more surprisingly, Electro is actually defeated by Spider-Man instead of just being guilt tripped into submission. In fact, Tommy doesn’t even seem to exist in this universe. Spider-Man employs the use of rubber boots and a water main to take him down. The first couple pages are devoted to Peter Parker fantasizing about using his powers on one of his peers, by whom he is relentlessly bullied. It is never brought up again. He finds out about Electro while watching the ginormous TV in Times Square, I don’t know if that’s better or worse than yelling at the TV alone in his aunt’s basement.

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Apartment 3-G, 5/13/09

Hey, Margo’s Mousy Assistant Whose Name I Cannot Be Bothered To Remember (from here on in to be referred to as MMAWNICBBTR): take a cue from your boss and finger-quote! It’ll save you time!

Beetle Bailey, 5/13/09

I was going to say that Beetle should be charging more for his escort services, but then I thought, what kind of added value does he really offer the customer, anyway?

Dick Tracy, 5/13/09

“We’ll see who’s about to die” ought to be Dick Tracy’s mission statement.

Momma, 5/13/09

“Also, we’ll all be dead soon enough, so it’s not really our problem!”

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Crankshaft, 5/12/09

If the signature facial expression in Funky Winkerbean is the smirk that can’t come close to masking the pain, the signature facial expression in Crankshaft is the overwrought look of stricken horror that accompanies social embarrassment or discomfort. “Oh, no, my old father-in-law has forgotten that he will die soon!” “Oh, no, someone expressed an intimate sentiment in public!” “Oh, no, my son’s entry-level job doesn’t pay well!”

I have no idea why Pam is horrified today, mostly because I have no idea what the ’Shaft’s granddaughter is talking about here; probably she’s glad the robe is all-covering because she’s going to go streaking, or wear a bikini, or get a tattoo, or something, in which case Pam’s facial expression would mean “Oh, no, she’s planning on celebrating her graduation by having a good time!”

Baldo, 5/12/09

Tia Carmen is ever haunted by the grim specter of death, and her single slice of birthday pie cannot make her forget the creeping dread.

Lockhorns, 5/12/09

Meetings of the Hemlock Society are never particularly lively.

Mary Worth, 5/12/09

“You should judge everyone based on his own actions! For instance, you should judge your new friend based on the fact that he’s starting up an inappropriate romantic relationship with a key witness in an ongoing criminal investigation!”