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Q: “Uncle Lumpy, you say you don’t pick the “Comment of the week” because it’s Josh’s prerogative, but isn’t the real reason that you’re just too damn lazy?”
A: “No comment.”

I have sweet metaposty goodness for you nonetheless! Faithful readers who remember last year’s Gail Martin lunacy cascade (with concert t-shirt and fan wiki) will be pleased to hear that faithful reader Scott’s Kalamazoo, MI-based band, New Real People, has recorded the definitive version of Tarzana Nights for the twenty-first century. While my own musical tastes run toward Fred Waring and his Pennsylvanians, the cover art alone is nine kinds of awesome:

Y’all can sample and download the song here.

And in other news: I run fundraisers for The Comics Curmudgeon twice a year when I sub for Josh — not this time, though. But if you feel moved to buy Josh and Amber a round of Nardini Grappa Riserva to share at the terrace bar of the Hotel Baia Dei Mulini in Trapani as the last warm rays of the Mediterranean sunset catch the highlights in Amber’s hair and the music of the surf mingles with the soft laughter of young love — well, I can’t see anybody objecting, y’know? It’s that “Donate” button over at the left there. Just sayin’.

And let’s not forget the fine advertisers who help sustain this site:

• Hip & Handmade!: Shana LOVES people who are independent thinking, unique, artistic, and never too old to have fun! Shop ShanaLogic.com for handmade jewelry, hot apparel, gear for guys, unusual plushes, and more!
• The secrets of the quest: The quest is under way. Some puzzles have been solved, but greater challenge lies ahead. Show resolve, and you could find great reward. $100,000 in treasure awaits. Join if you dare. Many will try. One will succeed.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Judge Parker, 6/22/2008

Well, speak of the devil and he appears! The distinguished-looking gentleman in panels two and five is the Honorable Alan Parker, Judge of the mumble mumble Court of mumble mumble in Parkerville, ST. He’s in the (endless) process of retiring, and when we last saw him — on November 28, 2006 — he was helping his son, Randy “Work it like a claw” Parker, campaign for his seat on the bench.

As early as the 1960’s, the Judge had grown too respectable to be involved in any kind of action — rough-and-tumble P.I. Sam Driver took care of that end of the business. Now similarly neutered, Sam patronizes his secretary, ignores the advances of beautiful women, and passes the action torch to Steve Shannon.

This happens all the time in serial strips:

Why do authors build strong characters over years, only to turn them to plaster saints? Thank heaven Dick Tracy still keeps his hand in the game.

Flash Gordon 6/22/2008

Zonino! Who knew this was still being published? And with a special guest appearance by King Features superstar Mary Worth in the first two panels!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Apartment 3-G, 6/21/2008

Aw, we’ve been unfair to poor Tommie, portraying her as the wallflower of the A3-G pack just because — well, because she’s so gawdawful boring. The facts give us the lie: Tommie has been getting more “action” than LuAnn and Margo combined! Behold:

Apartment 3-G, 9/11/2006, 2/3/2007, 12/4/2007

In the short span of two years, Tommie’s been kissed four times, by three different guys. You parents may want to keep your kids away from the funnies until they’re a bit older. The kids, I mean.

Crankshaft, 6/20/2008, 6/21/2008

And while we’re making amends, how about a kind word for Ed Crankshaft? I mean, sure, he’s squandered two weeks of our goodwill and attention on joke-shaped utterances that would shame the AGLU-2000, and yes, I mean before the upgrade. But c’mon — look how easily Warylook McSeatpartner there manipulates him into shutting the hell up: trade seats, buy him a Pabst®, rattle on about fictitious grandchildren, and watch the old coot tune out and drift off.

That smile in the last panel is the real heartbreaker — Ed’s not really a mean guy, he’s just trying to cover up his incomprehension of and insecurity with anything beyond the familiar routines of his many years. So let us speak no more of “Ed Crankshaft — asshole” and find a warm place in our hearts for “Ed Crankshaft — pathetic asshole.”

Mark Trail, 6/21/2008

Oh, where to begin? Well, “Moss Green”, for starters — Elrod’s apparently started cribbing names from the Dick Tracy archives. Then there’s the postmodern twist that it’s Kelly Welly’s vaunted “unpredictability” that utterly preordains every single panel we’ll see in the next month. But my favorite is Cherry cinching up that diamond hitch all by her ownself. That’s a tough knot for two people to get right, so when Cherry goes all “Help me, Mark!” in the rainy woods some night a month from now, I for one will not be buying it.

— Uncle Lumpy

PS Luann — Hey TJ — Help is on the way! Four days until The Kiss!