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Funky Winkerbean, 10/6/19

Oh, ha ha, the thing he was wearing: his football helmet! His football helmet, which this highway patrolman yanked off his corpse to present to his widow. Do you think there’s some blood and brains and stuff inside there? Probably at least a little, right?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/6/19

I guess I’m kind of surprised that a newspaper comic did a strip about how undeveloped rural communities often turn to unsustainable extractive industries for short-term economic survival because they don’t have the luxury to consider the long-term consequences. But now that one’s here, I’m not at all surprised it’s a Snuffy Smith.

Judge Parker, 10/6/19

Were you worried that Marie’s new gig with the Spencer-Drivers wouldn’t entail a bunch of emotional labor? Well, good news!

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Mary Worth, 9/30/19

Oh, good, now that Dawn’s romantic situation is more or less settled for the moment, we can move on and focus on Wilbur’s romantic situation, because, presumably, we’re all dead and in some very specifically tailored hell where we can’t stop reading about the sex lives of the various dopey members of the Weston clan. You’ll of course recall that Wilbur and the lovely, well-heeled but unlucky in love widow Estelle connected via dating app a few months ago. Naturally Wilbur reacted to this turn of good fortune by peacing out to Mozambique without figuring out the terms of their relationship. “It’s all good,” Wilbur thought as he got on that jet. “Obviously women can’t live without me, so creating this ambiguity will just send her into a Wilbur-love frenzy and she’ll be wrapped around my finger by the time I get back. Definitely my absence won’t lead to her getting involved with somebody else, sending me into an extremely hilarious emotional tailspin, which is exactly what happened in my last relationship.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/30/19

I have to admit to being utterly charmed by how gobsmacked Snuffy is by this development. “Checkers? Checkers that you can eat? And the eating creates a new incentive within the context of the game rules? This. Changes. Everything.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/30/19

Oh, I’m sorry, do you think the plots in Rex Morgan, M.D., are “slow moving” and “dull”? Well, we’re going to physically immobilize our characters one by one, until you beg for the level of excitement we’ve been dishing out up to this point. You’ll beg, do you hear us?

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/16/19

I’m not sure what it is Jughaid thinks will be “gross”. It could be the process of transformation by which an amphibian becomes a man, which will no doubt involve skin stretching, bones snapping and mending and snapping again, and the strange, chimeric creature bellowing out in pain as every single cell transmutes into something different, on fire from whatever cursed witch’s magic turned him into a frog in the first place; on the other hand, it could just be Mary Beth kissing a frog, I suppose. Either way, he’s right to think that Jamey would want to see it! Not a lot by way of entertainment available around these parts.

Shoe, 8/16/19

Ha ha! It’s funny because the Perfesser will soon find himself both humiliated and impoverished by our medical system!