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Blondie, 7/4/26

On this, America’s most sacred fireworks-related holiday, not one but two comics did “people making fireworks noises with their mouths in lieu of setting off actual fireworks” jokes. One of them was Crock, which I’m not even going to bother inflicting on you; I kind of enjoy this one because it ends with at least the hint that Elmo and his little friend are going to come back with actual fireworks that they’re going to set off in the Bumsteads’ living room.

Beetle Bailey, 7/4/26

At least Beetle Bailey, the strip about America’s military, takes a properly patriotic tone! Oh, wait, what’s that you say? They actually did a joke about the grim reality of the physical abuse of low-ranking enlisted men by their superiors? Hmm. Hmm!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/4/26

Rex Morgan, M.D., meanwhile, doesn’t have time to celebrate. It’s focusing its patriotism on improving America by targeting and revealing the scammers that bedevil us all. Or the one scammer who’s doing that, anyway. A lot of commenters were like “These ladies are somehow going to end up both being Rene Belluso,” and I was like “Ha ha, very funny, but that can’t be right,” and they’re not, but they almost certainly are his nieces, given that we learned a couple years ago that Jimmy was Rene’s actual name. Anyway, I gotta say that “pretending to play your violin so people give you spare change” is not anywhere near as impressive as “running a scam self-help cult that ends up actually helping people” but you gotta start somewhere, I guess!

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Beetle Bailey, 6/27/26

Beetle looks like he’s in a great mood in panel two, and honestly, why wouldn’t he be? He got a pass into town and all he had to do to get it was agree to run a quick errand for his friend — an errand that honestly seems pretty fun in and of itself. Who doesn’t like going to the bakery? They have pastries there!

Andy Capp, 6/27/26

The question of what year Andy Capp takes place in is still, in my opinion, a live one, but perhaps it’s best phrased as “Yes, it’s 2026, but what year is Hartlepool in, culturally?” Disco may be the new hotness today, but the UK’s probable next Prime Minister is from the North, so I am confident that he’ll uplift this forgotten backwater at least to the point where they’re aware of the Oasis/Blur feud.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 6/27/26

I’m still not afraid to point out that Mother Goose and Grimm is more and more often using widely known, decades-old jokes as its punchlines, though I have to admit that these dogs’ extremely grave facial expressions give this tired line an interesting twist. “Do it, Grimm,” says Ralph. “Put the gun in your mouth, if you’re serious about this.”

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Hi and Lois, 6/26/26

I dunno, maybe there’s something to this whole “boys are falling behind” thing, because it seems like Chip’s girlfriend of the moment has secured some kind of high-paying girlboss email job for the summer while he’s just standing there staring at her like an idiot.

Hagar the Horrible, 6/26/26

Before today it never even occurred to me that I might have to contemplate the question “How would I feel about Hagar expressing even the slightest hint of sexual desire?” because the idea that he might ever be horny just didn’t seem like something that was on the table. This is what happens when you let Brad and Toni fuck in the shower! The answer to the question is “uncomfortable,” for the record.

Beetle Bailey, 6/26/26

At least I don’t ever have to worry about General Halftrack expressing erotic feelings for his wife. He loathes her and can only bear being her husband by drinking heavily!

Crankshaft, 6/26/26

Speaking of drunk and depressing, Harry Dinkle has been learning about his long-dead and distant father by reading a diary he found in that storage unit. Yesterday’s strip was about how Dinkle Senior, a bandleader, once wandered past a TV store where they were showing Elvis on the display units and he realized that the world was passing him by before he ever managed to become a big deal, and it was pretty grim, but I decided not to post it here because I thought “You know what, we can do better.” And boy was I right!