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Archive: Beetle Bailey

87

Strong labor solidarity among comics characters really would solve a lot of problems

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Beetle Bailey, 7/11/26

The thing about the daily comics is that they’re still drawn as if the black and white version is canonical, even though probably most people who read them now see them online, in color. That means that if you want your imagined audience to know that Sgt. Luggs really dolled herself up for this date only to be humiliated by Sarge’s combo gluttony/cheapness, you have to draw her lipstick in black, even though you’ll give online readers the impression that she’s “gone goth” in an attempt to distract Sarge from his pathological need for food (it didn’t work).

Hi and Lois, 7/11/26

Genuinely love that Lois just had the Flagston home inkjet printer spit “NO JUNK FOOD” in 490 point font out and handed it to Hi on his way to the supermarket. I assume he doesn’t even have a list beyond this. “Just follow your instincts and then buy the opposite,” she said.

Crankshaft, 7/11/26

Real talk: I have zero idea who these people are supposed to be. Is it Mopey Pete and Mindy, and he’s put on a lot of weight in the last year and she’s caught whatever he has that causes the visible eyebags? Or are they day players, hired because everyone in the regular cast steadfastly refused to deliver the line “I’m glad we went with Harry to that abandoned amusement park today”?

131

Workshopping terms for friends of Elmo. “Frelmos?”

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Blondie, 7/4/26

On this, America’s most sacred fireworks-related holiday, not one but two comics did “people making fireworks noises with their mouths in lieu of setting off actual fireworks” jokes. One of them was Crock, which I’m not even going to bother inflicting on you; I kind of enjoy this one because it ends with at least the hint that Elmo and his little friend are going to come back with actual fireworks that they’re going to set off in the Bumsteads’ living room.

Beetle Bailey, 7/4/26

At least Beetle Bailey, the strip about America’s military, takes a properly patriotic tone! Oh, wait, what’s that you say? They actually did a joke about the grim reality of the physical abuse of low-ranking enlisted men by their superiors? Hmm. Hmm!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/4/26

Rex Morgan, M.D., meanwhile, doesn’t have time to celebrate. It’s focusing its patriotism on improving America by targeting and revealing the scammers that bedevil us all. Or the one scammer who’s doing that, anyway. A lot of commenters were like “These ladies are somehow going to end up both being Rene Belluso,” and I was like “Ha ha, very funny, but that can’t be right,” and they’re not, but they almost certainly are his nieces, given that we learned a couple years ago that Jimmy was Rene’s actual name. Anyway, I gotta say that “pretending to play your violin so people give you spare change” is not anywhere near as impressive as “running a scam self-help cult that ends up actually helping people” but you gotta start somewhere, I guess!

115

The Spice Girls would hit that town like an atomic bomb

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Beetle Bailey, 6/27/26

Beetle looks like he’s in a great mood in panel two, and honestly, why wouldn’t he be? He got a pass into town and all he had to do to get it was agree to run a quick errand for his friend — an errand that honestly seems pretty fun in and of itself. Who doesn’t like going to the bakery? They have pastries there!

Andy Capp, 6/27/26

The question of what year Andy Capp takes place in is still, in my opinion, a live one, but perhaps it’s best phrased as “Yes, it’s 2026, but what year is Hartlepool in, culturally?” Disco may be the new hotness today, but the UK’s probable next Prime Minister is from the North, so I am confident that he’ll uplift this forgotten backwater at least to the point where they’re aware of the Oasis/Blur feud.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 6/27/26

I’m still not afraid to point out that Mother Goose and Grimm is more and more often using widely known, decades-old jokes as its punchlines, though I have to admit that these dogs’ extremely grave facial expressions give this tired line an interesting twist. “Do it, Grimm,” says Ralph. “Put the gun in your mouth, if you’re serious about this.”