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Beetle Bailey, 3/24/17

I can’t stop looking at that weird little gadget (?) propped awkwardly on Killer’s pillow in panel one. It’s like someone drawing this realized that “uh, probably military hospitals use, like, advanced medical technology now???” but wasn’t sure what exactly that might entail, so rather than just draw a groggy-soldier on a cot, they drew a groggy soldier on a cot with a cell-phone-sized black box hanging off the side of his pillow, like maybe it’s clipped on, I dunno. And it’s recording his … heartbeat or blood pressure, even though it’s not connected to him at all? Or his breathing? Maybe his breathing? All this high-tech business really gets in the way of a solid gag about how Killer’s “illness” is that he’d rather be on the beach, gambling and looking at tits.

Crankshaft, 3/24/17

Ha ha, yes, this is just another in an endless, soul-crushingly eternal series of “Crankshaft says the darndest things” gags, but wouldn’t it be great if some lady did give Ed a Trojan hearse for Christmas? Like, you know, a big black car with space in the back for a coffin, and Crankshaft accepts it thinking it’s an offering to the gods and brings it inside his walled fortress, but inside are dozens of hidden Achaean warriors, who emerge at night and wreak terrible destruction. I’d like to see this storyline depicted over a period of six to eight weeks, with particular focus on the lamentations.

Pluggers, 3/24/17

Welp, the bedroom eyes the she-plugger is flashing here seems to confirm something hinted at earlier: NCIS has such high ratings among the plugger set because it’s a Pavlovian sex trigger. Nobody actually watches it.

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Family Circus, 3/12/17

Here’s what you know about the emotional lives of the two younger Keane Kids: Jeffy makes the tiniest noise as he gets into the cookie jar and all he can hear is deafening guilt and anxiety ringing through his skull; meanwhile, PJ contemplates the idea that each of his toes might be a distinct little smiling nightmare creature with cool equanimity.

Beetle Bailey, 3/12/17

Glad to see that Beetle Bailey is continuing to up its game when it comes to Sarge and Beetle’s perverse relationship! Today’s throwaway panels reveal that Beetle definitely views Sarge’s binges as a spectacle for his enjoyment. He plans to nibble on kale and wait for Sarge to come back to him at the end of his gorging process, wobbly and maybe a little nauseous. Hot stuff!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/4/17

Ah, it looks like Jordan is finally going to be parting ways with the Avery family, who he’s served well, participating in a little light fraud and caring for a man with dementia despite a lack of medical credentials. Heather is now taking Milton back to Britain to fob him off on the National Health Service, and Jordan, having navigated the complex medical ethics involved, will be staying in America to woo his nurse sweetheart. This conflicts with Heather’s plan to make use of Jordan’s seed, so I assume her line in the final panel means that she’ll be using the power of her family’s wealth and influence to ensure that no company will ever hire Jordan again.

Dennis the Menace, 3/4/17

I gotta say, the classic “little kid is threatening to run away from home into the wide world without protection, subject to who knows what horrors” gag seems a lot more menacing when the kid has a real roller suitcase and not a whimsical hobo bindle.

Beetle Bailey, 3/4/17

Killer thought that by having sex with a nun he could live out a fun, transgressive fantasy, but he clearly got more than he bargained for, emotionally.