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Crock, 7/13/17

For whatever reason Crock has spent a surprising amount of time of late following the unlikely bond between Otis, a human boy, and Wadsworth, a bird that eats rotting flesh. Today, though, we learn the limits of trans-species friendship. Amongst his own kind, Wadsworth would no doubt say, “Wait, Crock feeds his men food that’s already begun to decay, making it perfectly suited for my species’ uniquely evolved digestive tract? Well sign me the heck up! I like eating putrid meat! When we go into combat and massacre our enemies, leaving their bloated corpses on the desert battlefield, that’ll just be another great opportunity for met to feed!” But he knows this is a delicate topic amongst humans, and so he becomes self-conscious about sharing his thoughts with his friend.

Beetle Bailey, 7/13/17

Say what you will about General Halftrack’s increasingly obvious mental impairments, but at least he knows that it’s better to plot a coup during ostensible recreation hours rather than at his actual HQ.

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Dennis the Menace, 7/1/17

Sorry, Dennis! It’s true that your father and one of his interchangeable co-workers at whatever his white-collar job they work at are going to be squaring off, mano a mano, right here in the living room, going at with their fists until one of them taps out, spilling blood all over the carpet in an attempt get in touch with their primal, violent masculine essence. But the first rule of Fight Club is you don’t talk about Fight Club, and like the eighth or ninth rule is that you’re only allowed to do Fight Club stuff after your kid goes to bed.

Beetle Bailey, 7/1/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because Plato has spent so long in the insular world of the military that he’s developed a withering contempt for the civilians he supposedly serves!

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Mary Worth, 6/26/17

So Katie did not let Esme fall into the sea, but instead heaved her back up onto the deck, causing the two of them to instantly form the sort of bond that only a genuine brush with death can bring about. They cling together in the rain, weeping, knowing that things have forever changed and their previous fight seems petty in the face of the awful event they just barely avoided. Meanwhile, in the ship’s photo gallery… “Hello, Mary! Do you like looking at pictures? I love it! Ha ha, look, it’s like the real people on the boat, but smaller!”

Beetle Bailey, 6/26/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because Sarge beats up Beetle to make him do what he wants!

Dennis the Menace, 6/26/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because Mrs. Wilson doesn’t love Mr. Wilson and hasn’t for years!