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Beetle Bailey, 9/24/16

Gotta respect the decision to have the characters completely commit emotionally here. In a strip where people are generally pretty blasé about horrific violence, General Halftrack seems genuinely terrified that he’s about to die.

Hi and Lois, 9/24/16

“They’re gonna cut off his thumbs! They’ll probably say something you like ‘Did you think this was a fuckin’ GAME’ right before they do it, too.”

Dennis the Menace, 9/24/16

Trotting out tired jokes a weatherman has heard over and over again? Not particularly menacing. Casually invading his personal space and resting your hand on his knee while you do it? Extremely menacing.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/24/16

HEY, HEY WERE YOU WORRIED THAT THE REX MORGAN, M.D., DISCUSSION OF THE ETHICS OF PATIENT-NURSE FLIRTING MIGHT NOT GO ON FOR EIGHT FULL DAYS?

WELL

GOOD NEWS

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Funky Winkerbean, 8/26/16

Haha, whoops, looks like I was wrong about Bull’s death being swift and merciful! Nope, it seems we’re in for a long, drawn-out tale of our least favorite retroactively-semi-redeemed bully slowly succumbing to early onset Alzheimer’s, which I diagnose not as a doctor but as someone who over the years has become finely attuned to the sort of misery the Funkyverse dishes out. And is that … a hint of domestic violence in the final panel? Oh, this is going to be a hate-read for the ages, everybody.

Beetle Bailey, 8/26/16

General Halftrack has of course been pickling his brain in alcohol for years, so his incipient dementia isn’t the least bit of a dramatic reveal. I’m more concerned about whatever terrifying website Miss Blips is loading up in the background with its angry wolf splash screen. Best-case scenario is that it’s some kind of S&M wolf furry fetish site; I’m actually worried she’s joined a white supremacist militia and that, safe in the knowledge that her boss has checked out mentally, she’s now just openly browsing its message board at work.

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Beetle Bailey, 8/25/16

Here’s a charming true story of married life: my wife and I each insist that the other snores, and once, to prove who was right, we downloaded an app to our phones that turn on and record only when there’s sound, so we didn’t have to listen through eight hours of mostly silence to prove anything. The one time we used it, it recorded exactly zero snoring but an awful lot of farting, which we both found extremely hilarious. Anyway, long story short, I think we have a pretty strong marriage, but when you start seeing even the slightest echoes of your lives in the Halftrack’s hell-relationship, you start to worry a little bit.

Spider-Man, 8/25/16

I honestly have never understood what the deal is with the eyeholes on the front of Spidey’s mask. I mean, I generally think I understand them, in the sense that I assume they’re just patches of lighter material that allow him to see and also make his face look more facelike and not like a creepy, featureless head-front, but then things happen like panel two, where one of them winks, and I really don’t know what the hell I’m looking at. Anyway, this has ruined for me what should be the high point of my week, which is to say Spider-Man just getting straight-up punched in the face.