Post Content

Judge Parker, 6/26/12

Awww yeah it’s a massive rural marijuana grow operation, everybody! Obviously Judge Parker saw that Mark Trail did a story depicting vast fields of marijuana plants and got noticed by the popular press for it and so now they want in! Judge Parker of course did its own pot-growing storyline back in 2007 and ’08, when Sam and Abbey’s elderly next-door neighbors built a mysterious landing strip and then brought Abbey some brownies which made her act all funny and she and Sam almost had sex but then didn’t and then Abbey tried spying on them to find out more and eventually they ended up getting busted totally off-panel, for growing pot. But this new batch of pot growers aren’t the sort of genteel dabblers who can afford to live in the same zip code as the Spencer-Driver clan; they’re no doubt tougher rural types, connected to both larger drug cartels and inner-city distribution networks, heavily armed and not amenable to soft, rich, big-city types literally stumbling onto their turf. Or maybe their hostility will dissipate once Avery negotiates a multimillion dollar deal for them to appear in their own reality TV series on the Discovery Channel, Real Farmers of Mendocino County.

Herb and Jamaal, 6/26/12

“For instance, you can still love someone even if they snoop on other people’s conversations, always assume that anything negative you say is about them, and get all pissy about it!”

Beetle Bailey, 6/26/12

Desperate to save his only friend from the horrors of war, Sarge tries assigning Otto to desk duty, despite his illiteracy. But the General knows that the Army needs bodies for the front line — and doesn’t care what species those bodies are from.

Post Content

Curtis, 6/10/12

Curtis, you’d better recognize your father’s sarcasm prowess, because for real, just getting up in the middle of a conversation during what appears to be the afternoon, getting into bed, and instantly falling asleep as a display of contempt is some serious next-level shit.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/10/12

Considering that Foster is Iris’s father, and dead, I was at first very disturbed by Mabel’s request that she “look after Foster” because he “needs you,” but probably it just means that Iris is going to be stuck with the bill for the funeral.

Beetle Bailey, 6/10/12

Lots of people complain that the soldiers of Camp Swampy never seem to be sent off into combat, but it’s now clear that at some point they conquered Paris and looted all the good art.

Judge Parker, 6/10/12

With each passing day Judge Parker becomes more and more of a masturbatory success fantasy for its main characters, assuming that forcing James Cameron out of retirement and gals who can really fill out a chain-store vest are what does it for you.

Post Content

Hi and Lois, 6/6/12

There’s really something quite poignant about today’s Hi and Lois. I mean, don’t we all to various degrees believe that, if only we achieve a goal that’s within sight, everything in our lives will get better? If only I got that raise, I wouldn’t be in debt all the time (never mind that your spending tends to expand to match your salary). If only I would fall in love with someone, I wouldn’t be so unhappy (never mind that long-term relationships take work and aren’t just a “happily ever after” fairy-tale ending). If only I weren’t an infant, if only my neuromuscular systems were coordinated enough to allow walking, why, I would be like an all-powerful god! Nothing would be denied me! Never mind that once you know how to walk, you’re expected to walk, with your parents refusing to just carry you all over. Plus Australia is thousands of miles away and surrounded by water. Basically, walking’s for suckers, kid, enjoy infancy while it lasts.

Hagar the Horrible, 6/6/12

Here’s a fun fact: Despite the fact that the Huns ruled a huge empire that dominated central Europe for decades, the Hunnic language was never recorded; the illiterate Huns used Romans as secretaries, who corresponded with other states in Latin and Greek. All we have of Hunnic are personal names and three nouns — not enough to even firmly place what language family it belonged to, let alone translate complex concepts like “surrendering.” Another fun fact: the Huns themselves were a relatively elite group within a multi-ethnic state; in battle, the Huns would have ridden on horseback, as that was the skill that allowed them such military success, and any foot soldiers like the ones depicted here would probably have come from subject peoples, like the Goths or Slavs. Yet another fun fact: the Hunnic empire broke up hundreds and hundreds of years before the advent of the Viking age. Today’s Hagar the Horrible is less historically accurate than I would have liked, is what I’m getting at.

Beetle Bailey, 6/6/12

Apparently General Halftrack’s decades of senility and incompetence have just been a front, covering up his now successful plan to seize control of the U.S. in a bloody coup and rule as military dictator.