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Apartment 3-G, 8/17/11

“That’s just her style, Paul. Not liking you! Not liking people is Margo’s style.”

Beetle Bailey, 8/17/11

Fans of “Sexy Miss Buxley Wednesday” are no doubt disappointed to find this week that it’s overlapped with “The depressing moment when the veil is torn away and we can see the full-on awful extent of General Halftrack’s alcoholism and self-loathing, a moment that can happen any day of the week without warning.”

B.C., 8/17/11

Ha ha, it’s funny because the turtle’s shell is covered with a toxic chemical that will eventually seep into his bloodstream and kill him!

Mark Trail, 8/17/11

OK, so we want to focus on Kelly’s eyes, so we can get a sense of the sexy plotting going on in her mind … closer … closer … AUGGGGH TOO CLOSE ABORT ABORT ABORT

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Beetle Bailey, 7/30/11

General Halftrack’s request for a three-way has yielded a scenario that’s very, very different from his fantasies.

Crankshaft, 7/30/11

Crankshaft’s family has converted to Seventh Day Adventism, probably to provide an excuse to spend less time with him.

Family Circus, 7/30/11

Despite their parents’ attempts to teach them an orthodox theology, the Keane Kids still believe in zombies.

Gil Thorp, 7/30/11

Gil Thorp is somehow managing to make its new sexting storyline even duller than the last one.

Luann, 7/30/11

Luann and Quill have stumbled upon the world’s chastest orgy.

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Apartment 3-G, 7/22/11

At last, we’re beginning to see the dark secret that lurks behind the Linski clan’s happy facade: namely, that beloved matriarch Carol Linski is really a controlling monster.

• “Keep the sound low; you know how mom is.” If even the slightest bit of extraneous noise filters through the walls and disturbs her, she flies into a violent rage.
• “I wish Lu Ann could stay longer.” Carol keeps an iron grip on her children’s sexuality, refusing to let even her adult son have girlfriends sleep over.
• Carol also interprets the Second Commandment’s ban on idols extremely strictly, forbidding any image in her home that might serve as an alternative to worship of the Lord. Thus, her youngest son isn’t allowed to hang up any posters of his football heroes; instead, he is only permitted to tack up a small hand-written sign extolling the Super Bowl as a general concept.

Beetle Bailey, 7/22/11

Fun fact that probably most of you but probably not all of you know: Beetle Bailey and Hi and Lois occupy the same fictional universe, as Beetle and Lois are siblings. So, what I’m trying to say is, Lois from Hi and Lois is or was having a sex affair with this tattooed fellow, who once killed a man, in prison.