Archive: Beetle Bailey

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Crock, 11/26/24

The thing that’s great about this Crock strip (and that’s a phrase I never thought I’d write) is that Barlow is covered with feathers, which I’m pretty sure means that Crock’s Thanksgiving turkey was still alive when he stole — and, presumably, ate — it. The image of a near-feral Barlow, crazed with hunger or some other form of madness, tearing the poor turkey limb from limb heedless of Crock’s punishment or basic human decency — well, it’s a grim yet wonderful one, and for even suggesting it I’m willing to forgive the strip for not showing his uniform stained with the blood we all know should be there.

Beetle Bailey, 11/26/24

Hello, Beetle Bailey fans. Were you worried that this realistic, grounded strip was going to present you with an absurd situation, like a dog that can read? Well, don’t worry too much: Otto, who is a dog and who walks on his hind legs, wears clothes, is fully capable of understanding and thinking in human language, is interested in astrology, and knows that the markings on a newspaper encode human language — which, to repeat, he’s fully capable of understanding — can’t read. He does remember things people say to him word for word, but he can’t read.

Mary Worth, 11/26/24

Well it looks like another invitee to Mary’s cancelled Thanksgiving dinner is not even slightly sad that Mary’s Thanksgiving dinner got cancelled, and does not intend to bring Mary something nice or check in on her to see if she’s feeling better later this week! Dawn will probably be spending most of the rest of the month taking the lyrics of “Defying Gravity” and really holding space with that and feeling power in that, so honestly Mary’s better off not seeing too much of her until that whole thing blows over.

Gasoline Alley, 11/26/24

Look, I get that the deal with cursèd objects is that they use their sinister powers to compel hapless victims to pass them from person to person so they can wreak havoc, but I do like how blasé Gertie is about it here. “Sorry Jones, they’re not here, they’re gasping for air as the last of their oxygen runs out. You want this doll? She’s inhabited by a demon from the depths of hell and her very existence is an affront to God. Give it to Ava Luna if you see her!”

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Shoe, 11/24/24

If I told you to imagine a local TV news report about a city clerk being appointed, you’d probably think, “Wow! Can’t get duller than that!” Well, what if I told you to imagine two people watching a local TV news report about a city clerk being appointed? Even duller, right? Thankfully, today’s Shoe artists have tried to fight against the tide, by showing you two people watching a local TV news report about a city clerk being appointed, but you’re seeing them from an angle directly above them for some reason, like you’re sneaking into their house via the HVAC ducts as part of some sort of elaborate heist.

Beetle Bailey and Blondie, 11/24/24

I feel like I’ve never seen a stronger contrast between the quality of the throwaway panels like we have between these two strips today. The Beetle Bailey panels very efficiently establish how Sunday mornings in the Camp Swampy barracks play out and lay more character groundwork for Beetle and Sarge’s relationship. Blondie’s panels, meanwhile, are as lazy as possible, add absolutely nothing, pure clip art dreck that might as well be replaced by a tire ad. And yet when it comes to actual strip punchlines, Blondie is actually funny for once whereas Beetle Bailey … well, not so much. Life is a rich tapestry!

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Marvin, 11/20/24

Good news, everyone! Marvin? The terrible baby? The one who does all the pissing and shitting? Well, he doesn’t know about sex yet. Yet. Fingers crossed he never does.

Beetle Bailey, 11/20/24

Uh, Sarge, pretty sure that jeep belongs to the U.S. Army, and therefore ultimately to the American taxpayer? Which, I guess you’re one of those, but so is Miss Buxley.

Dennis the Menace, 11/20/24

Dennis believes that he and he alone possesses free will and is not bound by unbreakable fate; in his mind, he is the world’s sole protagonist. Folks … not to overstate this, but that’s about as menacing as it gets.