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Mark Trail, 12/16/18

Mark Trail Nature Sundays ought by right to be about animals, or maybe plants, or in a pinch, fungi. I am not thrilled with a whole installment that’s about an essentially geological phenomenon, and even less thrilled by the fact that they won’t even show it to us. Are we supposed to be satisfied with Mark locking eyes with us and saying “jacuzzi of despair” with a very serious facial expression while Cherry ever-so-subtly arches her back to lift her bikini’d bosom towards the orange, glowing sky? Because I’m not satisfied, OK? The god-damned boat in the first panel never even explodes! This is a sub-optimal Sunday!

Panels from Beetle Bailey, 12/16/18

I’m … pretty sure that Beetle is clinically depressed, guys.

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Beetle Bailey, 11/23/18

I think the key to this whole very strange Beetle Bailey is the use of the past tense in panel one. Beetle was a great guy, but now that his General Halftrack disguise has been perfected, Beetle no longer exists. One wonders how the world will work with two General Halftracks in it — but then, maybe the General is in the past tense too. Maybe that shockingly realistic mask is less Mission Impossible and more Silence of the Lambs, if you know what I mean. (I mean that Beetle has hollowed out Halftrack’s head and is wearing it like a helmet.)

Mary Worth, 11/23/18

No…nobody says that? Nobody says “Open a new window, open a new door”, Mary. Are you thinking of the saying “When God closes a door, he opens a window”? Because the implications of that are very different from whatever it is you just said. If this thing ends with Libby fleeing from Mary’s apartment into an uncaring world through all the doors and windows she left open, I’m gonna be pissed.

Dennis the Menace, 11/23/18

Man, I find the Mitchells’ little smiles honestly chilling. “Oh, you just now figured out that you don’t get to do fun stuff all the time? Get ready to spend the rest of your life eating shit to make other people happy, kid.”

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Family Circus, 11/11/18

This is actually a properly heavy strip for Veteran’s Day! Kids, all these military toys and video games that are marketed to you nonstop make war seem like a hoot, but your dad knows the truth, after being forced to experience and do terrible things during [squints] the Guadalcanal Campaign in World War II.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/11/18

Does America go far enough in taking care of its veterans? Sure, we often fall short of our promise to provide them with high-quality health care that meets their specific needs; but at least it’s accepted that every single soldier is allowed to live out the rest of their lives as shiftless chicken thieves, to honor their service.

Beetle Bailey, 11/11/18

Say, did you ever want to know what everyone in Beetle Bailey’s ethnicity was? Well, here you go! Which of these do you think was literally just made up for today’s strip? It’s definitely that Rocky is Mexican, right?