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Archive: Beetle Bailey

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Death, youth, and the ‘gram

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/6/20

Haha, well, this is one of the grimmer scenarios Snuffy Smith has served up to us, isn’t it folks? Was the head of the local cemetery so hated that his former subordinates, now leaderless and squabbling, have to bury him in the dead of night, with no witnesses? Anyway, what I actually want in life is for every scene in any visual art that depicts a heavy reminder of life’s mortality to feature Snuffy Smith wandering through the foreground, a sack full of stolen chickens over his shoulder and a tongue lolling out of his mouth indicating his amusement at human frailties.

Mark Trail, 7/6/20

You know, back when Rusty was a mere “ward,” he never would’ve dared to express admiration for bad boy movie stars, because he knew that one wrong move and he’d be sent back to the orphanage, or just lured out to the forest with the promise of a “fishing trip” and then abandoned. But ever since Mark started letting Rusty call him “dad”, the kid thinks he can get away with anything! Hopefully Jeremy Cartwright will turn out to be a real shitheel and Rusty will realize that Mark and only Mark is a good example.

Beetle Bailey, 7/6/20

Wow, if I had to guess which character in a long-running legacy comic strip was secretly an Instagram food influencer, Sarge would … not be it? Like, we’d all think it was Dagwood, right? Definitely Dagwood. Anyway, all of the obvious variations on “Sgt. Snorkel” are as of this writing still available as usernames on Instagram, so feel free to start a gimmick account that you’ll get bored with in a week or two!

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Monday puppos

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Hi and Lois, 6/15/20

An aspect of Hi and Lois I’ve always enjoyed is how Irma and Thirsty are the Goofuses to the title couple’s Gallants. Like, they live in the same neighborhood, have the same class positioning (Thirsty and Hi are coworkers at the same generic white-collar office!) but the Thurstons always seem much worse off, financially and, of course, emotionally. Look at Irma! Look at how haggard she looks. “Why do we need wine at the book club?” she’s asking, because she’s clearly been drinking all day.

Beetle Bailey, 6/15/20

Too many people won’t read print media any more and it’s a damn shame! They’re missing out on vital news stories such as “People Like Dogs.” Oh, sorry, you need to phrase that with journalistic objectivity: “People Like Dogs, Some Say”.

Mark Trail, 6/15/20

“Other times they just get straight-up eaten by a bear! Yes, life is a rich tapestry.”

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Can’t believe Sarge’s cheapness just overcame his gluttony, honestly

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Pardon My Planet, 6/13/20

So they’re gonna … dig up this guy? Who’s been dead for more than 20 years? And … they’re gonna make him pay his taxes? As near as I can tell there’s no famous tax cheat with the name and lifespan on that headstone, so maybe this is some sort of name-check of an acquaintance of the cartoonist, whose grieving family surely didn’t deserve this.

Beetle Bailey, 6/13/20

Generally speaking, those “delivery in [X] minutes or your pizza’s free” rebates come out of the driver’s paycheck, so I guess the joke here is that this guy is going to lose money because Beetle is holding him for a while at gunpoint.

Pluggers, 6/13/20

THAT’S RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS, PLUGGERS HAVE NEVER DONE A MOMENT’S INTROSPECTION IN THEIR LIVES AND THEY NEVER WILL