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Beetle Bailey, 2/13/20

Beetle Bailey! You already have a character whose whole thing is that he’s a cyber-warrior! His name is “Chip Gizmo,” and you had a whole contest to name him! Also, this seems to be a joke at Corporal Yo’s expense, but, like, having trained computer hackers in the employ of America’s security services is actually pretty important right now? Like maybe if Yo is good at this stuff he and Gizmo should be working for some military intelligence agency and not wasting time at Camp Swampy? Just a thought!

Mary Worth, 2/13/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because Wilbur thinks he’s experienced “love”!

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Beetle Bailey, 2/7/20

I admit that I’m fascinated with the way that comics use fire hydrants as just a visual signifier for “dogs peeing”. Like, most people know that dogs just pee … pretty much anywhere, right? They like vertical surfaces and like peeing where other dogs have peed, but in a pinch, they’ll just go wherever. Inside the house, or barracks, for instance, if nobody lets them out, despite their clear signals that they want to go outside. Weird the Sarge assumes “horny” or “hungry” but not “has to pee, the thing we all know dogs have to do several times a day.” I do kind of enjoy how big the hydrant is in Otto’s vision, almost filling the frame, as if when a human had to use the bathroom all they could visualize was an enormous toilet floating in an otherwise featureless void.

Pluggers, 2/7/20

Welp, it finally happened: all the “pluggers are old/indulgent grandparents/the salt of the Earth/owners of crappy cars/better than city folks/hate and fear technology” suggestions have finally, finally run out, and all that’s left in the barrel is gibbering nonsense like this. I’m really looking forward to this new direction!

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Beetle Bailey, 1/29/20

Well, I have to say I’m impressed. If you had told me yesterday that Beetle Bailey was going to add a small but significant fact to its canon of deep lore, never in a million years would I have settled on “Major Greenbrass is General Halftrack’s brother-in-law.” I’m reasonably sure this has never come up in the strip before? It’s also possible that the Major, feeling secure in the knowledge that General Halftrack and his wife hate each other, assumes Amos has never taken any interest in his wife’s family and maybe doesn’t even know who her brother is.

Also, I’m hesitant to say that I, someone who’s never served in the military, knows more about military ranks than Beetle Bailey, a U.S. Army themed strip that’s been running for decades, but … generally you graduate from West Point or ROTC as a second lieutenant and from there it’s only three more promotions until you’re a major, so I’m not sure how Greenbrass was promoted five times and is still only a major — unless he got busted down in rank for some infraction twice, only to be bailed out by his hapless brother-in-law, or, in my theory I’m growing more and more fond of, the man he’s tricked into thinking he’s his brother-in-law.

Mary Worth, 1/29/20

If Mary has an eye for anything, it’s Charterstone residents trying to subtly move out without telling her, just like Iris is doing. And why wouldn’t she want to spend more time in her hot boyfriend’s cool loft apartment downtown in the Santa Royale Arts District, rather than in a hellscape suburban condo complex full of old people, one of whom is her awful ex-boyfriend. Anyway, looks like Tommy’s going to have a lot of time alone in Charterstone now that his mom’s moving most of her clothes to Zak’s. Let’s pray he gets into some terrible mischief, because if we’re going to endlessly focus on the Westons and the Beedles, we should at least be spending time with the most entertaining person out of all of them.

Hagar the Horrible, 1/29/20

It seems that Hagars’s Norway hasn’t been entirely Christianized yet, and for the reasons made clear here: the omnipotent God of the Christians isn’t really someone you can have an argument with, you know? The Norse pantheon was always a little closer to the common man, even as they were shipwrecking him.