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Mary Worth, 7/28/19

Hey, Hugo, “joie de vivre” is a phrase, not a “saying,” first of all, and you know what? We do have that phrase in the English language, and it’s “joie de vivre”! Because English just incorporates whatever words and phrases it wants from other languages, and then English speakers use them in day-to-day conversation, so they become part of English! Coup d’etat? Deja vu? Those are English now! Our language grows and changes because we don’t have a government-appointed commission trying to keep it pure, like French does! And that’s why we’re number one! [gets a chant started to the rhythm of “USA USA”] ANGLOPHONES! ANGLOPHONES! ANGLOPHONES!

Beetle Bailey, 7/28/19

What’s your pick for the most unsettling part about this fantasy Beetle has about being unable to escape the drudgery of Army life even after death? To me, it’s the fact that, even though he and Miss Buxley are married indicating this is in some indefinite future, he seems to have died at more or less the same age he is now, not when he was old or anything. What did he die of? What did he die of???

Panel from The Lockhorns, 7/28/19

“It’s ridiculous! There’s no context where ‘hard time’ designates a length of time! It’s a reference to how you spend your time, or where (like in prison). This isn’t clever wordplay at all! It’s just a confusing non sequitur and you need to cut it out.”

Dennis the Menace, 7/28/19

So, uh, Dennis got into a fistfight with a kid up the street! Like, I’m not even sure if I have joke to make here but I feel like it’s worth bringing to your attention. He punched that kid right in the face!

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Family Circus, 7/9/19

I gotta say, if Jeffy had his usual facial expression of moronic joy as he said this particular darndest thing, I would’ve scrolled past this panel without a second thought. But his heavy-lidded cynical look here really drew me into this scenario. I’m imagining him talking to Dolly very sarcastically. “Oh, are there butter saucers, too? How far are you willing to take this metaphor? It’s typical you don’t have the courage of your convictions on this.”

Beetle Bailey, 7/9/19

Where do you suppose Sarge went between these two panels? Do you think he saw one of the privates under his command — one of the men who he’s been charged with molding into a warrior who will fight to the death to defend our nation’s honor — just waving his tongue around, eyes closed, slobbering everywhere, and decided to take a long walk and think about his choices? Maybe he’ll finally follow up on that offer he got to join ISIS. Couldn’t be much worse!

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Gil Thorp, 7/4/19

Readers: I hereby apologize for ever doubting the continuity-respecting bona fides of the Gil Thorp creative team. Faithful reader Downpuppy pointed me to the GoComics Without GoComics archive site created by long-ago (and perhaps still current?) faithful reader commodorejohn, which fills in some of the gaps in my sadly deficient coverage of Gil Thorp in 2005. I had completely forgotten that Jaquan was not a brand-new character when he showed up with Trey Davis a couple summers ago; in fact, back in 2005, he had been Jaquan “The Don,” a superstar player at local high school powerhouse Bishop Tardy, which blew into Milford to take on the Mudlarks, media circus in tow. Hadley stumbled on Jaquan hiding out in the library and reading books like a nerd, and later convinced him to go to college instead of jumping straight to the NBA. A decade or so later, Hadley, who became a lawyer and apparently abandoned her ideals to represent big-shot clients who could gift her front-row Bulls tickets, reconnected with Jaquan during a game, and here we are! All’s well that ends well, with rhyming!

Mark Trail, 7/4/19

Ah ha, it seems JJ didn’t drown after all. Nope, he used the flood as a distraction to separate from the group with the map so he could get to the gold mine first, probably hoping that the rest of them would wander around the desert and eventually give up and go home. Sadly, he didn’t count on Doc’s perfect memory, so now he’s gonna have to shoot them. Hey Doc, bet you’re sorry you did all those crosswords to stay sharp now!

Beetle Bailey, 7/4/19

Ah, it’s July 4th, and you know what that means for Beetle Bailey, the only comic focusing on America’s military: another episode about the tedious interpersonal drama between Sarge and Beetle. But … are we missing something? Something about this date that we should probably be covering? Probably not, but if need be we can wedge in a visual reference to it at the last minute.