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Omigaw it’s the last day of the Spring 2017 Comics Curmudgeon fundraiser — Hurry!

Between Friends, 5/5/17

Susan looks at death and disappointment the same way as Lillian from Crankshaft, and fears an afterlife tormented by regret. Her funeral director husband Harv sees death every day, and has abandoned such romantic notions. Is there anything grimmer than Canadians in despair?

[Psst … panel 4 — “don’t want to be”?]

Blondie, 5/5/17

Dithers knows that on any food-themed holiday he must abandon any pretense of running the firm that bears his name.

Somebody tell that guy in the middle that his pet monkey is up to no good again.

Judge Parker, 5/5/17

Good call, Sam, lawyer to the last — challenge Lieutenant Snouty there; explain things to him; tell him what to do. Or, if you sincerely want S.W.A.T. to back the hell off, repeat after me: “BOMB!”. Nouns are your friend, Sam.

Mary Worth, 5/5/17

Yes you should, Esme! He’s a) gorgeous, b) dark-haired, and c) a hunk! Also, d) a challenge! You want him — and you know you can have him! Most of all, we Mary Worth readers deserve some entertainment, and you are an Entertainer! You guys swear an oath or something, right? Well get on it girl, we are dying out here.

Crankshaft, 5/5/17

The week grinds on, the jokes wear thin, and attention wanes. “Exactly”? WTF, “exactly”?

Exactly.

–Uncle Lumpy

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No Star Wars puns from me this May the Fourth — isn’t that worth a couple bucks? I thought so!

Pluggers, 5/4/17

Not sure what they’re going for here: “Pluggers want all of technology’s benefits with none of the intellectual investment?” “Pluggers parade their ignorance as a point of pride?” “Pluggers are lazy hypocrites?” “Pluggers’ wives are somehow not pluggers?”

Wait, they’re at a bookstore? Ha, ha what a couple of pluggers!

Blondie, 5/4/17

Ha, ha tech and teh olds LMAO.

Beetle Bailey, 5/4/17

Ha, ha tech and teh olds LMAO.

Six Chix, 5/4/17

Six Chix rotates through a roster of six woman author/artists on weekdays, and separately on Sundays — sort of like girls’ softball in Gil Thorp. Here’s the current lineup, highlighting a couple of recent changes:

The rotation gimmick is really clever: at its best, it lets each Chik contribute fresh work without the pressure of daily deadlines. But at its worst, it lets the strip become an afterthought, with dashed-off artwork supporting a weak concept. A lot of recent strips boil down to “look at this thing I don’t like!”, punctuated by a knowing glance between the characters or at the audience.

Maybe before publishing one of these, the Chix should apply a variant of the Bechdel Test: if two woman characters are talking, and it’s not about men, is it about anything else?

Hm, I seem to be posting a lot of Pluggers this week. It can’t possibly mean anything, though.

–Uncle Lumpy

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Panels from Hagar the Horrible, 4/23/17

Hagar and his clan may have recently converted to Christianity, but that doesn’t meant they don’t occasionally dabble in a little paganistic future-scrying now and then.

Panels from Beetle Bailey, 4/23/17

File today’s Beetle Bailey dialogue under “phrases that no human being has ever actually said aloud and yet will haunt me for days.”

Panels from Blondie, 4/23/17

If there’s a sadder commentary on what passes for pleasure in this modern age, I don’t know what it is!