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Herb and Jamaal, 7/12/13

Herb’s mother-in-law is a fallen angel, cast out of Heaven after she and her evil confederates attempted to rebel against the Almighty.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/12/13

The introduction of flatlander science into Hootin’ Holler could have radical implications for the lives of the community’s inhabitants, which is why Maddy’s boy will probably be burned at the stake by the end of the week.

Dick Tracy, 7/12/13

“I know cigarette smoke could really irritate a throat injury, Dick, so just say something if you don’t want me to light up. No? Nothing? I’ll just take your silence as permission!”

Blondie, 7/12/13

It’s kind of sad when your real name is more embarrassing than “Pastrami Guy.”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 7/12/13

Grimm would like to “take a personal day,” for sex.

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So it’s June 15 and I think it’s safe to say that the spring Gil Thorp lawsuit storyline isn’t ever going to get interesting, but I do think that an ending in which the Jarbo family wins its case because the sue-y guy who fell down got his gas stations mixed up is at least suitably farcical. Wouldn’t … wouldn’t this have come to light during the discovery process? I mean, I’m neither a lawyer nor someone foolish enough to expect Gil Thorp plots to mirror reality in any way, but … DAMN IT I THINK THIS WOULD HAVE GOTTEN SORTED OUT AT SOME POINT PRIOR TO THE ACTUAL TRIAL.

Blondie, 6/15/13

This is just your reminder that Dagwood is so dedicated to not being a normal husband who showers that he literally does not have a shower in his house. Also, he is a crazy person.

Luann, 6/15/13

DAD RELAX IT’S CALLED A SUICIDE PACT OK IF YOU DON’T SEE THE ROMANCE IN DYING TOGETHER IN A TWISTED HEAP OF METAL AND AGONY THEN IT’S NO WONDER YOU’VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD ME

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Blondie, 5/5/13

Having supernatural beings of various ethical alignments battling for control of your actions (and, by extension, your soul) is an old comics trope, but usually these spirits are matched, good against evil. Poor Dagwood only has his own moral resources to draw upon in the battle against sinful sloth, and the results are predictable. In related news, if the sight of a Dagwood-headed jazz-handing actual demon doesn’t haunt your dreams for weeks, you are made of stronger stuff than I am, my friend.

Judge Parker, 5/5/13

“Abbey … what if he’s dead? What will happen to my money? Could I … lose … my money? Is it even possible for the verb ‘lose’ to have ‘my money’ as an object? This is all so terrifying for me!”