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Blondie, 2/13/13

Ha ha! It’s funny because … OK, you know what, I have literally no idea why this is funny. It’s funny because Blondie feels a need to project a facade of false confidence to her husband, but with her best friend and business partner she can stare the harsh truth in the face, the better to overcome adversity? Or, wait wait, is it funny because Blondie said “Kick it up a notch,” which is the catchphrase of popular television cook/pop culture personality Emeril Legasse? That would be much more depressing, to be completely honest.

Heathcliff, 2/13/13

Now, it’s been a while since I’ve read any Superman comics, but as far as I can remember he reacted to the presence of kryptonite by grimacing in pain as the life force was sucked out of his body, not by regarding it with heavy-lidded ennui while sitting a few feet away from it. Is Superman too cool to writhe in agony when exposed to kryptonite now? Are there any superheroes left who aren’t too cool for stuff anymore?

Spider-Man, 2/13/13

I guess there’s always Spider-Man, who’s not too cool for anything. “Something’s wrong! I’ve got to find out what it is! Are my sneakers not the right brand? Do I not listen to the right music? Are my friends lame? God as my witness, I will figure out why Daredevil doesn’t want to hang out with me!”

Gasoline Alley, 2/13/13

Say, were you wondering what’s up with Rufus and Joel’s dialectical antics in Gasoline Alley? Well, it seems that Rufus has decided to marry his mule Becky! Don’t worry, though, it’s just a trick to fulfill the requirements of a will so he can get some money, it’s not a sick sex thing. This is as funny/horrifying as Gasoline Alley will be for some time, so feel free to continue ignoring it.

Pluggers, 2/13/13

Pluggers may not have many friends, but they sure are on a whole lot of pills.

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Family Circus, 12/6/12

Meanwhile, at the North Pole: “Hmm, what’s this? Why, I see … a little boy who’s drawn a bell at school. Let’s take a closer look! Hmmm that … that’s the crappiest bell I’ve ever seen. Look at how weird and lumpy it is on the right side! And it’s colored a boring silver, not a festive gold. This little brat has desecrated the very concept of a bell, and bells are of course the 17th most important symbol of my holiday, Christmas. Nothing but socks and books under the tree for you this year, young man!”

Spider-Man, 12/6/12

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to our irregular series, How To Be An Unlikeable Douchebag Nobody Wants To Spend Time With! Today’s lesson: “Celebrate with grotesque theatricality whenever you’re right about anything.” To keep your technique up, it’s important to do this even if nobody else is around!

Blondie, 12/6/12

I give the people who color the daily strips crap all the time for ignoring explicit in-strip cues when picking what colors to dump in via the Photoshop paintcan tool, so I have to give minor props for someone’s slightly on-the-nose decision to slather Dagwood in pine-tree green for this.

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Mary Worth, 10/14/12

Jim Romenesko’s media blog has already covered the unusually flush finances of Woods and Wildlife magazine, but has been neglecting the turmoil on the feature pages of the Santa Royale Gazette-Whatever. Wilbur Weston is fully focused on his new survivors column, “I Shouldn’t Be ALive,” leaving Mary to keep noodling along with “Ask Wendy.” Absent any editorial supervision, she has quite clearly gone completely insane. Having long ago forgotten that the “Ask” in the name indicates that she’s supposed to be responding to reader letters, she now just unloads her philosophy on her readers in long, stream-of-consciousness rants. “None of us can solve the problem of evil! The ever-changing nature of the universe and the self has bedeviled humanity since the age of Heraclitus! Only through immediate action, directed by my iron will, can life have any meaning! OBEY ME, READERS! OBEY WENDY! OBEY!”

Blondie, 10/14/12

Over the course of most of this comic, I found it charming that Dagwood was imagining that he had a hooting, rowdy audience for the latest instance of his thrice-daily sandwich-building ritual. But when I realized it was actually Elmo providing the audience reactions, it suddenly got a lot more pathetic.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 10/14/12

Oh, nothing much in today’s Slylock Fox, just Reeky Rat and his punk friends sneaking a extremely filthy double entendre of a band name into comics pages across America.