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Blondie, 3/3/11

There’s something I’m profoundly missing about today’s Blondie. Mostly, I’m completely befuddled as to what un-thought-ballooned thoughts we’re supposed to understand to be ruminating in the minds of the two characters in the second panel of this strip. Presumably it’s something that makes panel three funny, or at least makes it make sense. Is barber M. Morelli’s weirdly prominent nameplate relevant somehow? Is Dagwood pausing because he believes his dictatorial boss, whose spies are everywhere, might be listening in on him at this very moment? Perhaps he fears that the huge, unbroken pane of glass is a one-way mirror that Mr. Dithers is hiding on the other side of, seething.

Judge Parker, 3/3/11

Oh, look, the demonization of the latest female Judge Parker guest star is proceeding apace! Our formerly pleasant college student suddenly has turned hard-faced and cruel, as she pushes forward with marketing Judge Parker’s terrible thriller despite the death of her boss. Will we find out that Constance literally threw her boss under the bus? Will Constance’s plot end violently, and in turn become fodder for another Judge Parker book, which will be promoted by yet another murderess? I think I’m beginning to understand why the publishing world is in so much trouble.

Apartment 3-G, 3/3/11

Ha ha, I love Trey’s look of fish-lipped horror in panel two as he processes the phrase “life and stuff.” “My God, I thought he was just a rough-around-the-edges working-class guy, but no, he really is quite stupid.”

Mark Trail, 3/3/11

Oh my God, Mark’s been separated from his razor and is starting to show signs of a beard! HE’S BECOME WHAT HE HATES THE MOST.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/3/11

Oh, hey, and someone tried to hire June Morgan as a stripper! So there’s that.

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Gasoline Alley, 2/20/11

Ha ha, remember when Harry Truman fired General MacArthur? That sure was a punchline-worthy thing that happened, 60 years ago. Anyway, this cartoon disappoints me mostly because Honest Abe doesn’t make good on his implied threat take an axe to those presidents who are horning in on his birthday. Abe Lincoln is the Rail-Splitting Killer! Where’s your atomic bomb now, Truman?

Blondie, 2/20/11

Here’s the difference between Mary Worth and Dagwood Bumstead: Mary looks upon new-fangled technology like Twitter with undisguised contempt, whereas it sends Dagwood in a pathetic paroxysm of anxiety.

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/9/11

Oh, thank goodness: I was a bit concerned that yesterday’s strip seemed to skip over Summer’s physical suffering, but today we’re reassured that Funky Winkerbean remains true to its core mission: lingering over the anguish of its characters. Note that Westview paramedics have black crosses on their first aid kits. That’s because they view their main role not so much as saving lives as helping you navigate your inevitable and painful voyage towards death.

Blondie, 2/9/11

Mr. Dithers may be more right than he knows, as I have a hard time believing that Dagwood holds anything more sacred than greasy, fatty, delicious food.

Mary Worth, 2/9/11

Sorry, everyone at Twitter! I know you’ve worked hard over the past few years to make your company a social media powerhouse and all, but now that Wilbur is about to explain to Mary what “tweeting” is, I think it’s best for all concerned if you lay everyone off, give whatever cash you have on hand back to the investors, and quietly shut down your Website, forever.